Being Hispanic in America Used to Be Challenging; Now It’s Outright Dangerous 😱

I’m not going to lie: These days –after many, many years living on this side of the border– I’ve become increasingly uneasy about doing things that I normally would do in public: Speak Spanish, wear hoop earrings, say outloud I’m Mexican a mucha honra, etc. etc.

The reason? As I keep saying on Twitter, being a minority in America used to be difficult, yes, but now it’s just plain dangerous.

Barely days after an anti-Mexican nutcase shot dozens of people in a Walmart in El Paso, Texas, many of them fatally, another member of the “I Am a White Dude Who Hates Hispanics” clan was arrested after making a series of social media threats against Hispanics in the Miami area.

According to multiple press reports, Eric Lin, a Maryland native, sent a bunch of threatening messages on Facebook professing his nazi beliefs, and vowing to exterminate the entire “Latin Race” [sic] which he also referred to as “rabid dogs.”

Unsurprisingly, Mr. Lin then went on to praise the “great president” of this nation, who as we all know kicked off his presidential campaign by calling us criminals, drug-dealers and rapists.

Coincidence? Ummmmmm….

Trump, Still Strong Among Grammatically-Challenged Latinos

While president Donald Trump claims that his crusade for more border security and the construction of a southern border wall have made his popularity rise among Hispanics, pollsters consulted by Politico and other media outlets have put those numbers into question. Not only that, a closer look to recent polls show holes in the methodology and show that Hispanic support for the president is not really on the rise.

Percentages and polls aside, Latinos and Latinas (or as some like to say “Latinx”) who still support the president would be well-advised to proofread their Spanish-language messages.

Via: @stonecold2050

Last time I checked, the correct Spanish translation of Latinos for Trump was Latinos por Trump and not Latinos PARA Trump” as some will have you believe. But I guess they don’t really care, do they? Heck, they even have their own t-shirts!

Bill de Blassio Has no Idea What Condón Means in Spanish

Ever since he announced he’s running for president in 2020, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has been using a very special hashtag in the hopes it will go viral. Nothing wrong with tapping on the power of social media to get traction, except that the hashtag in question is –wait for it– #ConDon.

Not only he has posed alongside supporters holding a #ConDon sign, but he’s even sending out very special mailers (below) asking Americans to contribute and support his campaign. Apparently, De Blasio’s #ConDon thing has something to do with Donald Trump, but I will never know because every time I read #ConDon, I cannot help but think about these things.

One thing, though, Mr. De Blasio: If you’re going to advocate for people wearing preservatives… use an accent over the “o” will ya?

Photo via: Juan Manuel Benitez

Brace Yourselves: The Gentrification of Veladoras Is Here

Prayer candles, better known among my people (i.e. The Hispanics) as veladoras, are making a splash among the avocado-loving millennial, non-Latin, non-religious crowd pushing their prices so high that you will wanna start praying for a raise.

According to this Vox.com article, a prayer candle featuring the likes of Elizabeth Warren, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez or Jonathan Van Ness (because they all kind of are in the same  business) can cost up to $12, compared to a regular prayer candle, which you’ll find pretty much anywhere in the USA for $2 –or for very few pesitos in any Latin American street market.

University professors and religious studies experts claim this is yet another sign of the decline of religious affiliation of Americans and some even go as far as to call these colorful candles “blasphemous” and a “direct threat to the Catholic faith.”

I don’t know much about that, but consider yourselves warned: The gentrification of veladoras is here to stay.

Via: Vox.com

You Guys! Joe Biden Also Wants to be Our Tío

Tío Joe seen here with this blogger’s favorite retro-acculturated Latina.

Joe Biden doesn’t want you to know this –yet– but he’s about to drop a Spanish-language ad to try to convince my people (i.e. The Hispanics) that he’s an awesome choice for a 2020 democratic president.

Details of the ad were leaked thanks to the very chismoso nature of said people (The Hispanics) who decided to ignore an NDA signed with the Biden campaign and posted behind-the-scenes photos on social media anyway.

Per Politico.com:

The Saturday film shoot was a hushed affair — paid local actors signed nondisclosure agreements promising not to discuss the job. But some posted images on social media of the Fort Lauderdale commercial anyway, prompting a flurry of emails warning of legal exposure and requesting that those involved delete any images of the shoot and not talk to the media about it.

But that’s not even the best part about this whole thing. According to the same report, a member of the cast (presumably a Spanish-dominant Latina) was finding it hard to pronounce Biden’s name, so the crew came up with a workaround by having her call the former Vice President simply as “Tío Joe,” because –at least according to Americans– Latinos are always in need of additional tío material to spice up our bautizos, bodas, quinceañeras, piñata parties, BBQs and the like.

Sorry, Tío Bernie, it looks like there will be a new tío in town!

Via: Político.com

See? Even Beto O’Rourke Knows America is not a Country

Former Texas congressman Robert “Beto” O’Rourke this week officially launched his presidential campaign Website but despite touting the slogan Beto for America that he uses for his English-language page, he decided to go for a combination of Beto para Estados Unidos and Beto para todos (Beto for Everyone) in the Spanish-language one.

And the reason for this, my friends, is simple: As I’ve been saying, like, forever, America, my friends, is not a country –at least not when you speak Spanish.

So, this is all great señor Beto, now … Where are the free donas?

 

GOP Congresswoman Eats Pozole Pizza and I Can’t Even…

GOP Congresswoman Debbie Lesko, from Arizona, took to Twitter to show off her very own Arizona Pozole Pizza, a weird concoction made specially for her by the local D.C. Pizzeria Paradiso.

Filing this under ‘guácatelas’

The stunt was part of  Pizzeria Paradiso’s United States of Pizza: Women’s Slice of the Pie, a “rotating weekly menu of state-themed pies honoring and highlighting elected female officials per state,” –apparently because International’s Women Month and thus the pozole thing.

As if I needed one more reason to despise Republicans… (¡guácala!)

Via: The Eagle

Elizabeth Warren Launches Campaign Website in what she Believes is the Spanish Language

En realidad no estoy en, y he aquí por qué [yup, whatevs]
What’s with U.S. presidential candidates and sloppy Spanish?

Not to be outdone by Bernie Sanders’ donut-lorem-lorem “Spanish-language” Website thing, democratic contender Elizabeth Warren is also courting the so-called Hispanic vote with –what else?– sloppy Spanish!

Warren, who will be occasionally referred to by this blogger as “La Guarren” has spiced up her fundraising campaign Website with what she believes is copy in Spanish.

In addition to a phrase that makes no sense whatsoever (En realidad, no estoy en, y he aquí por qué,) la Guarren thinks “Cuestiones” is Spanish for Questions…. (oh an don’t get me started on the “los” vs. “las” disaster.)

I’m pretty sure that among the 50 plus million Hispanics that have “invaded” this great country, politicians can find at least one person who can properly write copy in Spanish (ahem, ahem.)

Get your act together, people, I’ll be watching!

Last but not least: This blog’s 2020 US Presidential Campaign and Hispandering tags are officially open. So yay!

Bernie Sanders’ Spanish-language Website Is Offering Free Donuts –I Think

Please tell me you get a free donought when you click that red button.

Remember when Bernie Sanders was “progresivo” in Spanish?

Well, looks like in this, his second run for the US presidency, Bernie is still determined to court the vote of my people (i.e. The Hispanics.)

This time around though, Bernie has launched a Spanish-language Website (well, sort of) asking for donations, which doesn’t really say much about anything, except that it features a huge red button with the word DONA which –as you can imagine– is giving this blogger hope for some free donuts.

I’m not clicking it yet, but I scrolled down a bit only to find a cryptic, two-word message: lorem, lorem, which I hope is code language for Universal Healthcare and Tax the Hell out of the Billionaires.

Is this code language for Universal Healthcare?

Go, Bernie Progresivo!