Your one-stop shop for all things Latin/Hispanic/Mexican
If you are remotely familiar with La Michoacana, and its über successful chain of ice cream parlors throughout Mexico, you’d understand why this is one of the most brilliant monikers, like, ever.
Photo: Laura Martínez. Chelsea, NYC. June 26 (Gay Pride)
Next time you want to blame God for your misfortunes, you might want to turn to undocumented immigrants instead. After all, that might be more convenient and will eventually make you feel better for not spitting all over God and stuff.
Ask Senator John McCain, of Arizona, who pretty much thinks undocumented immigrants should be blamed for the state’s wildfire crisis.
“We are concerned about, particularly areas down on the border, where there is substantial evidence that some of these fires were caused by people who have crossed our border illegally,” he said over the weekend. You don’t believe me? Just watch!
One thing I’ve always loved about Americans is their penchant for specialization.
Take a special unit at Newark Airport that is becoming so adept at racial profiling that they have come to be known as the “Mexican Hunters.”
According to the Daily Mail:
To be sure, these fellows are also stopping Dominicans, but hey, you cannot ask them to be that good at telling one Hispanic from another, can you?
Got a knack for preparing ‘sanwiches’? Wanna make $600 a week? No speak mucho English? No problem!
Hurry, muchachos! A Manhattan food entrepreneur is hiring… and want’s you badly.
[This blogger would apply if she could… alas, I am a muchacha, not a muchacho, but I’ll keep my eyes open.]
Photo: Laura Martínez
With all the talk about the gazillions of dollars The Governator (aka as The Fornicator) will have to pay for his imminent divorce, few people have paid attention on yet a more interesting debate going on behind the scenes of this Hispanic-Austrian-Californian telenovela (Californication?)
Turns out Arnold’s mistress Mildred Baena does not really like Hispanics.
In fact, she apparently goes around telling people that white people are better, and –judging from this undated picture– she thinks Santa Claus rules and the Reyes Magos suck.
Say what you will about Mrs. Baena, but at least she is consistent with her preferences. What better way to show you really, really hate U.S. Hispanics (i.e. yourself) than sleeping with Arnold Schwarzenegger?
That’s one consistent self-hating Latina!
If you were among the 22,000 chosen people to receive a green card through the process known as the U.S. visa lottery, you’d better put that bottle of champagne down. Due to a “computer glitch,” the results of a green card visa lottery on May 1 have been ruled invalid.
According to the U.S. State Department, a computer error meant that 90% of the winners had been selected from the first two days of applications rather than from the whole 30-day registration period. In a brief statement, U.S. officials simply said:
“We sincerely regret any inconvenience or disappointment this problem might have caused.”
Or, as Johnny Latino would have told his eternal game-show loser guest: ¡Láaaaastima, Margarito!
Are you planning on wondering about the U.S. with a sack full of tortilla dough? Be ready to spend some days in the slammer.
Take Antonio Hernandez, 45, who last week was arrested and charged with possession of 91 pounds of cocaine after police officers -alerted by a narcotics dog- took him to the Buncombe County Jail in North Carolina. Per the local news:
“Deputies said Carranza appeared intoxicated, though he was later deemed sober by a Breathalyzer test. They said a narcotics dog alerted officers to check Carranza’s baggage, and multiple narcotics field tests determined that the substances were cocaine.”
Hernández actual cargo? Tortilla dough, cooking flour and shrimp.
Gee, officers? Can’t you tell the difference between one thing and the other? I’m going to have to get you passes for a free visit to your nearest Maseca plant. Stay tuned.
President Barack Obama is smart enough to know that it takes more than eating a burrito and posing next to some Mariachi-clad dude to court U.S. Hispanics. That is why, POTUS this week lured a bunch of “influencial” Hispanics to the White House, including retro-acculturated food-entrepreneur Eva Longoria and radio personality -and former “undocumented Mexican” Eddie “Piolin” Sotelo.
As always, I appreciate the effort, but Mr. Obama should add this blogger to his list next time if he really wants to effect change.
I might not have Longoria’s artistic qualities has, but I have rubbed elbows with the British monarchy.
Here is the official photo of the event. See how many ‘influential Hispanics’ you can recognize.
Photo: WhiteHouse.gov
You can love or hate Univision; but one thing is certain: The message the network wants to send out to the world has changed radically from the years of Perenchio and his lieutenants, when talking about an English-speaking Latino was almost cause for termination of employment.
The Census might not bring about a revolution but someone at the 800-pound-gorilla has realized it is no longer Spanish only. Novelas only. Tamales only. When you have a population of 50.4 million people, you cannot assume everybody eats tamales or watches Univision’s nightly telenovelas. [I for one have very little tolerance for both.]
Now, Univision will have to work hard to change some of its programming to better reflect this so-called New America.
I’m just sayin’….
It took a bit longer than many would have liked, but California is (almost) back to being Mexican. This week the U.S. Census confirmed Hispanics are about to overtake whites as the largest minority in California. So this blogger is suggesting a slight change of name for the state: How ’bout Mexifornia?
Burrito-loving Americans should be up in arms: Chipotle Mexican Grill, which owns and operates nearly 1,100 outlets across the U.S., has been forced to let go of hundreds of workers amid an immigration probe that has spread to other states. According to the Wall Street Journal:
“Hundreds of workers were dismissed in Minnesota, where Chipotle has about 50 restaurants and employs about 1,200 people, after the company received notices of ‘suspect documents’ for them from ICE.”
I don’t know you but I fear for the “integrity” of my meal. If not a Mexican, who is going to be rolling my burritos from now on? a Puerto Rican? a Texan? No, señor!
Don’t believe everything you hear about the U.S. not wanting any more Mexicans. In fact, the U.S. government has just put in place a system to offer Mexicans -and other international travelers- a hassle-free entry into the U.S. Say what?
Aptly named Global Entry, the program allows international travelers (Mexicans included, of course) to use electronic kiosks at 20 U.S. airports to bypass the long passport processing lines. According to Global Entry’s Web site:
Though intended for frequent international travelers, there is no minimum number of trips necessary to qualify for the program. Participants may enter the United States by using automated kiosks located at select airports.
Alas, it looks like only a small portion of my paisanos will be able to enjoy the program, as it applies exclusively to travelers with a valid passport and U.S. visa.
Oh, and did I mention it costs $100? I guess membership does has its privileges!
I have found yet another reason why a school will never hire me to teach anything…. anywhere.
According to the AP, Carlos Garcia, a New York City high-school teacher, has been suspended and fined with $15,000 for what school officials say was “misconduct for using it in his Manhattan classroom,” in other words, for saying the word “coño” out loud.
If uttering a word such as “coño” is considered “misconduct” in a classroom, this blogger has absolutely no future in the field of education. So without further ado, I am withdrawing my candidacy to assist Ms. Catherine P. Black in her new gig as NYC School Czar, even though she looks to be as clueless to handle the task as I am.
¡Coño!
No matter how many superheroes join the anti-immigrant cause, we (i.e. fearless Latinos) can always count on a new muchacha in town, who will kick the ass of immigrant haters… should that be necessary.
Meet the new Spider Girl -aka Anya Corazón- a 16-year-old high-school student of Latino descent who lives in -where else?- Gotham.
According to creators, Marvel Comics, Anya Corazón provides “a positive, modern image of an empowered young woman.” But I like to think of her more like a tough señorita, who will use her superpowers to take on your Seagals and your Ferrignos.
And wait until she hooks up with this guy: There’s going to be a lot of Paf! Pum! Zas!
Next time your car breaks down in a Latino neighborhood, all you have to do is call the folks at Jimmy John’s. Not only they will deliver your sandwich right on the spot, but they will make sure to send a squeaky-clean white boy for your safety.
Hat tip: P. Aristoy
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