Mexican Singers, Russian Hackers, Same Difference, Says Texas Congressman Mike Conaway

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In the latest episode of the political joke we’re now living, Rep. Mike Conaway from Texas just told The Dallas Morning News (apparently with a straight face) that the Democrats using Mexican singers, charros, mariachis and soap operas to lure Hispanics to the Hillary Clinton campaign is pretty much the same thing as the Russian hacking scandal.

Per Conaway himself:

“Harry Reid and the Democrats brought in Mexican soap opera stars, singers and entertainers who had immense influence in those communities into Las Vegas, to entertain, get out the vote and so forth.”

And this, says Conaway, should be considered “foreign influence […] If we’re worried about foreign influence, let’s have the whole story.”

Really? Last I checked, many of those colorful people seen singing on stage or hosting taco-filled fiestas for Hillary were actually U.S.-born or U.S. citizens (Los Tigres del Norte, Julieta Venegas, Vicente Fernández, etc.) but anyway, they were not sneaking behind the Web to hack an election were they.

Come on! ¡Pinche Conagüey!

Via: Dallas Morning News

Fidel Castro Is Dead, Because 2016

On November 25, 2016, at around 10:00 PM local time, Raúl Castro confirmed the dead of Fidel Castro, the Cuban revolutionary who was the nemesis of 11 U.S. presidents. He was 90.

This blogger has yet to process this information, and it won’t be easy, mostly because 2016 has been hitting us with one calamity after another. PLUS… I’m still trying to recover from a week-long tacos/tamales smörgåsbord in Mexico City.

My whole family is in mourning mood right now, though I had to remind them the worst is yet to come… Hello, Jan. 20, 2017!

Can 2016 please take us all and get this thing over with?

RIP FIDEL

Alicia Machado Moves On: Launches Male Fragrance, Develops Extra Limbs, Writes Book

What's with the extra arm? Anybody?
What’s with the extra arm? Anybody?

Former Miss Universe Alicia Machado, who this year jumped to non-Hispanic fame after confessing to having being called horrible things like Miss Piggy and Miss Housekeeping by Horrible-Person Donald Trump (HPDT), is apparently moving on.

The Venezuela native this week took to Twitter to promote her new fragrance, aptly named “Malicia” (get it?) and to inform the world that she’ll be writing a book about … yes, you guessed it! HPDT.

Anyhow, I’m all up for people moving on and get past this sombre, horrible, sad period, but can somebody please explain the third arm?

This blogger is still VERY depressed, so please, go on, amuse me….

Hillary Clinton Does ‘El Gordo y la Flaca,’ Because You Gotta do What you Gotta Do

hillary

Hillary Clinton made Hispanic History (i.e. Hispandering) on Tuesday, Oct. 25, 2016 by showing up at Univision’s long-running El Gordo y la Flaca; declaring Mexican food is her favorite and even getting up to dance salsa with the crew.

Alas, she did not take her clothes off to join The Fat One in his famous jacuzzi. Now THAT would have been entertaining…

Now I’m dead.

DEVELOPING: This blog post will be updated as soon as this recovers from shock (which will likely occur until after Happy Hour)

Via: Univision.com

Everything is Better in Spanish, Including ‘Orange Is the New Black’ [Feat. Soraya Montenegro]

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The rumors were true — and the wait is over.

Soraya Montenegro, the evil stepmother of Mexican telenovela María la del Barrio, has finally ended up where she belongs: In prison.

More specifically, Litchfield Penitentiary.

¡Sí, señor! Montenegro (played many years ago by the great Itatí Cantoral) is the star of a new Netflix campaign to promote the fourth season of Orange Is the New Black in Latin America.

Naranja
Spanish is the New Black

So far so good, but Netflix would be well advised to extend a big GRACIAS to Cristian Vazquez, an 18-year-old from Danbury, Connecticut, who is credited with catapulting Soraya to viral fame by posting screenshots and videos of her on his Tumblr page.

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“I first saw a picture with the same caption of another actress, Victoria Ruffo, and then thought it would be funny to do the same,” Vazquez told the Daily Dot. “After posting the first photo of Soraya Crying in Spanish it became very popular because of a video of her acting in the telenovela Maria La Del Barrio, in which she, the villain, tries to kill three people. The majority of the people on Tumblr have never seen a telenovela and are not familiar with the exaggerated acting style, and so they found it hilarious.”

Yes, Soraya is awesome and Netflix’ promo video is hilarious. Watch it below but — more importantly — don’t forget to thank Cristian Vazquez.

 

Argentine Sports Channel Puts Trump’s Insults to Good Use

promomessi

Argentina’s TyC Sports channel is using extracts from Trump’s infamous “wall” speech to propose a wall in hopes to stop Argentina’s national team from coming to this year’s Copa América.

“These are total killers,” says Trump, as the video shows Ángel Di María lashing the ball into the the net. “These are not the nice, sweet little people that you think,” Trump continues. “We need to build a wall, and we need to build it fast!”

Watch the spot below, and leave your comments… (Oh, and try to be nice to Argentina.)

Via: CNET en Español

Salma Hayek to Star as a Lesbian Taco in Upcoming Movie, Because Hollywood

sausage

Hold on to your sombreros!

If you thought Hollywood was running out of awesome ideas, think again. Coming this summer to a movie theatre near you is The Sausage Party, an “adult animated film with talking food,” starring Seth Rogen as Frank, a sausage who lives in a supermarket waiting to be chosen. Yep.

But because American supermarkets — and dinner tables — would be nothing without my people (i.e. Flaming Hot Mexicans,) The Sausage Party also stars Mexican bombshell Salma Hayek who will play the role of — what else? — a Lesbian taco. (Don’t ask.)

It’s a pity no more Mexicans have been cast, since I would have enjoyed a kitchen scene of horny jumping beans. But maybe that’s in store for the 2017 sequel: The Chorizo Fiesta

Anyhow, here’s a trailer of this thing, alas, sans lesbian tacos:

Hat tip: London correspondent 

Tostitos Telenovela Features Catalina Creel, and Lots of Shirtlessness

¡Doble-dippeaste! ¡Sí, lo hiciste!
Clap, clap, clap
Tostitos, the brand that gave us a noseless Sevillana pitching spicy salsa, is back with a [Latin] vengeance; this time with Botanas del cielo, a :60 telenovela that incorporates its new products into a hilarious, over-the-top plotline.

Among this blogger’s favorite: An English-speaking version of eye-patched villain Catalina Creel, accusing her (always shirtless) son Enrique of double-dipping in the brand’s new Chunky Habanero Salsa. “¡Doble-dippeaste!” 

This thing is so hilarious that I’m sort of forgiving Tostitos for their past transgressions.

The series and a trailer are featured on Tostitos.com and the brand’s YouTube channel.

Canelo Álvarez to Help Tecate ‘Amplify Modern Masculinity’

Canelo

Tecate has launched its first national campaign in the U.S. featuring none other than Mexican boxing superstar Saúl “El Canelo” Álvarez. In a 30-second-spot, we see Mr. Álvarez being hailed — and carried (literally) — as some kind of King of bling bling only to jump on the ring like a champ and remind us that “he is always bold but never flashy.”

According to Adweek, Tecate’s Born Bold campaign is an effort to further “amplify modern masculinity” (whatever that means) among Hispanics and non-Hispanics alike.

“The primary target is still the Hispanic consumer,” brand director Belen Pamukoff told Adweek. “But as a secondary target, we have the general market.”

A second TV spot features a veteran referee losing his patience for one player’s attempt to draw a foul call against his opponent finally drawing the dreaded red card, something I believe is also an effort to “amplify modern masculinity.”

Anyhow, here goes.

Please watch and let me know: Did the spot help amplify your modern masculinity?

¡Ándale, Ándale! Speedy Gonzales Preps for Hollywood Debut

Speedy-Gonzales

If everything goes according to plan, my childhood hero will soon be the star of his own animated feature film.

According to Deadline.com, Warner Bros. is already working on a Speedy Gonzales movie with producers Dylan Sellers and Mexican comedian Eugenio Derbez, who will be charged with voicing the ultrafast, sombrero-wearing little mouse.

Details are still sketchy, but news of a Speedy Gonzales feature film come at a very convenient time for Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton, who has found inspiration in this witty mouse to try to get my people (i.e. The Hispanics) vote for her.

¡Ándale, ándale! ¡Arriba, arriba!

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In Light of Current Political Climate, Telemundo Hires Don Francisco as Senior News Correspondent

DonF

I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

Almost one year after announcing his departure from Univision, the septuagenarian TV host Mario Kreutzberger, aka Don Francisco, is making a comeback to Hispanic media. Oh, and it’s quite the comeback.

Telemundo on Tuesday announced it signed a multi-year agreement with Don Francisco, which includes “the creation of a joint production company to develop and produce original content and formats for Hispanics in the United States and audiences around the world, across multiple platforms.” But, perhaps more importantly, Telemundo says, Kreutzberger will bring his expertise to Telemundo Network News as a special senior news correspondent.

Come to think of it, this is actually quite perfect, given the circus that the current political campaign has become.

I can only hope El Chacal de la Trompeta will come back too and put the presidential candidates in place when they would just Not. Shut. The. Hell. Up.

To be continued…

POTUS, FLOTUS and MOTUS Pay Tribute to Don Francisco

ObamaDonFrancicso

Saturday, September 19, 2015 marked the last show ever for Sábado Gigante, the world’s longest running television variety series in history.

As part of the emotional farewell Saturday night, Barack Obama (aka POTUS) and wife Michelle (aka FLOTUS) came on board to wish Don Francisco all the best, saying he will be missed.

Not to be outdone, this blogger (also known as a Mexican of the United States or MOTUS,  would like to join FLOTUS and POTUS in wishing Mario all the best.

Seriously, what’s this blogger to do without you?