Cinco de Mayo: America’s Stupidest Holiday Is Almost Here!

Americans: How can anyone not like them?
Americans: How can anyone not like them?

Awwww, Cinco de Mayo.

No matter how many bizarre holidays Americans come up with, Cinco de Mayo will forever be my favorite one. And not only because it’s an excuse to drink all day and yell ¡Viva México! while thinking it’s our celebration of Independence (it’s not.) But it is also the time of year that brings out the stupidest most creative marketing brains to sell Americans everything, from DIY printable fiesta kits and taquito shooters (whatever that is,) to senseless drink mixes, “ethnic food” and even life-size cardboard Mexicans as scene setters.

This time around, though, in honor of that amazing marketing took known as Twitter, I’ve put together a few tweets making their way to my timeline.

NOTE: We’re still a full week away from the actual fiesta and this list will be updated in the following days, but let’s get to it right away, shall we? 

1. This mariachi-themed pitch from BelVita

2. How about some taquito shooters?

3. Old El Paso’s Suspicious-Looking ‘Tacos’

4. Go ahead, print your own fiesta kit

The craziness is such, that even Whole Foods London is jumping on the Cinco de Mayo wagon:

5. Wait, what? Whole Foods London?

6. Or… Sombrero Cinco de Mayo Cookies

7. José Olé Cinco Savings Coming Soon

8. Taco Bell, of course

Last but not least, the King of Ruining Mexican Food, Taco Bell, has already announced plans to introduce a new hot sauce on Cinco de Mayo called Diablo. The sauce, says Taco Bell, will only be available for a limited time and it’s made with a variety of peppers, including ají panca, chipotle and chili. Here it is, in all its GIF glory.

 

I don’t know about you, but at this point in my life, the only Cinco de Mayo thing worth watching is this one.

 

Hey, Gringo, Get Ready to Print your Own Cinco de Mayo Kit!

Let's print some guacamole containers, shall we?
Let’s print some guacamole containers, shall we?

Cinco de Mayo (aka this blogger’s favorite faux holiday) is just around the corner, and this year — with the explosion of Twitter, Snapchat, Periscope, Instagram and the like — the marketing furor promises to be crazier than ever before. Muy loco, indeed!

Stay tuned for this blog’s full “coverage” of this year’s non-Mexican holiday. In the meantime, take a look at this kit offered by Paper & Cake and start printing your own fiesta kit.

¡Ajúa!

Ayotzinapa in New York III: Dozens Became Hundreds

Tiny boy has huge demand
Tiny boy has huge demand

April 26 marked the seventh month since the disappearance of 43 students in Ayotzinapa, Guerrero, Mexico. And while the Mexican government has declared the investigation as “case closed,” Mexicans around the world continue to demand one thing: Vivos se los llevaron, vivos los queremos (They were taken alive; we want them back alive.)

Mexicans and non-Mexicans in New Yorker gathered today to pay homage to the 43, and we were lucky enough to be joined by six of the many parents who were left childless from this state-sanctioned murder.

I was there Sunday as people gathered in New York City’s iconic Washington Square Park before walking all the way up to the U.N. Building. I’ve been to all the Ayotzinapa events before in the city and this was — by far — the one that attracted the most people (around 500 by police estimates.)

I took some photos and wanted to share with y’all here:

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It’s a Bird… It’s a Plane… It’s Superman… It’s a Taco!

Never underestimate the power of American engineering
Never underestimate the power of American engineering

Remember the MexiCannon?

Well, that is nothing compared to what American engineers have come up with now.

Meet the Taco Cannon.

According to a report on KETV7 Omaha (which apparently is a real city) the University of Nebraska-Omaha Mavericks will soon introduce a taco cannon to ‘spice up’ their games. The contraption (which I bet is Made in China) is supposed to shoot tacos — or what people in Nebraska think are tacos — out in the air for spectators to enjoy. But, as a local journalist very cleverly asks: “How can tacos become something you can shoot out from a cannon?”

Well, Taco Cannon enthusiasts/sponsors have the answer:  “I wouldn’t say [the taco] will be restaurant quality once it gets to them, but it’s edible.” 

I don’t know about you but I am not looking forward to being hit in the head –not even by a bad taco. But the Omaha taco chain which is sponsoring the thing seems to be pretty excited.

 

 

Armed with a Good Pair of ‘Cojones,’ Jorge Ramos Asks Enrique Peña Nieto to Resign

RRamos

I know this video has been going around for several days now, and that many of you have already seen it, tweeted it, instagramed it, facebooked it, etc.

Still, this blog had to make sure this footage also lives here, not only for ‘posterity’ but as a daily reminder of what should be the duty of many of us: Make corrupt politicians accountable for their [disgusting] actions or, as Jorge Ramos contends, demand their resignation when necessary, which – of course – applies to this case. Absolutely.

At some point during this five-minute or so speech at a TIME Magazine gala honoring the Univision anchor he says:

In any other country, with a little bit of rule of law, the president would have been forced to resign. Guess what?

Wanna know “guess what?”….

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE ENTIRE VIDEO … I promise you, its almost as interesting as watching Jorge Ramos in Tanga.

Leave your comments below.

Empire State Building Goes Red to Honor Hispanics [Sort of]

See the red? It's a Telemundo thing!
See the red? It’s a Telemundo thing!

If you still don’t believe me when I say Spanish-speakers rule New York, you might want to keep an eye on the Empire State building this coming Sunday, April 26, when it is set to go totally red in celebration of Telemundo 47 New York’s 50 year anniversary. Yes, and it’s not a joke, my friends.

Per a press release quoting the great Cristina Schwarz (a personal friend, mind you)…

“On the evening of Sunday, April 26, viewers from all across the New York Tri-State area will be able to look up to the beacon of our skyline as it beams in red, in honor of our station’s past and the promise of our future as we reaffirm our commitment to be the first informers our communities demand and deserve.”

I don’t know you, but as a proud Hispanic, I’ll be anxiously waiting for the red lights to go up and then tune in my TV set to … Mad Men.*

*It’s nothing against Telemundo, really. I just need to know what’s going to happen with Don Draper’s sombrero,

When it Comes to New Citizens, the U.S. is Clearly not Looking for the ‘Best and Brightest’

citizens

Every now and then I toy with the idea of becoming a U.S. citizen, but as it has been the case, I always end up leaving the project in my special To do, but won’t do list.

Still, I often test myself using apps and online citizenship tests, mostly because they remind me that — should I ever take this thing seriously — it won’t be as hard as I’ve always feared. In fact, it’s one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever come across.

Are you scared of the citizenship test? Fear no more. Here’s what’s in store for you. Relax! have a margarita (or two) and just go follow your [primary school] instincts.

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What’s this Blogger Supposed to Do without Don Francisco?

October, 2012. Queens, New York
October, 2012. Queens, New York

What???!!!

After 53 years on the air, Univision today confirmed that Sábado Gigante, that weekly extravaganza featuring humor, music, contests and many, many scantily-clad Latinas will end its current cycle on Sept. 19, 2015, to coincide with the end of the 2014-2015 broadcast television season.

You know what this means right? This means no more Miss Colita or Miss Mamacita beauty pageants (i.e. no more fun for this blogger.)

Sniff, sniff

In all seriousness, he’s going to be missed, para bien o para mal. I also wrote this for when he was awarded to  Lifetime EMMY achievement.

Marco Rubio Wants to be President; Wife Was Cheerleader. Go, Dolphins!

Screen Shot 2015-04-13 at 11.02.24 PM

I love the Internet, especially when a simple Google search gives you back some awesome information about “important” Hispanics and –in this particular case– Hispanics running for the U.S. Presidency, a field that is starting to look pretty crowded already.

Take Republican senator, scary, anti-gay, anti-immigrant former mormon Marco Rubio, who announced his presidential bid Monday, framing the election as a “generational choice” for Americans from none other than Miami’s Freedom Tower, a “Cuban American emblem,” better known for its sheltering Cuban refugees and NOT for selling Freedom Fries.

Pretty hot Latinas
Pretty hot Latinas

I’m not sure about Rubio’s “generational choice,” but I find it pretty weird amazing that his wife, Jeanette Dousdebes, and sister were once cheerleaders for the Miami Dolphins. I mean, that’s what Capitalism is all about, right?

Go, Dolphins!