Consider newly minted Jimena Navarrete of Mexico, who was seeing chatting away cozily with immigration attorney Michael Wildes of Wildes & Weinberg PC, barely minutes after winning the Miss Universe pageant Monday night.
Why? because we think she has big plans for her U.S. stay: Mr. Wildes is not only an expert in immigration law but he serves as the legal counsel of the stars, having secured green cards for Stefania Fernandez and Dayana Mendoza, Misses Universe 2008 and 2009, respectively.
Despite the above costume (or perhaps because of it) a young Mexican holds the title of this year’s Miss Universe. A native of Guadalajara, Jimena Navarrete is only 22 and expected to move to New York City some time soon… So, we can only guess she’ll have plenty of time to start dropping a lot of little brown creatures around.
Yakult’s first Spanish-language effort -via Siltanen & Partners Agency– features a very happy-looking woman, who apparently loooooves hanging out with her large intestine. Not only she wakes up with this thing in her bed, but she seems to have it always around; cleaning the house, flying a kite, setting up the Christmas tree, riding a horse and even holding hands together while walking on the beach. ¡Guácala!
If you needed one more reason to fear “The Mexicans” consider this: not content with dropping babies all over the place, we are ready to take over by having our very own extraterrestrial creatures invade North America.
At least that’s what I was able to piece together from watching the trailer -and visual propaganda- of the upcoming piece of shit blockbuster Monsters, written and directed by the very unknown Garreth Edwards and starring a bunch of people I’ve never heard of.
Grab your escopetas, gringos, here come the real Mexican aliens!
Mrs. Hayek-Pinault set some time aside in her busy agenda to star in this spot (filmed in Los Angeles) advising her paisanos to stop complaining and help Mexico become, like, a better place.
“Don’t ask what Mexico can do for us but what we can do for Mexico,” says Salmita in her cute accent. Though I really think she meant to say “what YOU can do for Mexico,” because last time I checked she was quite busy commuting between two homes, one in Paris and the other one in Beverly Hills.
If you are still unconvinced about how bad things are in Arizona, consider this. Even our very own Jorge Ramos, Univision’s cute-as-a-button, blond and blue-eyed news anchor, fears he could be stopped in Arizona because of the color of his skin.
I told you, people, it was just a matter of time before the GOP and other non-GOP gringos discovered our plot to take over their country. First it was the Queens mother who gave birth to six healthy babies in what is believed to be first sextuples ever born to a Hispanic couple in the U.S.
Now, according to the Associated Press, four sisters from one family have each given birth within four days. Yep, that’s four sisters, four babies, four days… And in case you were wondering, all these sisters are conspicuously named Sepúlveda or Pazos or López.
You might have read it all over the place: Procter & Gamble Co. this month said it will focus all its marketing efforts surrounding its Gain dishwashing liquid on the growing Latino market.
And why not? Latinos are, like, hugely important. Not only we are the changing face of America, but as Kirk Perry, P&G vice president for North America, puts it: “We think there’s a huge upside to that market.”
There is so much enthusiasm around this plan, that the company has even started to make up “Spanish” words, such as “desigñadora” de aroma para el “logar.”
In case you missed it, Colombian (nor Columbian) bombshell Sofía Vergara went to Jay Leno this week, apparently to talk about Modern Family, but ultimately to pitch Alpina’s Dulce de Leche, which by the way Chef Gordon Ramsay thought tasted like “shit.”
In a public statement, Carlos Ramírez, a spokesman for the U.S. subsidiary of Alpina said: “We were pleased that Sofia Vergara chose Alpina’s Dulce de Leche and we are very happy that Jay Leno liked it.”
Perhaps, what Mr. Ramírez really, really wanted to say was: “We couldn’t care less that Chef Ramsay didn’t like it. What do British people know about food, anyway?”
This blogger attended such an important event (and ensuing cocktail, of course) to personally attest to the growing power of Latinos and Latinas everywhere -even at the Time Life Building, where most of the security and catering were done by our people… But I digress: In addition to presenting the study’s findings, People en Españolalso announced the upcoming launch of HEAT (Hispanic Ethnicity Attachment Tracker) which the magazine hopes will “help measure the effectiveness of a brand in reaching their demographic, based on Latinas’ attachments -or non-attachments- to their ‘Hispanic Ethnicity.'”
This is, like, cool, I think… Alas, I’m very busy these days trying to figure out my MEAT (or Mexican Ethnicity Attachment Tracker) to really get serious about my HEAT.
But don’t you people worry! I’ll be working on it and keep you posted.
“Chargrilled turbot” AND “Andalusian-style chilled gazpacho”? Gee! Next time you feel like boasting about your Sunday brunch… Please, pause a little and show some respect … digo, unless you tell me you actually had all that fancy shit for brunch. I mean, come on!
U.S. Senators plan to halt ‘invasion by birth canal’ by overturning constitutional guarantee for anyone born on U.S. soil
I told you! It was just a matter of time before somebody found out what we (i.e. immigrants) have been cooking up all these years: Taking over America by birthing lots of little creatures to populate this country.