Gobble Up. September is Cholesterol Education Month

Man! I’ve been so busy trying to catch up with my politics, that I almost forgot that September is Cholesterol Education Month. But thanks to media visionaries who care about us, I now know there is a healthy, Hispanic-looking snack that is good for us during this crucial month.

“Corazonas heart-healthy chips are proven to lower your cholesterol when eaten twice a day with meals,” according to their creators and -of course- Oprah Winfrey.

The company is now launching the Corazonas challenge, calling on people to reduce their triglycerides by lots and lots of points in a few days.

I haven’t decided yet if I’ll join the challenge but one thing is already very challenging to me: What on Earth does “Corazonas” mean? (and why do they have to be picante?)

Daddy Yankee’s McCain Endorsement Is Tough Act to Follow

I’m sure you know by now that Puerto Rico reggaeton sensation Raymond Ayala (aka Daddy Yankee) has endorsed McCain, the 72-year-old make believe ABBA fan, simply because -duh- they both seem to be very fond of La Gasolina.

So without further due, this blog is hereby endorsing the Marranito Ranchero, mostly because he truly embraces diversity:

“Me gustan las altas y las chaparritas, las flacas, las gordas y las chiquititas, solteras y viudas y divorciaditas; me encantan las chatas de caras bonitas…”


Tracking Rich Mexicans Via Satellite

Well, it seems European dogs are not the only ones being tracked via satellite. Rich Mexicans will now be able to be monitored –and hopefully rescued– in case of kidnapping, thanks to Xega, a Mexican security firm, which is implanting tiny radio transmitters under people’s skins and selling them like pancakes.

The chip is by no means cheap: They cost $4,000 plus an annual fee of $2,200, so this is clearly poised to be a very healthy business for its creators.

Still no news on how the Calderón government plans to deal with the alarming rate of kidnapping in Mexico, but hey at least he’s fostering the nation’s entrepreneurial spirit…(sigh.)

¡Sí se puede!

Puerto Rico Man Spends His Own Wake ‘Bien Parao’

“Para’o” (standing up) is how this Puerto Rican man, 24-year-old Angel Pantoja Medina, spent his own wake, which -mind you- lasted three days.

Dressed in a Yankees baseball cap and sunglasses, Pantoja was mourned by relatives while propped upright in his mother’s living room, reported the local press.

Pantoja’s mom and brother say they were only complying with the dead man’s last wish: to be upright for his own wake… and, presumably, dressed up like a reggaetonero.

Only in Puerto Rico.

Why Puebla is Bad for Traumatized Pachyderms

Here is a piece of advice: If you are growing old, suffer from depression, emotional distress and overall life has treated you badly… do not go to Puebla.

That is what a group of animal rights activists are trying to say in the saga surrounding Jenny, the “aging and emotionally troubled pachyderm,”  who is scheduled to travel to Mexico’s pathetic mini-version of the African jungle, the Africam Safari.

The debate goes on, but those worried about Jenny’s Mexican fate, should be worried sick about a potentially more dangerous, unforeseen event: Should Jenny were to follow the steps of thousands of Puebla residents, we will soon have her roaming the streets of New York City.

Now, that’s a jungle you want her to avoid.

Forget the Border Patrol. Watch the Fatty Burgers

I love the defenders of animal’s rights, mostly because while everybody is discussing a bunch of boring stuff, they’re putting their marketing minds at work. The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) this week presented an unusual marketing pitch to the U.S. government: Rent us space on the fence for billboards warning illegal border crossers there is more to fear than the Border Patrol.

The message -in English and Spanish- reads:

“If the Border Patrol Doesn’t Get You, the Chicken and Burgers Will — Go Vegan.”

Why didn’t I ever look at it this way? This is the perfect pitch, on the perfect spot, and right on target: Why risk your life to come here, the cradle of the McSkillet, and leave behind a healthy life of tortillas, beans, rice, tomatillo and cilantro? It just doesn’t make sense!

And while we’re on the subject of vegan stuff, I may add something about avoiding polleros, but I guess they already thought of that.

Desmond Tutu Wants you to Read All About Obama’s Faith… En Español

The supposedly provocative book about Obama’s true religious upbringing is now available for all my hermanos en español. The Spanish-language translation comes courtesy of Grupo Nelson, which has also brought us several bible-related books and even a CD/DVD biography of Julissa.

In case you were wondering, the book’s point in Spanish is -not surprisingly- the exact same as its English-language counterpart: Barack Obama is NOT a Muslim (despite all you’ve heard and seen on Fox News.)

Oh, and it is endorsed by Archbishop Desmond Tutu, who tampoco is a Muslim.