Category: Mexico

Having Solved Mexico’s Most Pressing Issues, Peña Nieto Moves on to Protect Marine Wildlife

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Enrique Peña Nieto mesmerized by the ‘vaquita marina’ as Leonardo DiCaprio looks on

Mexico might be on the brink of social unrest and political disaster — and it’s clear we will never know what happened to the 43 of Ayotzinapa — but our nation’s Commander in Chief has set his sights on one important cause: To protect the vaquita marina, the “world’s rarest marine mammal” with the aid of two unusual partners, Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim and Oscar-winning actor Leonardo DiCaprio.

And why is this important, may you ask?

Per the local media:

Vaquita porpoises – the smallest of six extant porpoise species, can become entrapped in the nets and subsequently die, which has led to a sharp decline in their numbers.

Yeah, they seem to be vanishing, just like students from marginalized rural colleges around Mexico. SAD!

At this point I’m not sure which one of my “two countries” I’m most ashamed of.

Via: Mexico Daily News

Texas Protesters to Rep. Matt Rinaldi: ‘No Guacamole for You!’

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Take that, Rinaldi!

Hispanics might have found the perfect way to make politicians think twice before taking away their rights and/or implement some BS anti-immigration legislation: Cut down their salsa *and* guacamole supply.

That was in full display earlier this week in Austin, when dozens of Hispanics protested outside state Rep. Matt Rinaldi’s office after he threatened to “put a bullet in one of his colleague’s head” during a scuffle over SB 4, the state’s new anti-“sanctuary cities” law.

But that was not all. According to several press reports, Rinaldi also told Texas democrats in the House that he had called ICE officials on Hispanic activists and wanted them all deported and stuff.

This, of course, didn’t sit well with my people, who retaliated with the most powerful tool at their disposal: By pledging to cut down the supply of salsa, guacamole and other delicious “Hispanic goods” to offending legislators.

So… U.S. politicians have been properly warned: They’d better think twice before messing with Latinos. It’ll be, like, No salsa, No Guacamole for YOU!

Hat tip: Melissa Salas Blair

Who Needs Banks When you Can Have Tacos Instead?

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El Rancho, formerly NY Capital Bank, East Tremont and Park.

If there was any doubt that Mexicans have taken over the USA, take a walk on the wild side… of The Bronx; more especifically, around Webster Avenue, one of the borough’s longest throughfares, and you’ll come across El Rancho, formerly NY Capital Bank, and now home of some of the most delish Mexican food in the area.

Because, really, who needs walls — and/or banks — when you can have tacos?

Photo: Laura Martínez, Bronx, NYC

Donald Trump Failed to Gather Enough Votes at this Week’s ‘Burro’ Competition in Mexico

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Nobody wanted to vote for poor Donald

Despite the hype — and much anticipation — Donald Trump proved to be a real disappointment this week in Mexico.

And no, I’m not talking about the dimwit who sits in the Oval Office, but of another kind of burro: an adorable donkey who failed to even make it to the finals at the Annual Festival del Burro in Otumba, Mexico.

According to my always reliable sources (i.e. the Internet,) Donald Trump was the most hated among the 50 donkeys that took place in the bizarre competition. The reason?

The discomfort towards what Donald Trump represents caused that many attendees to the fair did not even want to vote for him […]

Well, I guess you can say anything about those pesky Mexicans, but they seem to know better when it comes to cast their vote.

Via: Diario 24 Horas

 

Meet the Unicorn Taco: It Hails from Tijuana, and Proves the End of the World Is Near

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Move over, Unicorn Frapuccino.

My people (i.e. The Mexicans) have concocted the “Gobernador Unicornio Taco,” which can be prepared with shrimp or marlin and can be yours for only a few pesitos at La Cahua del Yeyo, a local seafood restaurant in — where else? — Tijuana.

Now you know.

Let’s all go hang ourselves –or something.

Via: SanDiegoRed.com

 

Ted Cruz Wants ‘El Chapo’ to Pay for Trump’s Border Wall with his Many, Many Chapo Monies

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I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

The big news this week coming from the always brilliant Republicans is The Chapo Act, a proposal by — who else? — Cuban American dimwit Ted Cruz to have Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán to pay for a border wall.

But why? Well, because you don’t know this but El Chapo has many, many monies; more specifically, $14 billion in what look like beautifully crafted bills featuring his bald mugshot.

Here’s the original tweet sent out earlier this week by Cruz himself, just so you can see how hard it would be to make this sh*t up!

As I asked yesterday, shouldn’t a Chapo Act be an initiative to build tunnels and NOT walls?

But I get it. This is the Trump Administration, so nothing makes any sense anymore and we’re just going to have to go with it.

Take it away Golum!

Univision Preps Series about El Chapo, Because Drug Lords Bring Good Ratings

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Marco de la O is ‘El Chapo’ in Univision upcoming series

It is not a secret that Univision ratings are tanking, and its telenovelas are no longer as popular as they once were. So the gigantic, media company is trying something a bit more risqué: A dramatic series about — what else? — El Chapo, Mexico’s most notorious drug lord, currently serving time (and learning English) in a Brooklyn prison.

The role of El Chapo will be played by Marco de la O, an actor this blogger had never heard of before and one that looks a bit more like a mustachioed version of Jim Carrey, if you asked me.

But I digress. The upcoming series is only the latest example of Hispanic television’s obsession with Latin American drug lords, which might be a pest to society, but provide TV outlets with sweet, coveted ratings.

El Chapo will premiere in the U.S. on Univision on April 23 and this blogger will be watching — of course.

Via: Univision

 

This Mexican Cemetery Was Used to Make Porn Movies, Because Mexico

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Porn actress Janeth Rubio took to Twitter to show off the awesome location of her most recent film

I bet you’ve never heard of Mezquitán, Jalisco, but that’s OK, because there’s nothing really going on there… Until this week, when a local porn actress informed us that she had been filming her latest feature film at the neighborhood’s local cemetery.

“Where do you think I just shot a scene?,” Janeth Rubio asked her Twitter followers. The answer: A selfie and several other pics showing Rubio at the Mezquitán Municipal Cemetery.

Local authorities said they have opened an investigation and promise to punish the perpetrators and all that. But this blogger would like to plead with them and show some mercy to this young creators. After all, I bet that is the most exciting thing that has happened in Mezquitán in, like, forever.

So, give these people a break, will ya?

Via: Excélsior

Mexico Creates ‘Tequila Cloud’ to Attract German Tourists. Yep.

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This cloud rains tequila, so that more Germans can visit Mexico (or something)

I’m way too busy this week with so-called “real work,” but I just needed to let everybody know that the Mexican government has launched a new tourism campaign that involves a cloud that rains not water but … tequila.

Sí, señor. The campaign — crafted by Lapiz and first demonstrated at a special art exhibit in Berlin — used “ultrasonic humidifiers to vibrate tequila at a frequency that actually turned it into visible mist.” This mist is then condensed into liquid form, which falls as raindrops and basically means you can get your caballito ready, put it under the cloud and drink like there is no mañana. ¡Prost!

The reason behind all this, says the Mexican government, is simple: To tempt rain-soaked Germans to visit sunny Mexico in the dead of winter.

Go figure.

Via: LeoBurnett

El Chapo Is Learning English, and I Have a Few Tips for Him

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As you probably know by now, Mexico’s most notorious Bad Hombre, Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán, is finally serving time on this side of the border, more specifically in a New York City prison that has been described as Brooklyn’s Abu Ghraib.

But if you were the least worried about him, you should know that he’s not only doing well, but, according to Univision, he has even taken up English lessons.

I’m not even sure why anybody living in New York City needs to learn English (last time I checked, everyone around me was Mexican and everything was in damn Spanish!) Besides, I bet his captors/teachers are not precisely Shakespeare scholars, so if my paisano is really serious about this thing, there are a few methods that might help, including the lotería one or this other one by Unforgettable Languages.

However, if everything fails, this blogger would be happy to jump on the subway and personally bring him some additional reading material, starting — perhaps – with my favorite one. 👇🏽

You never know when you’re going to need the extra help, right?

USA vs. Mexico: Who Is Sending their ‘Best’ elsewhere?

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Spring breakers chant ‘Build the Wall’ in Mexico

So much for the Mexican “journalist” who stole Tom Brady’s jersey, got caught and embarrassed an entire nation (this blogger included.)

I would like to turn our attention to this group of young Americans who went to Cancún, got drunk and yelled Build-The-Wall!, Build the Wall! repeatedly… while in — well — Mexico.*

OK, I get your rage, but before you go and vow to kill them all, I’d like for all of us to take a moment and realize that both — Mexico and the U.S. — have our share of morons, starting with the ones leading our respective nations, so really, can anyone blame us for being so obtuse?

I get the rage about the spring breakers, really, but before you go all crazy about them, go read this; then remember the 43 of Ayotzinapa; the blatant violations of human rights in Mexico and the dozens of filthy rich politicians who have vanished in thin air…. Then take a deep breath and maybe you’ll understand. We are all fucked, no matter which side of the border we live in.

Shame on us, really. All of us.

*OK, this happened in Cancún, which is arguably not Mexico anymore, but still…  

Via: SFGate.com

‘Beauty and the Beast’ Mariachi Version, Because Why Not?

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La bella y la bestia con trenzas y trompetas
It was bound to happen.

A mariachi version remake of the famous ballroom scene in Beauty and the Beast quickly became a viral hit, because apparently there is nothing Hispanics love more than seeing their favorite mainstream characters recreated á la mexicana.

The video was first posted by Mitu:

Via: CNET en Español