Everyone has seen the pic now: An awkward-looking Pope Francis who looks as if he is being held hostage inside his own home, posing next to a cheerful Donald Trump and his wife and daughter, both in black and wearing black veils — for some reason.
Now that The Atlantic and other VPM (Very Prestigious Media) decided to write about the “amazing phenomenon” that Despacito is, this blogger had no choice but to acknowledge the whole thing and give Luis Fonsi and his peeps a well-deserved space on this venerable blog, because, truth be told, I have NOT stopped dancing to this damn thing for, like, weeks!
Anyhow, just a couple of things before you venture here.
First, watch the original “Spanish”-language version (below.) Then, move onto an improbable version featuring none other than Justin Bieber (yeah, don’t ask, but he’s pretty good saying “manuscrito” in Spanish.) Last — but not least — watch this blogger’s favorite Italian people filming in real time their own LOVE-HATE relationship with this damn thing!
May is my favorite month of the year, and not only because it is my birthday, and spring is blooming and all that crap. It is because in addition to the very serious journalistic work I do everyday, I get to attend some of the presentations, parties and after-parties around the so-called Hispanic TV upfronts.
My favorite part, of course, is trying to cover the not-so-serious side of the three-day-marathon of parties, parties and programming presentations, interviews and business meetings.
Here are some highlights of this year’s Hispanic TV upfronts, which have left this blogger (and her liver) particularly damaged.
CNN en Español: Eñes, Eñes Everywhere!
* Hispanic TV Upfront week officially kicked off with a small, but lively party in New York City hosted by CNN en Español, which insists on putting an eñe on its logo, even though it looks silly and makes no sense whatsoever. This time around, though, the “eñe-offender” made its way to pillows, cookies and chocolates, because why have pass the opportunity to amplify the silliness?
Personally, the highlight of this year’s CÑÑ’s presentation was non other than Jeff Zucker, the mero merojefe of CNN (sans eñe,) who kicked off the event by addressing the audience in a moderately good Spanish.
Needless to say, this blogger did her best to run after him as soon as he stepped off the thing and tried to ask him who had coached him in the language of Cervantes. Alas, I have to report Mr. Zucker runs way faster than me!
Unlike previous years, Telemundo did not host its own upfront presentation, but was a small part of a much bigger event by parent company NBCU at Radio City Hall. But in an effort to make it up to the many people it didn’t invite to Radio City Hall (ahem, ahem, self,) it treated hundreds of advertising executives, media — and me, of course — to a lavish party Monday night featuring Enrique Iglesias (also known as The-Singer-That-Makes-This-Blogger-Feel-Like-a-Cougar.)
As usual, right before the event I was able to squeeze past security and reach the so-called VIP area of the Hammerstein Ballroom, where I spotted my friend José Díaz Balart chatting with former Univision star Mario Kreutzberger (aka Don Francisco) who is making a TV comeback on Telemundo — for some reason.
It is important to note there was some kind of “wall” between me and the celebrities, but nothing a crafty Mexican couldn’t get through.
Univision’s ‘Proof of Passion’
Univision’s theme for its 2017 Upfront presentation was “Proof of Passion,” a celebration of the things that Hispanics are so passionate about, namely soccer, family and dancing! Yes, there was the usual stuff about how much my people (i.e. The Hispanics) love soccer, their family and all that jazz. But there were also some fun jabs at Telemundo’s own theme, SHIFT, which Univision simply dismissed as just “a crock of shift.”
“We’ve heard how there’s some kind of shift happening,” said Steve Mandala, Univision’s executive vicepresident of ad sales. “That is a crock of shift.”
Univision’s presentation closed with Shakira performing two songs. TWO SONGS, after which she just simply wished us all well and walked away.
Oh and did I mention how RUDE and awful it was for Univision to forgo its lavish luncheon that had become a legend in town? Come on, Randy Falco, that luncheon was literally the only thing that made this blogger get her Latina butt moving and stand the horrors of Times Square.
Are you telling me Univision finances are so bad that you couldn’t afford the spiced pollo of last year? SAD!
This year, the party took place at ESPACE NY, and – unlike previous years – it was much smaller, and the room looked kind of empty at times. On the bright side, it was easier to harass famous, beautiful Latin people and refill my champagne glass way faster than in years before.
Other than me, other beautiful people who showed up included.
María Elena Salinas, looking sharp as ever and drinking tons of water (which is what I should have done)
Thalía, who received an special award for being the Latina that has been featuring more times in the special Bellos issue….
David Chocarro, who was seen posing near some skincare products, but could have used a comb instead…
… and Lili Estefan, Raúl de Molina, Geraldine Bazán, Gabriel Soto and many, many more famous Latinos whose name I couldn’t really catch after all those liters of … Seltzer water.
Anyhow, everything ended up smoothly and this blogger was able to go back home in one piece, blessed by a beautiful Manhattan night.
In yet another sign that Hispanic television is determined to “superserve its audience with relevant programming,” Univision Communications has partnered with AT&T to bring us — are you ready? — El Chapo Ilimitado! (Unlimited Chapo,) a weekly Facebook Live series that “serves as a forum for fans to discuss new episodes of El Chapo, a new crime television series co-produced by Netflix and Univision.
El Chapo Ilimitado (which I’m sure is a wink to AT&T’s unlimited data plans, duh) is hosted by Univision personalities Lourdes Stephen and Carlos Calderón, who show an extraordinary disposition to look cheerful — and fun! — while discussing one of Mexico’s most sanguinary drug dealers every single week.
Per a company press release, this thing is streamed via Facebook Live on Univision’s Facebook page Sunday evenings at 10 p.m. immediately following the premiere of new episodes.
Say what you will, but Hispanic TV will never cease to depress amuse this blogger.
If there was any doubt that Mexicans have taken over the USA, take a walk on the wild side… of The Bronx; more especifically, around Webster Avenue, one of the borough’s longest throughfares, and you’ll come across El Rancho, formerly NY Capital Bank, and now home of some of the most delish Mexican food in the area.
Because, really, who needs walls — and/or banks — when you can have tacos?
OKAY, people, stop doing whatever it is you are doing right now. A potentially devastating malaise known as Avocado Hand is affecting an increasing number of non-Mexican people, specifically those who have no idea how to cut an avocado, namely Americans and Brits.
According to the always reliable Daily Mail, the number of people visiting the emergency room suffering from “avocado hand” knife injuries is on the rise. But… how bad exactly is this thing? Well, it is so bad it once got none other than Meryl Streep, who famously required hand surgery after cutting her fingers while preparing a delish guacamole.
The problem is not limited to America, no señor. London-based plastic surgeon Simon Eccles told The Times that he sees about four patients a week now suffering with wounds caused by trying to cut an avocado, because — shockingly — there are avocados in London.
Fortunately, they are plenty of resources out there for you not to end up in the emergency room with a bunch of avocado-clueless anglos. There are even guides and fancy gadgets for you to master your avocado grip.
So, get yourself together and don’t say I didn’t warn you….
Speaking of awesome Cinco de Mayo marketing ideas, a bar in California decided it was a great idea to celebrate the faux Mexican holiday by offering … fake green cards to drunken patrons willing to climb an inflatable border wall.
According to the always reliable Gustavo Arellano, Hennessey’s Tavern, in Dana Point, California thought it was idea to build a “wall” and offer patrons willing to climb it a “green card,” which would not actually grant them legal status, but get them a free drink, because nothing says “fun” as drunken gringos wearing sombreros and climb walls, you know?
It looks like the promotion — and several videos associated with the stunt — have all been deleted from the bar’s Instagram account, and the establishment in question has since apologized. But, hey, haven’t these people heard about screenshots *and* pesky bloggers?
Despite the hype — and much anticipation — Donald Trump proved to be a real disappointment this week in Mexico.
And no, I’m not talking about the dimwit who sits in the Oval Office, but of another kind of burro: an adorable donkey who failed to even make it to the finals at the Annual Festival del Burro in Otumba, Mexico.
According to my always reliable sources (i.e. the Internet,) Donald Trump was the most hated among the 50 donkeys that took place in the bizarre competition. The reason?
The discomfort towards what Donald Trump represents caused that many attendees to the fair did not even want to vote for him […]
Well, I guess you can say anything about those pesky Mexicans, but they seem to know better when it comes to cast their vote.