Category: Stupid propositions

Trump-Themed Toilet Paper Knows no Borders –and Supports Migrants

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What ever happened to Softness Without Borders?

The Mexico made Trump-themed toilet paper was first announced in 2017 with much fanfare, but we sort of lost track of it –until now that it began making the rounds on the Internet –again– as Mr. Trump insists a border wall will be built to keep “nasty Mexicans” and other bad hombres away.

Unlike the president of the United States, the Mexican-made Trump Paper offers “Softness without borders” and claims to “actually support migrants,” since its creator pledges to donate 30 percent of the proceeds to organizations helping migrants entering the United States.

The package also boasts it contains “puros rollos” — a double-entendre that means “pure rolls” but can also be understood as “pure nonsense,” which is, well, much more accurate to our current situation.

Oh, and one more thing: What’s with Zapata and the Burrito Revolution?…

This Man Has Made a Song about Topo Chico, Because Texas

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This gringo really, really likes Topo Chico

Robert Ellis, a Houston-native, has written a song about the deliciousness of…. Topo Chico, that other Mexican import that –along with avocados– has swept Americans off their feet.

The song is called –what else?– Topo Chico and it’s, well, an ode to the greatness that is a freshly-opened bottle of Topo Chico … with a little bit of lime.

Listen to this thing … if you dare.

Hat tip: Texas correspondent @lechancle

Avocados From Mexico Releases Super Bowl Commercial. It’s as Bad as Anything ‘Avo’ in America

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Kristin Chenoweth, a famous person I’ve never heard about, stars in Avocados From Mexico’s Super Bowl spot.

Yeah, it’s that time of the year, when not content with punishing me with frigid temperatures –and plenty of avocado-hipster nonsense– corporate America starts releasing their Super Bowl teaser commercials.

Enter the Avocados From Mexico’s Super Bowl spot, starring actress-I-had-never-heard-of Kristin Chenoweth and three small dogs who –for some reason– she tries to teach to bark the group’s famed jingle.

According to AdAge, the below is only a teaser, because there’s also a 60-second digital version of this thing (60 SECONDS!) that will be released –and which I’m sure will be four times as unbearable.

WARNING: WATCH AT YOUR OWN PERIL ⚠️

The Avocado Board Wants You to Eat Avocados for Breakfast if You Don’t Want a Heart Attack –or Something

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Apparently, and for some reason, avocados are now part of a healthy… breakfast.

Despite their being a mortal threat for white people –and their hands– avocados have come a long way on this side of the Rio Grande, thanks mainly to hipsters, millennials and the like. But now, it’s almost as if it’s bad for your health not to eat these things, at least as far as the people selling them are concerned.

Citing latest research, the Avocado Board has come to the conclusion that eating avocados for breakfast has resulted in “heart health benefits for adults” and that you should be eating avocados for breakfast or will soon get a heart attack or something.

Well, as a non-millennial, non-hipster Mexican who actually grew up in Mexico eating avocados NOT for breakfast but in my tacos de carnitas and such, I do not support these findings, nor the avocraze that has gotten way out of hand. 

Via: PR Newswire

Greetings from Paris, Home of the Mayonnaise au Chipotle

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Awwww Paris…

There is nothing like spending some quality time in the City of Lights, with its beautiful architecture, ubiquitous cafés, gorgeous boulevards… and authentic taquerías.

Behold Chiquitin, the newest addition to Rue Henry Monnier (this blog’s temporary headquarters). The 10×10 meter changarrito is the take-away petit branch of Luz Verde, just across the street, and it features all sorts of salsas, including old time favorites like roja, verde and pico de gallo, but other more inventive like mayonnaise au chipotle, césar and –wait for it– salsa matcha.

I haven’t eaten here –yet– as I’m currently busy getting reacquainted with dry pork goods (saucisson sec, rosette de Lyon, etc.) and liters of wine, but I’ll get to it at some point and will be sure to report back.

Oh, did I mention the 16-euro ceviche and the 9-euro tacos al pastor?

Mon dieu!

Photos: Laura Martínez, 22 Rue Henry Monnier, December 2018.

The ‘MEXICO WILL PAY FOR THE WALL’ Jumpsuit is Now $29.95 on Amazon

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Remember that infamous Toys R Us store in Portugal?

Well, now you can add another wall-related product to a growing list of nonsensical merchandise.

Just in time for Christmas 2018, there’s the MEXICO WILL PAY for the wall zip-up jumpsuit, currently on sale on Amazon.com for only $29.95 or less!

WARNING: This thing is made of 90 percent Nylon and 10 percent spandex, which will be just perfect for hanging around with your friends at a Halloween party –as long as it doesn’t take place on a United flight.

Sign me up for a few of these, Amazon. I’m going to have some real fun during my next trip to Mexicou!.

Via: The Huffington Post

Santa Might be White, but He Wears a Sarape, Sings in Spanish

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Photographic proof of Santa's Hispanicness -and penchant for singing in Spanish
Photographic proof of Santa’s Hispanicness -and penchant for singing in Spanish

I’m sorry, Megyn Kelly and your pals over at Fox News, but you’re not correct.

While I might agree with you that -at least judging from this photograph- Santa is “white,” it is undeniable that he is also Hispanic.

How else would you explain his wearing a sarape and singing to the tune of Feliz Navidad?

Gotcha!

Please note that I’m filing this blog post under the category of Latin celebrities, of course.

The Mexican Hat Chips & Salsa Bowl Is All I Need for Christmas

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My birthday is not until May, but if you find it in your heart to give this blogger one of these for Christmas and/or Black Friday, I’ll be forever grateful.

See? It’s not only a convenient way to serve your chips & salsa without making a soggy mess, but it closes automatically *and* it plays MEXICAN HAT DANCE MUSIC! (whatever that means).

WATCH this thing in action here and please, please, please, send one over!

Hat tip: @lechancle

Netflix Sets Up a ‘Marijuana Maze’ –and Other Drug-Related Adventures in Manhattan. No, really

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Netflix’ ‘Interactive Narcos: México Experience’ open Nov. 15 in the heart of Manhattan, just in time for El Chapo trial!

As part of its ongoing marketing efforts to promote the Nov. 16 premiere of Narcos: México, Netflix thought it would be an awesome idea to set up a marihuana maze –and other narco-related experiences in the heart of Manhattan.

Among other things, the Narcos: México Interactive Experience features a pop-up marijuana maze and a series of “photo-friendly moments” that promise to transport fans into the world of drug dealing and –hopefully– get them to watch the new series.

Per a company press release:

Guests will be transported back to the 80s in Guadalajara – choosing to walk the path of the  DEA or the cartel as they navigate a mirror-clad maze, wafting with the smell of cannabis. The Narcos: Mexico Experience features photo-friendly moments, dope swag and an eye opening experience of the historical occurrences reflected in the new series…and since no marijuana maze is complete without munchies, we’ve got churros, Mexican hot chocolate, and tequila to keep guests warm and in the Narcos: Mexico spirit.

And no, I’m not making this up. If you’re in New York City and have nothing better to do this weekend, you can actually go tour this thing for free. Oh and to make things even more exciting: El Chapo’s real life trial kicked off this week… in Brooklyn!

For more photos of the whole experience thing, CLICK HERE:

Via: CNET en Español

Urban Outfitters Wants you to Hang an Avocado Toast Ornament on your Christmas Tree 🙄

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Avocado-loving hipsters must be stopped before it’s too late

As if the avocado frozen dessert and the avocado Halloween costume weren’t enough, the nonsensical avocado frenzy that is sweeping America off its feet is already feeling the Christmas spirit.

Take the Avocado Toast Christmas Ornament, currently on sale at Urban Outfitters for “only” $10, which makes not only a great gift –says the store– but “it looks so good, you’ll want to take a bit out it!”

I’m pretty sure this thing is Made in China and whatnot, but if I were to hang some ridiculousness on my Christmas tree, I’d rather hang the plasticky glitter bacon thing.

And now seriously: LEAVE AVOCADOS ALONE!

Honda Thinks it’s a Good Idea to Set up a Day of the Dead Altar… in the trunk of your Car

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No, Honda, Mexicans don’t set up Day of the Dead altars in their car.

Corporations would do almost anything to help attract the elusive, trillion-dollar, super-duper cool Hispanic market, including pitching us things that make no sense, like setting up a Day of the Dead altar … in the trunk of our car.

Here’s the thing, Honda. No matter how much you think we love the whole culture around death, we (i.e. the Mexicans) wouldn’t stuff our trunk with pan de muerto, calaveras, cempasúchil and catrinas, because that would be, well, stupid.

So now you know. You are welcome!

Hat tip: @lechancle

Someone Is Peddling a ‘Tamal de Elote’ Candle, Because Why the Hell Not?

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Pardon my French but, WTF is this?

I’m not even on Facebook, but thanks to my loyal followers, I learned there’s some people out there peddling a tamal de elote candle, which promises to fill your room with “the warm aroma of corn and sugar.”

Oh, did I mention is also veggie?

I don’t know about you, but tamales should be left alone where they belong: Inside a warm, big bolillo.

Photo: Oh Comadres Candles on Facebook