Month: January 2009

Looking for a Job? Hurry! the Migra is Hiring

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burritosThis country might be in the middle of an economic slump, but job seekers shouldn’t worry: the U.S. Customs and Border Patrol Protection is looking to hire 11,000 people this year! According to the agency’s guidelines, the job has a starting salary range of about $35,000 to $45,000, depending on qualifications, but you can be bumped up to around $55,000 in about two years (given you catch lots of mexicanos along the way.)

“We have gone through unprecedented expansion in the last several years. We need additional folks,” CBP’s spokesperson Tara Dunlop told AP.

All trainees are required to learn Spanish, although there’s nothing against heavy-accented people. Perhaps Melody Morales will want to give it a try?

Here’s is Why I Can’t Find a Job in Manhattan

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If you follow New York City media, I’m sure you are now familiar with the plight of Melody Morales, who  is suing Manhattans’ Hawaiian Tropic eatery for alleged discrimination. Their crime? Despite Morales’ “stunning figure” and her being really comfy wearing a bikini at work, she was refused a job for not “speaking white.”

“I don’t want to brag, but I look great in a bikini. I have great curves, tits, and just love to dress sexy,” the half Puerto Rican half Dominican told El Diario La Prensa. Alas, the hiring manager wanted none of that, saying her Latino accent would only ruin his business.

See? I always knew having an accent was going to hamper my chances of going to places in the U.S. And that is why I’m not rushing to send in my resume to Hawaiian Tropic (even if they are hiring… and they’re, like, a few blocks from home. Damn it!)

Go to Mexico. Get Mugged. We’ve Got you Covered!

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Wanna go to Mexico but cannot afford to lose all your dinerito at the hands of some very mean people? Worry no more: the Melbourne, Australia branch of STA Travel has a plan for you. For only $2.60 a day, you can insure your trip to Mexico; enjoy the thrills of being mugged and bring back some cool stories to tell your friends. And with all the extra savings, you may even be able to afford a gun.

(And you thought Mexico was only about beaches, mariachis, tequila and big-breasted mexicanas. Shame on you!)

Photo: Ballardian

Change You Cannot Believe In

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So much for the Inauguration euphoria. I woke up Wed. January 21st, ready to take in the long-promised Change. So I took a stroll around the White House’s Web site, where I hoped to find a comprehensive, all-inclusive Spanish-language page by clicking on the En Español link.

Alas, all I could find was four short biographies of Barack, Michelle, Joe and Jill, telling me for instance that Obama es el cuadragésimo cuarto presidente de EE.UU.

Could it be that they haven’t found a documented Spanish speaker in the Washington D.C. area? Perhaps Mrs. Obama’s Cuban designer can lend a helping hand. 

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Hat tip to Gabriel Sama

Dear Obama: Minority Kids Have a Dream Too

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It’s only hours before inauguration, and while Obama might be busy moving into the White House and dining with VIPs, he would be well advised to pause for a second and give Hispanic children a chance. Per Jory John’s OpEd piece in the New York Times, a mostly Hispanic crowd of little ones were invited to write a letter to the president elect to share their thoughts, hopes and advice to Mr. Obama.

There were, of course, lots of memorable requests (“Dear Mr. Obama: You look too skinny, you should eat more food”) but my favorite one came from 9-year-old Chad Timsing, of Los Angeles, who wrote:

Dear President Obama,

Could you help my family to get housecleaning jobs? I hope you will be a great president. If I were president, I would help all nations, even Hawaii. President Obama, I think you could help the world.

Could he? I’m sure there’s a lot of cleaning to be done at the White House.

Photo: The New York Times

‘Reforma’ Wants you to Know Mexican Immigrants in Miami are Blond, Dumb. Talk like Cantinflas

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Mexico City’s largest newspaper Reforma this week launched Legal Alien, a daily videoblog chronicling the “tough life” of a Mexican immigrant in the U.S.

“What is it with Mexico that many of us are coming to this country, either swimming [across the river] or even hiding under a truck?” laments Alonso Castillo, who looks more like a member of RBD than a Mexican immigrant starving for work opportunities.

Some of the readers’ comments to Castillo’s postings are pretty hilarious, including some begging him to get a job in Televisa. Alas, most encourage him to go on, because, you know, if you are a reader of Reforma, chances most of your Mexican friends and relatives now living in Miami look exactly like Castillo.

Women, Charro-Style Families Restrooms Only

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Plaza las Americas, in San Ysidro, CA., surely knows how to cater to a crowd of mostly Mexican shoppers, including Women and Family restrooms fully equipped for the convenience of your “typical” Mexican familia.

In the eyes of this mall’s planners, a typical Mexican family consists of: a man dressed in full charro gear (hat, tight trousers, matching bolero jacket and a huge belt buckle;) a woman in a maid-style apron (check out her mandil) who is probably someone’s maid, and a preppy kid in shorts and cardigan who probably goes to school in the “right side” of the border and wants nothing to do with the other two.

You can only thank the planners for making us all feel like one big charro happy family!

Photo (and hat tip to): Carla Raygoza.

Live ‘Reporting’ on a Real-Life Drama

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dominiccidelrincon1Ok, Ok. A couple of Thousands of loyal readers of this blog have bombarded my email asking why on Earth I have not written anything about the whole Dominicci vs. Del Rincón saga. Well, I have, actually, written about this though in a more serious outlet, but I understand that’s not as fun as blogging.

I’m watching Del Rincón on Telemundo’s Al Rojo Vivo as we speak, so there’s not much I can say now. All I could gather for the moment is the following: He did not beat his former wife, nor did he sleep with one of her bridesmaids on their wedding night (phew!) He seems to have a liking for drinking and the ladies, though, and he thinks María Celeste Arrarás drinks as much as he does. (However, judging from this picture, he seems to prefer water, while Dominicci is more a creamy capuccino-type of gal.)

Oh, and he weeps on camera. A lot. And he speaks about himself in third person (yeah, just like Marlon Brando.)

Stay tuned… More to come.