Uncle Sam Wants You to Stop Eating Salsa

Forget tomatoes. With the aid of Lou Dobbs and his secuaces mainstream media, so adept at scaring the bejesus out of people, the FDA is expanding its investigation on the recent salmonella outbreak way beyond Mexican tomatoes. The new, potential culprits?

The FDA is now testing cilantro, jalapeño peppers, and Serrano peppers, as well as tomatoes, to find the source of the salmonella outbreak that has sickened at least 943 people in 40 states and Washington, D.C..”

Cilantro????!!! And how are we supposed to keep up with the Hot Latin Diet?


Busgirl Wanted as Busboy in NYC Chinese Restaurant

The management of Upper West Side Chinese eatery Hunan Balcony has given up on hiring fellow nationals, and has instead embarked on the hunt for a Spanglish-speaking female busboy.

“Hunan Balcony needs “una busboy.” (Wouldn’t it better to call her a busgirl?… I wonder.)

Pardon the fuzzy picture, but it was hard enough to take, with Hunan Balcony’s management ready to snatch my camera phone upon realizing I was up to nothing good.

Mexican Aspiring Chefs are Oh So Blond!

Meet the cast of Univision’s newest novela, Querida Enemiga, yet another Televisa refried production, starring Mexico’s 0.009% blond population.

But don’t be fooled by these people’s looks. Their lives are real complex and must undergo a series of tough obstacles to find happiness. Check it out:

Lorena and Sara were raised together in an orphanage, and even though they have totally different personalities, they love each other as sisters. Lorena’s greatest wish is to become a chef, and so, one day she says goodbye to the nuns that raised her and leaves to study cuisine in Mexico City. That same day, the Mother Superior discovers that Sara has stolen all the funds of the orphanage. When she confronts Sara, she suffers a heart attack and dies. Sara runs with her lover and accomplice Chalo, the driver of the orphanage. To erase all trace of her presence, she steals her file and Lorena’s. When she reads them, she learns that she was found in the garbage dump, but Lorena was abandoned in the orphanage without explanation by her grandmother, the millionaire Hortensia Armendariz. Sara’s first impulse is to find Lorena and help her confront her grandmother and demand her rights, but then she reconsiders her options and decides to usurp her place in the Armendariz gastronomic empire.”

Man! This plot is making me hungry, and depressed.

Gringos are Happier than Mexicans. The Dutch are Just Too High to Care

So much for the so-called Mexican joy. It turns out the happiest country in the world is Denmark, according to the latest Happiness report, followed by Puerto Rico and Colombia. Even the United States (which ranked #16) turned out to be happier than Mexico (#18).

Puerto Rico and Colombia I understand, with all the dancing and stuff going on. But Denmark???!!! Give me a break. If you asked me, the whole thing would have been more credible if Holland had made it to the top.

Why? Just check out the news:

“The Netherlands today became the latest European country to introduce a ban on smoking in public places. Smoking marijuana will still be allowed in Holland’s famous coffee-shops, but smokers on the premises will not be allowed to mix it with tobacco.”

… Now, that’s one happy place!