I Don’t Know you, but I’ll be Meeting with La Migra in April

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Awww, New York City! — home of Mariachi SantasDominican sushi and life-size cardboard mariachis — is now proud to introduce you to La Migra, a Mexico-based norteño band that promises to rock your world on Friday April 8 in The Bronx.

According to a promo that has been plastered all over my neighborhood, La Migra will be soon playing at El Palenque, and the venue promises to let everybody in. Yes, EVERYBODY WILL BE ALLOWED TO COME IN.

Are you listening, Border Patrol?

Photo: Laura Martínez, Harlem 2016

The Bernie Sanders Corrido Will Have you Feel ‘El Quemazón’

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What better way to show your love for Bernie Sanders than writing a song about feeling the burn … in Spanish?

That’s exactly what Grupo La Meta has done. The Mexican-American band from Modesto, California, has written El Quemazón, an homage to the Bernie Sanders, so that my people can also “Feel the Bern.”

He’s the man with a vision to better this country […] He’s running for president but the rich don’t want him. Bernie Sanders is his name. Now you’re going to feel his burn.

¡Ajúa!

Via: Adrián Carrasquillo

President Obama Does Latin America; Has more Fun than you

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After a historic visit to Cuba, where he posed next to El Ché, learned how to salsa, sipped mojitos and smoked cigars, President Barack Obama this week made his way to Argentina, his first official visit to the South American country.

Barely hours after the Air Force One touched down in the Argentinean capital, the Obamas found themselves wrapping their legs around perfect strangers.

Oh, and how they enjoyed it!

Mexicans Will Pay for Trump’s Wall Because Everyone Loves Paying for Sh*it they Don’t Want

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Over the weekend, HBO’s Last Week Tonight host John Oliver decided to break down Donald Drumpf’s border wall plan, an idea which he likens to getting a pet walrus: “You think it’s stupid now—wait until you learn what a bucket of sea cucumbers costs. You’re not prepared for that.”

Watch as Oliver “seriously” breaks down Drumpf’s wall for a little over 18 minutes. The result is, well, hilarious.

Obama Talks to Pánfilo: It’s not Que Bolá, It’s Qué Bolá. Qué Lío

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Oh yes!

Before his historic (and hysterical) trip to Havana, Cuba, President Obama called Luis Silvia (aka Pánfilo), a retired, not-too-bright Cuban man who plays a (subtle) satire of how Cuban people often have to use their wits to escape the poverty and absurdity of life in modern communist Cuba.

In a video of the skit posted by the U.S. Embassy in Havana, Pánfilo ends up getting connected directly to Obama in the Oval Office only to be tangled up in the whole Qué bolá (or is it Qué bóla?) thing.

Watch, anyway, and let’s discuss this tomorrow. This blogger is too “Bolá” to make any more sense tonight.

Waldenbuch-Based Ritter Sport Introduces Tortilla Chips Chocolate Because Why the Hell Not?

¡Guácala!
¡Guácala!

I have never been to Waldenbuch, Germany, but I’m sure it’s a city teeming with creative people thinking out of the German box.

Take the Ritter Sport chocolate factory, which is pulling all its marketing strings to pitch its latest concoction: the Knusper Tortilla Chips Chocolate, which I’m not really able to describe to you, because these tricky people had the brilliant idea of explaining everything in German.

However, I was able to get a hold of a video, where you can see a bunch of German tortilla chips happily march to their German chocolate dead.

Hat tip: Marco Principato

¡Gracias, Boston! It’s Only March 18, but the Cinco de Mayo Nonsense Is already here

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Tired of bashing the Drumpf piñata or getting drunk on green stuff to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?

Worry no more! Cinco de Mayo — and all the nonsense that comes with it — is just around the corner, and this blogger will be right here to bring it all to you.

Kicking off the 2016 festivities is the Cinco de Mayo Sunset Cruz, billed as “THE FIRST cruise BASH of the season!!!” (capital and bold letters their emphasis, not mine.) 

Now, while the promotional flyer (above) hints the event will feature mariachis, chihuahua dogs in wrestling costumes and scantily-clad red-hair señoritas, photos from previous cruises show a very different reality, namely, tons of white guys & gals wearing sombreros and drinking like there’s no tomorrow.

Either way, this blogger wishes them the best in their celebration of “Mexican” culture, so … ¡Ajúa, Boston!

Boston

Univision Launches Dolls Inspired by Univision’s Latin Beauty Pageant, because Univision

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Move over, Mexican Barbie! Here come Nuestra Belleza Latina-inspired dolls, Univision’s latest marketing effort to celebrate the 10th anniversary of its very own Latin beauty pageant.

The six dolls — Dulce, Yaritza, Sol, Niki, Odalys and Paola —have all been inspired by the “diverse and compelling stories of Latinas,” which as you know are all very diverse, despite having the exact same measurements.

This beauties are available in either evening gown or swim suit via Amazon, LatinaGirlPower.com and “several Hispanic grocery store chains,” which I assume are those same stores where you can buy Hispanic cheese, Hispanic lettuce, Hispanic chips, etc.

 

Trump Rally in Chicago Erupts in Violence, Because the Mexicans

When in doubt, blame the Mexicans
When in doubt, blame the Mexicans

According to several fair and balanced TV reports, a group of “Hispanics [SIC] in flags and Mexican sombreros” were spotted during Friday night’s chaotic Drumpf rally chanting We stopped Drumpf, We stopped Drumpf!

And that, my friends, only proves one very important thing: That my people not only wear sombreros and sarapes to eat tacos and sleep while holding a bottle of mezcal, but also to demonstrate against fascists.

WATCH and beware of Hispanics with sombreros:

Got the Trump Blues? Drown your Sorrows Away at the Barackawama

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From the always popular “Mexicans: How can anybody not like us?” series, I give you Barackawama, a real bar in the unassuming town of Iguala de la Independencia, Guerrero. It is so real, it even has a Facebook page, so be kind and give them a Like.

This jewel even caters to lovers of Bud Light’s Lime-a-Ritas and features some awesome artwork on its walls.

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Are you convinced yet?

I’m pretty sure this is where y’all will turn to if He-Who-Will-Remain-Unnamed makes it to the White House.

Hat tip: @OphCourse

‘El País’: Mobile Services Move Slowly in Latin America, Because my People Ride Horses –or Something

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Yes, the above image (via Getty) was the image of choice by the editors of El País to illustrate an otherwise unremarkable story about mobile services and access in Latin America.

I think this is all great, but I have one question: Shouldn’t the services move rapidly — not slowly — while on a horse? I mean, I’m confused.

¡Ajúa, pues!