Prayer candles, better known among my people (i.e. The Hispanics) as veladoras, are making a splash among the avocado-loving millennial, non-Latin, non-religious crowd pushing their prices so high that you will wanna start praying for a raise.
According to this Vox.com article, a prayer candle featuring the likes of Elizabeth Warren, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez or Jonathan Van Ness (because they all kind of are in the same business) can cost up to $12, compared to a regular prayer candle, which you’ll find pretty much anywhere in the USA for $2 –or for very few pesitos in any Latin American street market.
University professors and religious studies experts claim this is yet another sign of the decline of religious affiliation of Americans and some even go as far as to call these colorful candles “blasphemous” and a “direct threat to the Catholic faith.”
I don’t know much about that, but consider yourselves warned: The gentrification of veladoras is here to stay.
Marketing professionals are one creative bunch.
Not content with bringing to market some awesome, creative
and stupid products (i.e. the avocado toast sneakers or the Throw Throw Burrito Game) they have now conceived another innovative thing…
I give you… the Summer of Tacos daily desk calendar, a thing that promises to have me dreaming of tacos every day of the week.
The idea, writes some marketing person apparently with a straight face, is “to celebrate the unofficial start of summer and its most notorious pairing, tacos and tequila.”
These calendars –which are being pitched as a must-have desk accessory– feature word puzzles, cocktail recipes and “taco facts to impress colleagues with at the water cooler.”
Listen, people, I dream of tacos every day and no, I don’t need your must-have desk accesory. *inserts eye roll emoji*
Not content with pushing the price of guacamole to the roof and destroying anything that is good with avocados, millennials are now into something called brunch tacos, as reported by The New York Times, the same medium that gave us the now infamous pea-guacamole.
I’m super busy right now, but please somebody DO SOMETHING!
Hat tip: Emily Ramshaw
Was this really necessary?
The short answer is no, but it seems like Americans in general –and millennials in particular– continue to find ways to ruin everything.
According to an unnecessarily long article, this thing was conceived by some dude in Vermont to help his fellow Americans, who continue to suffer from Avocado Hand, a potentially devastating malaise affecting an increasing number of non-Mexican people, specifically those who have no idea how to cut an avocado.
“They warn that putting avocado on a slice of bread is complicated and implies a danger, because in the United States some people have been injured trying to split an avocado, so they say that, with this presentation, enjoy the ‘green gold’ is simple and delicious.”
Oh, and don’t get me started on the plastic…
According to numerous reports, Amazon is asking customers to participate in a program that will help the company build “a Spanish-language Alexa experience” for U.S. users. The program, which is currently invite-only, “will allow Amazon to incorporate into the U.S. Spanish-language experience a better understanding of things like word choice and local humor.”
This couldn’t come soon enough because last time we checked, Alexa was doing *this*…
I don’t care who you are. Don’t do this to your puppy 😦
No matter how many bizarre holidays Americans come up with, Cinco de Mayo will forever be my favorite. And not only because it’s an excuse to drink all day and yell ¡Viva México! while thinking it’s our celebration of Independence (it’s not) but because it is also the time of year that brings out the
stupidest most creative marketing brains to sell Americans everything, from DIY printable fiesta kits and taquito shooters (whatever that is,) to senseless drink mixes, “ethnic food” and even life-size cardboard Mexicans as scene setters.
Etsy T-shirts, anyone?
Nacho de Mayo, because why not?
This time around, though, in honor of that amazing marketing tool known as Twitter, I’ve put together a few tweets making their way to my timeline. This has only begun, so, please help me by tweeting me your own personal horrors for 2019 Cinco de Mayo, preferably using the #CincoDeFallo hashtag and let the “Mexican” madness begin!
Note: This post will be updated on a regular basis.