For the monolingual crowd… What Chente is actually saying here is that he’s Latino to the core and very proud of it. So…
“I remind you, my brother, we must go hand in hand until Hillary Clinton has secured the vote.”
And now I’ve seen [almost] everything
¡Ajúa!
I don’t want to rain on your Hispanic Heritage Month parade, but I felt this urge to let you know there is a Hispanic-Flag-themed thing going on on the Internet.
I will NOT name the culprit (OK, it’s Amazon.com) but there are these T Shirts currently on sale promising to mix your “Americanness” with a flag of your choice, including of course the Hispanic Flag. Because, Why-The-Hell-Not?
The only good news is that these beauties (most likely Made in China or Made in El Salvador) are only $19.99, and RETURNS ARE FREE.
See for yourself…
I hope by now you are aware that Cinco de Mayo is NOT Mexico’s Independence Day. Sixteen of September is, and the bash actually kicks off on the night of the 15, so by the time the 16 actually arrives, everybody is just too drunk to remember anything.
I might be a gringa now, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still a Mexican, so I decided to put together a quick list of the Five Things you Must Do to Celebrate El Grito in this increasingly globalized country.
1. Buy a Made-in-China Mexican flag
2. Go to your nearest Walmart and stock up on the cheapest non-Agave Tequila. (The real thing is too expensive for the average Mexican, and its production is already exclusive for exporting to gringos.)
3. Tell your wife you want your pozole spicy, even if she cannot afford to buy meat anymore.
4. Tune in the Canal de las Estrellas to witness our pathetic president yell ¡Viva México! repeatedly
5. Yell ¡Viva México! — repeatedly — right after our pathetic president. Hopefully by this time you’ll be too wasted on the fake-Tequila methanol to feel any shame.
Repeat as many times necessary until you feel a true patriotic fervor.
¡Viva México! ¡Viva México! ¡Viva México!
BONUS:
If anything else fails, go get a Texican Whopper or a Quesalupa. See you on the 16th as everyone will be most likely be puking somewhere.
I don’t know about you, but I do take national holidays very seriously, especially when it comes to drinking and eating like there’s no tomorrow.
So, in celebration of my very recent double-citizenship bonanza, I am pulling all my U.S.-based resources to list the very best stuff you can buy on THIS SIDE of the border to wear on September 15 and feel as if you were on the OTHER side of the border.
Please note that some of this stuff is very likely Made in China and will not last another September 15th, but who the hell cares? Get them all now, and join me tomorrow in yelling: ¡Viva México, cabrones!
Now, on to the day’s relevant clothing…
The simply-awesome Mexico leggings –and green shoes:
Pobre águila, but OK
The more subtle, millennial-oriented Mexican leggings:
The Mexico-inspired Converse sneakers:
Ideal for when someone yells ‘¡Ahí viene la migra!’
The Kobe Bryant Mexican Blanket Nike’s
The Frida Kahlo-themed Converse… Ay!
Vicente Fox pegándole a una piñata de Donald Trump en Estados Unidos es otro ladrillo en ese muro fronterizo. pic.twitter.com/ZQbmIDVG5b
— the worst guy (@eleseguey) 13 de septiembre de 2016
What’s worse than a bigoted, ridicule guy running for president? A bigoted, ridicule guy who once was elected president.
The above tweet was posted earlier today by the company that produces a series about narcos in Colombia, not Columbia.
Qué berracos!
