Yahoo!Telemundo Doesn’t Think I’m Hot Enough

Remember how pissed I was when People en Español didn’t pick me as one of its 100 Most Influential Latinos?

Well, this time it was Yahoo!Telemundo’s turn to dash my hopes. Today, the Spanish-language joint effort by Yahoo and Telemundo announced the launch of El Crossover, its first ever English-language section, which includes all sorts of stuff, including a list of the nation’s 25 Hottest Latinas. And, once again, I am nowhere to be found.

Oh well. I’m sure if the list had been expanded to the top 50, I might have found my way in. Or maybe not.

Perhaps I’ll have a better chance on the Top 10 Latinas Who Are Seriously Pissed About not Being Profiled as Top Anything. Anywhere list.

Wondering Where I am?

OK, Ok… I am NOT the chic in the picture, nor could I ever sport such a figure (especially not after gulping down my Latino-themed mango yogurt and not eating enough tomatillos.) But if you look past Miss Guatemala here, you might be able to see a volcano and Lake (Atitlán), where I’ll be spending the next few weeks days.

Ah… the wonders of freelancing!

So don’t expect too much update on this blog. In addition, who knows if they have Internet down there. (Sorry, that was my superiority complex stupidity talking.)

But if you get bored and don’t feel like contemplating this Guatemalan passage forever, you can always visit my archives, and keep raising hell with the Absolut hate-mongers.

I’ll be back when my quetzales run out, which will be like, whenever, who knows?

My Latino-Themed Yogurt Tasted Only Like Fruit

Driving back from Poughkeepsie the other day (no, I didn’t go there looking for the now infamous Sex & The City pudding) I stopped by at a road store, where I spotted this Latino-themed delicacy.

Intrigued, I bought it immediately, hoping to find myself savoring the very taste of my Latin roots while being transported to some isla bonita dancing to the tune of some local locos…

Alas, this thing tasted only like mango. And now I find myself struggling to burn the 170 calories, 15 calories from fat and 33 grams of sugar my Latino-yogurt experience. Perhaps, Dr. Manny’s Latin diet can help this time. We’ll see.

Grab your Sombreros! We’re Off to Beijing

What’s the point of bitching about stereotypes when everybody knows that the first thing a Mexican athlete packs before going to the Olympics is a sombrero?

Yes, my friends. This is the official garb of the 81 athletes who will represent Mexico in the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing, and who this morning heard a clear warning from Felipe Muñoz, the President of the Mexican Olympic Committee:

“This is a great responsibility. All the country will be observant of what you do. You must be careful with what you say, we have to think twice what we say, what we do,” cautioned Mr. Muñoz.

What he did not tell them, though, was NOT to wear their sombrero while riding horses, playing football, doing aquatics, archery or kayaking.

Damn it! That’s precisely why we never win anything at the Olympics. Ever.

Beware of Geeky-Looking Latino Kids

And speaking of risky behavior and Hispanic teens, the Office of National Drug Control Policy’s National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign, has just launched a series of Spanish-language PSA’s targeting parents and urging them to talk to their kids about the dangers of marihuana.

Some of the ads, executed by The Vox Collective, are pretty cool in that they challenge the notion, and stereotype, of a conventional drug dealer. Take the above print ad, in which a geeky-looking boy tells parents what they do not want to hear about prom night: “Last night I offered some marihuana to your daughter.”

Well, at least he’s not talking about the four or more partners doing you-know-what.

Hispanics Give Teens a Very, Very Bad Name

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention this week reported that risky behavior among teenagers continues to decline, with fewer adolescents drinking, smoking or having sex in 2007 than their peers did in 1991. Yupi!

But don’t rush -yet- to hug your Latino teener and reward him with an extra helping of rice & beans. In fact, our adolescents are not part of the joyful statistic.

“Hispanics are at greater risk than blacks and whites for certain unsafe behaviors,” said the CDC. And it adds: Not only they are consuming more alcohol and drugs, but they are more likely to have intercourse “with four or more partners than blacks and whites.”

Like my abuela used to say: ¡Niños, pórtense bien!

Wanna Cheap Gas? Tijuana Is Where It’s At

Not long ago, we learned that many Americans were flocking to Mexico in search of cheap dental treatment. Well, now they’re at it again -this time looking for cheap fuel.

Bob Hansen, a reporter with the local NBC affiliate in San Diego, traveled to Tijuana to find out just how much money he could save in gas down there.

The answer? mucho dinero!

“Hansen filled up on regular last week for $2.75 a gallon. Truckers buying diesel where he stopped paid only $2.10,” according to NBC.

I wonder if -given the considerable savings attained- he made a technical stop to pick up some muchachas, cerveza and maybe even some dental work.

Where Are the Mexicans When You Need Them?

I am sure you are all too busy savoring Clinton’s victory in Puerto Rico (or at least her dancing) to know this, but a group of Muslim workers claim they were fired by a New Brighton, Minneapolis tortilla factory for refusing to wear uniforms rather than their traditional clothing. The women are filing a religious discrimination complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

Commenting on such news, immigrant basher radio commentator Neal Boortz had only one thing to say:

“Muslims, making tortillas? You know, this world is really screwed up when Muslims are making our tortillas, folks. I mean, with all of the illegal Mexicans in this country, we can’t find some Mexicans to make those tortillas?”

Perhaps they were all sleeping under a cactus or gulping down some mezcal. You never know with these people…