This Chicago Bar Wants you to Bash Trump on Cinco de Mayo

Chicago, the city with not one but Two Donald Trump toilets, is the proud host of the upcoming #ThumpTrump Cinco de Mayo Bash, a fiesta organized by a Lakeview beer & bourbon bar featuring a giant Trump piñata. Like Mr. Trump would say, I think it’s terrific to give Chicagoans a chance to bash the Republican presidential front-runner, too. (Why would Mexicans have all the fun?) I don’t know … Continue reading This Chicago Bar Wants you to Bash Trump on Cinco de Mayo

JOB ALERT: Cinco de Mayo Ass Models Needed in Miami

Awwww, America: The land of the free, home of the brave — and the Milwaukee Taco Fest — is also the place to go to advance your career. Take the above job opportunity hailing from — where else? — Florida, where some dude needs to hire 4 women for an adult business Cinco de Mayo event. Required are two “promo models” and two “ass models,” who … Continue reading JOB ALERT: Cinco de Mayo Ass Models Needed in Miami

¡Gracias, Boston! It’s Only March 18, but the Cinco de Mayo Nonsense Is already here

Tired of bashing the Drumpf piñata or getting drunk on green stuff to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day? Worry no more! Cinco de Mayo — and all the nonsense that comes with it — is just around the corner, and this blogger will be right here to bring it all to you. Kicking off the 2016 festivities is the Cinco de Mayo … Continue reading ¡Gracias, Boston! It’s Only March 18, but the Cinco de Mayo Nonsense Is already here

Cinco de Mayo: America’s Stupidest Holiday Is Almost Here!

Awwww, Cinco de Mayo. No matter how many bizarre holidays Americans come up with, Cinco de Mayo will forever be my favorite one. And not only because it’s an excuse to drink all day and yell ¡Viva México! while thinking it’s our celebration of Independence (it’s not.) But it is also the time of year that brings out the stupidest most creative marketing … Continue reading Cinco de Mayo: America’s Stupidest Holiday Is Almost Here!

Hey, Gringo, Get Ready to Print your Own Cinco de Mayo Kit!

Cinco de Mayo (aka this blogger’s favorite faux holiday) is just around the corner, and this year — with the explosion of Twitter, Snapchat, Periscope, Instagram and the like — the marketing furor promises to be crazier than ever before. Muy loco, indeed! Stay tuned for this blog’s full “coverage” of this year’s non-Mexican holiday. In the … Continue reading Hey, Gringo, Get Ready to Print your Own Cinco de Mayo Kit!

It’s Cinco de Mayo! Time to Mix Drinks That Make no Sense

I hate Cinco de Mayo in the U.S., not so much because it’s a reminder of how clueless people are about Mexican history, but because it is also the time to market some of the stupidest, senseless food & drink concoctions of all times. Well, actually I think Bud Light’s Lime-A-Rita and Straw-Ber-Rita are kind of … Continue reading It’s Cinco de Mayo! Time to Mix Drinks That Make no Sense

Just in Time for Cinco de Mayo: Taco Bell Eatery Will Serve Mexican Car Bombs

Speaking of Mexican things that make no sense, this blog’s Gringo West Coast Correspondent just informed me that Taco Bell is testing a restaurant concept that -among other things- will be serving Mexican Car Bombs. See? I had to learn about this by a non-Mexican person, because last time I checked, my people had no … Continue reading Just in Time for Cinco de Mayo: Taco Bell Eatery Will Serve Mexican Car Bombs

This Company Wants me to Celebrate ‘Cinco de Mayo’ by Tattooing My ‘Ta-Tas’

Temporary breast tattoo company TaTaToos is so excited about Cinco de Mayo, it has come up with a culturally-relevant line of tattoos that promise to make your holiday -what else?- spicier. I’m not sure what’s more depressing; if saying “tatas” instead of tetas, or having you celebrate the Battle of Puebla by imprinting some Spanish-language copy on … Continue reading This Company Wants me to Celebrate ‘Cinco de Mayo’ by Tattooing My ‘Ta-Tas’

Kobe Bryant’s ‘Mexican Blanket’ Nike Shoes, Not as Cool as ‘Cinco de Mayo’ Sneakers, but they’re OK

I totally missed this (it must be the exhaustion from working extra hours doing nothing) but the almighty Kobe Bryant finally released the $110 Mexican Blanket Nike shoes, which -as everybody knows- are as cozy and sporty as a real Mexican blanket; except that you can buy a Mexican blanket in any Mexican flea market … Continue reading Kobe Bryant’s ‘Mexican Blanket’ Nike Shoes, Not as Cool as ‘Cinco de Mayo’ Sneakers, but they’re OK

Dos Equis Cinco de Mayo Special Combo Features Mexican Cuisine [i.e. Chicken Wings]

Speaking of Cinco de Mayo and concoctions that make no sense, Dos Equis is now offering some kind of Cinco de Mayo Combo featuring “Mexican cuisine” (i.e. chicken wings.) In short: When in doubt (about what’s Mexican or not) just stick a pair of maracas and a colorful sarape in your logo and you’ll be OK. … Continue reading Dos Equis Cinco de Mayo Special Combo Features Mexican Cuisine [i.e. Chicken Wings]

Wyandotte to Celebrate Cinco de Mayo on Cuatro de Mayo

How many Mexicans does it take to organize a Cinco de Mayo party in Wyandotte, Michigan? Apparently, zero. [I’m sure my people would have seriously objected to holding a May 5th celebration on May 4th.] Too bad organizers didn’t consult with this blogger beforehand. I could have given them an awesome tagline for their event: … Continue reading Wyandotte to Celebrate Cinco de Mayo on Cuatro de Mayo

Kelloggs Wants you to Know Cinco de Mayo Is Some Sort of Mayan Celebration. LOL

UPDATE: CRUNCHY NUT’S CINCO DE MAYO PROMOTION HAS BEEN TAKEN DOWN FROM NUT CRUNCH’S FACEBOOK PAGE, APPARENTLY BECAUSE IT WAS NOT REALLY FUNNY, NOR RELEVANT. HOWEVER I MADE SURE TO SAVE THE COPY -AND GRAPHICS- FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT…  Oh no, they didn’t! I swear it took me a while of digging before realizing this page … Continue reading Kelloggs Wants you to Know Cinco de Mayo Is Some Sort of Mayan Celebration. LOL