Finally! Food Makers Understand the Importance of Marketing Columbian Stuff

It was just a matter of time before food makers jumped on the Columbia-trend-wagon.

See? First the Washington Post wrote a story about Columbia’s Free Trade Agreement and then CBS called Shakira the ‘Columbian Carrie Bradshaw.’ And now, Nuestro Queso, LLC, a small outlet in Hackensack, N.J. which cannot even spell its own name on the company’s URL, is peddling Queso Fresco Columbiano.

Wait! If it’s fresh and Columbian, shouldn’t we call it Queso Freshman instead?

[and don’t get me started on “El Pueblano” but that’s another story…]

Having Secured the Miss Universe Crown, Jimena Navarrete Goes for the Green [Card]

Miss Universe 2010 Jimena Navarrete pictured with immigration attorney, Michael Wildes. Photo: Courtesy of Wildes & Weinberg PC

I told you, people… But sometimes you just don’t listen: Getting your U.S. residency can be as easy as becoming Miss Universe first.

Consider newly minted Jimena Navarrete of Mexico, who was seeing chatting away cozily with immigration attorney Michael Wildes of Wildes & Weinberg PC, barely minutes after winning the Miss Universe pageant Monday night.

Why? because we think she has big plans for her U.S. stay: Mr. Wildes is not only an expert in immigration law but he serves as the legal counsel of the stars, having secured green cards for Stefania Fernandez and Dayana Mendoza, Misses Universe 2008 and 2009, respectively.

See? these señoritas are smarter than you think!

Mexican Wins Miss Universe Title. Americans Fret Over How Many Babies She’ll be Dropping

Despite the above costume (or perhaps because of it) a young Mexican holds the title of this year’s Miss Universe. A native of Guadalajara, Jimena Navarrete is only 22 and expected to move to New York City some time soon… So, we can only guess she’ll have plenty of time to start dropping a lot of little brown creatures around.

Take that, Brewer, Arpaio & Co.!

Yakult Wants You to Have Fun With Your Intestine

Talk about a gutsy commercial!

Yakult’s first Spanish-language effort -via Siltanen & Partners Agency– features a very happy-looking woman, who apparently loooooves hanging out with her large intestine. Not only she wakes up with this thing in her bed, but she seems to have it always around; cleaning the house, flying a kite, setting up the Christmas tree, riding a horse and even holding hands together while walking on the beach. ¡Guácala!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

These are Mexican Aliens You Should be Scared of

If you needed one more reason to fear “The Mexicans” consider this: not content with dropping babies all over the place, we are ready to take over by having our very own extraterrestrial creatures invade North America.

At least that’s what I was able to piece together from watching the trailer -and visual propaganda- of the upcoming piece of shit blockbuster Monsters, written and directed by the very unknown Garreth Edwards and starring a bunch of people I’ve never heard of.

Grab your escopetas, gringos, here come the real Mexican aliens!

Salma Wants You to Help Mexico, Because She Is Too Busy Living Between Paris and Beverly Hills

Mrs. Hayek-Pinault set some time aside in her busy agenda to star in this spot (filmed in Los Angeles) advising her paisanos to stop complaining and help Mexico become, like, a better place.

“Don’t ask what Mexico can do for us but what we can do for Mexico,” says Salmita in her cute accent. Though I really think she meant to say “what YOU can do for Mexico,” because last time I checked she was quite busy commuting between two homes, one in Paris and the other one in Beverly Hills.

Gracias, Salmita, we’ll do -and keep you posted!

Spot: Iniciativa México

OMG! Even Jorge Ramos Thinks His Skin Color Could Get Him into Trouble in Arizona

If you are still unconvinced about how bad things are in Arizona, consider this. Even our very own Jorge Ramos, Univision’s cute-as-a-button, blond and blue-eyed news anchor, fears he could be stopped in Arizona because of the color of his skin.

In his Aug. 2 syndicated column, Ramos expressed a little relief about Judge Susan Bolton issuing an injunction to suspend some of the most controversial parts of the SB1070 Law:

“[…] Otherwise, I would not have felt quite as comfortable walking in downtown Phoenix the other day without my passport or driver’s license. Some police officers’ suspicions might have been aroused by my brown skin and slight accent…”

Not sure about the accent thing -yet- but if you think you look a bit browner than this guy, be afraid, be very afraid!

Bracing for Changes in 14th Amendment, the Sepúlvedas Drop Lots of Babies in Matter of Days

I told you, people, it was just a matter of time before the GOP and other non-GOP gringos discovered our plot to take over their country. First it was the Queens mother who gave birth to six healthy babies in what is believed to be first sextuples ever born to a Hispanic couple in the U.S.

Now, according to the Associated Press, four sisters from one family have each given birth within four days. Yep, that’s four sisters, four babies, four days… And in case you were wondering, all these sisters are conspicuously named Sepúlveda or Pazos or López.

The same obstetrician delivered the babies of three of the sisters – 27-year-old Lilian Sepulveda, 29-year-old Saby Pazos and 24-year-old Leslie Pazos – in the same suburban Chicago hospital on Friday and Saturday. A fourth sister, Heidi Lopez, gave birth on Monday in California.

So there you have it, gringos, be afraid, people, be very afraid!

P&G Beefs Up Hispanic Marketing, Makes Up Words

You might have read it all over the place: Procter & Gamble Co. this month said it will focus all its marketing efforts surrounding its Gain dishwashing liquid on the growing Latino market.

And why not? Latinos are, like, hugely important. Not only we are the changing face of America, but as Kirk Perry, P&G vice president for North America, puts it: “We think there’s a huge upside to that market.”

There is so much enthusiasm around this plan, that the company has even started to make up “Spanish” words, such as “desigñadora” de aroma para el “logar.”

[At least they made sure to include an “ñ”]

Way to go, Gain!

Leno, Vergara Loooove Dulce de Leche…. Gordon Ramsay Thinks it Tastes Like S**t

In case you missed it, Colombian (nor Columbian) bombshell Sofía Vergara went to Jay Leno this week, apparently to talk about Modern Family, but ultimately to pitch Alpina’s Dulce de Leche, which by the way Chef Gordon Ramsay thought tasted like “shit.”

In a public statement, Carlos Ramírez, a spokesman for the U.S. subsidiary of Alpina said: “We were pleased that Sofia Vergara chose Alpina’s Dulce de Leche and we are very happy that Jay Leno liked it.”

Perhaps, what Mr. Ramírez really, really wanted to say was: “We couldn’t care less that Chef Ramsay didn’t like it. What do British people know about food, anyway?”

‘People en Español’ Ready to Unveil HEAT. Meanwhile, I’ll Keep Working on my MEAT

Yeah, I wear a Mariachi hat every time I cook, which is like never

You might not know this, but last week, People en Español released its annual Hispanic Opinion Tracker (HOT) Study, which revealed some insights on “the changing role of Latina women in the U.S.”

This blogger attended such an important event (and ensuing cocktail, of course) to personally attest to the growing power of Latinos and Latinas everywhere -even at the Time Life Building, where most of the security and catering were done by our people… But I digress: In addition to presenting the study’s findings, People en Español also announced the upcoming launch of HEAT (Hispanic Ethnicity Attachment Tracker) which the magazine hopes will “help measure the effectiveness of a brand in reaching their demographic, based on Latinas’ attachments -or non-attachments- to their ‘Hispanic Ethnicity.'”

This is, like, cool, I think… Alas, I’m very busy these days trying to figure out my MEAT (or Mexican Ethnicity Attachment Tracker) to really get serious about my HEAT.

But don’t you people worry! I’ll be working on it and keep you posted.

Michelle and Sasha Obama Had Sunday Lunch in Spain… And it Was Much Nicer than Yours

"Oh, what a wonderful brown little person we have here!"

OK, so if you thought your weekend sucked, consider this: While you and I were enjoying our typical Sunday breakfast, two beautiful Obama girls were having a delightful Sunday lunch with none other than the mismísimo King of Spain -and wife.

According to AP:

Lunch was Andalusian-style chilled gazpacho soup, chargrilled turbot, veal escalopes with mustard, Oriental rice with sauteed mushrooms, a Mallorca-style vegetable ratatouille and sliced fruit with ice cream, accompanied by wines from the northern regions of Rueda and Rioja.”

“Chargrilled turbot” AND “Andalusian-style chilled gazpacho”? Gee! Next time you feel like boasting about your Sunday brunch… Please, pause a little and show some respect … digo, unless you tell me you actually had all that fancy shit for brunch. I mean, come on!

Crap! Gringos Discover Our Secret Plan to Take Over: “Invasion By Birth Canal”

U.S. Senators plan to halt ‘invasion by birth canal’ by overturning constitutional guarantee for anyone born on U.S. soil

I told you! It was just a matter of time before somebody found out what we (i.e. immigrants) have been cooking up all these years: Taking over America by birthing lots of little creatures to populate this country.

According to the brilliant, anti-immigrant movement, what America is undergoing right now is a serious case of “Invasion by Birth Canal,” by which “illegal immigrants smuggle themselves into the U.S. to have ‘anchor babies,’” which I can only suppose means babies of people such as Jorge Ramos or María Elena Salinas, right?

[I always knew those two -and some 12 million more- were a sneaky bunch.]

Watch some more about this nonsense below:

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Jon Stewart: ‘Anchor Babies’ Sounds Like A New …, posted with vodpod