Looking for a Place to Fix Your Latino Computer?

Photo: Laura Martínez/Silver Spring, MD

In an increasingly Latinoized USA, we have seen (and this blog has dutifully documented) the birth of the Hispanic cheese; the deliciously weird tortilla-flavored chocolates; the Mexican Coca-Cola and even a Hispanic lettuce to go with your Hispanic tuna and your Hispanic mayonnaise.

So it was just a matter of time before small business owners jumped on the Latino wagon to create culturally-relevant businesses, like this computer store and Internet service outlet I spotted last weekend in Silver Spring, MD.

Hispanic Cheaters are not as Bad as Regular Cheaters

Hispanic men and women who cheat on their wives and husbands are not really disgusting pigs. ¡No, señor!

According to the authority in established cheating, Ashley Madison:

“Hispanic men and women who cheat on their spouses are more monogamous in their affairs than the rest of its customers.”

Now you know it.

And these people know what they’re talking about. They even have a dedicated news service called -what else?- Infidelity News.

Pivotal PR Thinks this Press Release is in Spanish

UPDATE: Nicole Wool, a publicist for Allison Pescosolido, sent me an email explaining what had happened with the Spanish-language pitch on behalf of her client. You can scroll down to the end of this post to read her email (unedited.) 

A PR executive in Los Angeles (I’ve withheld his name) sent me the following press release in what he believes is the Spanish language. Not only the letter is plagued with typos and grammatical errors, but it includes several made-up words and phrases that can actually be very amusing (i.e. He wants to physically introduce one of his clients into my humble anatomy.) He also thinks his client (the same client who will be introduced inside myself) can help couples deal with stuff like the “brokerage” of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Truly amusing, I tell you.

Let’s tally the grammatical errors, shall we?:

Hola Laura- Espero que estes bien y que tu semana a empesado con tranquilidad.

Te quiero intruducir a un cliente mio que se llama Allison Pescosolido MA. Allison es una expert en relaciones y es la fundadora de la series educacionales – Divorce Detox. La maravilla es que Allison ayuda a gente con sus relaciones etc. y trabaja mucho con la communidad latina. So no solamente relaciones si no cuando pase un divorcio como ser buenos padres, que es saludable para los ninos, como tartar espiritualmente, pshycologicamente y como sobresalir algo tan dificil. Ciendo una expert en el divorcio le ayudado tambien hacer una expert en relaciones que acaban de empesar. Ayudar y notar signos de alarma, como negociar, y como escojar parejas y trabajar por situaciones que pueden ser impossible de controlar.

En addicion Allison has trabajado con estrellas de Hollywood- Nombrandoce una experta de las estrellas, su trabajo ha apparecido en E!, Access Hollywood, y Hollyscoop y en las revistas de OK! Magazine, Life & Style, NY Times y muchos mas.

Unos topicos que quisiera voluntary para tu audencia y la communidad Latina incluyen:

– Como Sobrevivir los dias festivos: Las primeras vacaciones sin tu esposo o esposa, las primeras vacaciones sin tus hijos y creando nuevas tradiciones.

-Relaciones de larga distancia y como hacer las trabajar.

Sobreviendo Infedilidad

Soporte a la infancia y las leyes: Cosas que todos papas deverian de saber.

-Relaciones de los celebridades y las rompesas de relaciones como Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes o Kanye West/Kim Kardashian cuando tengas una historia de divorcio, compromise o historias de relaciones.

– Consejos de relaciones: donde conocer personas, como hacer espacio por algiuen nuevo cuando estas muy ocupado, que signos son alambrantes.

-Consejos generales de divorcio: como mantener una relacion saludable o como ser buenos padres despues de un divorcio.

Por favor dejame saber si esto es algo que te interasa– quisiera trabajar con tigo! Aprecio tu ayuda y espero con interes escuchar sus pensamientos.

XXXXXXXX

Account Executive | Pivotal Public Relations

544 South San Vicente Boulevard | Los Angeles | CA 90048

@pivotalpr

_______________________________________________________________

Here is the response of Ms. Wool, sent on Nov. 16, 2012.

Hi Laura:

My name is Nicole Wool.  I am the publicist for Allison Pescosolido.  I saw the release that you posted from Pivotal PR regarding Allison.  I am so very sorry.  Pivotal was handling elements of Allison’s campaign, and a publicist in that office who is Latin, translated this pitch on the publicist’s (John’s) behalf.  Unbeknownst to John and contrary to what John’s colleague represented, her Spanish is clearly not strong.  

Is there any way you might please consider taking down your post?  I realize it must have come off as insulting and inexperienced.  However, it is terribly embarrassing to Allison.  She did not approve this pitch, nor did she have any awareness that the PR firm sent it out on her behalf. She is a great expert and doesn’t deserve to be collateral damage in what was clearly a major mistake.   She has worked very hard to build an excellent reputation and helped many people.  

Might you please consider taking it down? I am happy to discuss this with you and to do whatever it takes to make this right. 

Nicole Wool | CEO

Why Legalizing Pot Could Boost Hispanic Employment

As Washington prepares for the inevitable (i.e. legalizing pot in several states), another groundbreaking discovery is about to take place: That those experienced with rolling delicious tacos might be in for some new, exciting employment opportunities. Think the cigar-rolling Dominicans in this Seinfeld episode, or -even better- Snoop Dog showing us what is really behind an expert taco roll.

Snoop Knows Best – Taquito from mun2eschido on Vimeo.

Amazon Wants you to Have a Mexican Merry Christmas

¡Ajúa! Me and my pistoleros will eat jumping beans and wish you a Feliz Navidad

As soon as I learned that Amazon was partnering with JibJab to release customizable video gift cards, I visited the online retailer to create my very own customizable video gift card.

To my surprise, I found the company offers a multicultural option which -of course- allows for you to create a Mexican-themed Christmas video song, featuring yourself  dancing to the rhythm of non-Mexican José Feliciano. [You can click on the photo above to see me in full action.]

So what are you waiting for? Go be a Mexican for the holidays!

¡Arriba, arriba! ¡Caramba, caramba!

Univision Journalist Pays Awkward Homage to Don Francisco

The celebrations around the 50th anniversary of Sábado Gigante have included everything, from a one-on-one interview with this blogger in Queens, to an October 27th telecast that registered over 7 million total viewers.

But none of these festivities comes close to the homage paid by journalist Tony Dandrades, a Univision anchor and reporter for Primer Impacto. Watch. Cringe. Enjoy. Repeat if necessary.

The 2012 Election on my Facebook Timeline

One of the best things about being silly, is that you tend to attract similar characters to your life (or, in this case, to your Facebook timeline, which is basically the same.)

Here’s a taste of what my stupid creative Facebook friends shared with me on the historic night that Nov. 6th, 2012 turned out to be.

APOLOGIES TO THE MONOLINGUAL CROWD: You have to be bilingual to appreciate this.