Trump-Themed Toilet Paper Knows no Borders –and Supports Migrants

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What ever happened to Softness Without Borders?

The Mexico made Trump-themed toilet paper was first announced in 2017 with much fanfare, but we sort of lost track of it –until now that it began making the rounds on the Internet –again– as Mr. Trump insists a border wall will be built to keep “nasty Mexicans” and other bad hombres away.

Unlike the president of the United States, the Mexican-made Trump Paper offers “Softness without borders” and claims to “actually support migrants,” since its creator pledges to donate 30 percent of the proceeds to organizations helping migrants entering the United States.

The package also boasts it contains “puros rollos” — a double-entendre that means “pure rolls” but can also be understood as “pure nonsense,” which is, well, much more accurate to our current situation.

Oh, and one more thing: What’s with Zapata and the Burrito Revolution?…

This Man Has Made a Song about Topo Chico, Because Texas

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This gringo really, really likes Topo Chico

Robert Ellis, a Houston-native, has written a song about the deliciousness of…. Topo Chico, that other Mexican import that –along with avocados– has swept Americans off their feet.

The song is called –what else?– Topo Chico and it’s, well, an ode to the greatness that is a freshly-opened bottle of Topo Chico … with a little bit of lime.

Listen to this thing … if you dare.

Hat tip: Texas correspondent @lechancle

The Heart-Shaped Sope Is Here and there’s Nothing We Can Do about it

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Behold: The Heart-Shaped Sope

Saint Valentine’s is still a few days away, but corporate America is already at it making the case for heart-shaped things, no matter how ridiculous they get.

Enter the heart-shaped sope, which will be served by this Fresno taquería and will cost “only” $13.99 –with a drink included, of course.

But if BAE is not the sope type (I mean not all of us are) you might be interested in the “Valentaco Box” instead, which includes six tacos in a heart-shaped box for only $17.99! And if this still doesn’t seal the deal… How about a box of heart-shaped nachos?

What are you waiting for? Surprise your Valentine with a good dose of masa, beans and fresh nonsense!

This Restaurant Sells a Pablo Escobar-themed Burger –and Fox News Writes Columbia, not Colombia

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It’s Colombia, not Columbia

A pop-up burger restaurant in Australia thought it was a great idea to peddle a Pablo Escobar-themed burger named –what else?– a Pablo Escoburger.

The creation, which has drawn the fury of many across social media, is named after the infamous Colombian (NOT Columbian) drug lord Pablo Escobar. The thing is aptly named “Patrón Burger” and features “a line of white powder, garlic flour, on top of the bun with a rolled up, fake $100 note stuck on top.”

This story is great and all that, but please Fox News: #ItsColombiaNotColumbia*

Via: Fox News

* con una chingada

Avocados From Mexico Releases Super Bowl Commercial. It’s as Bad as Anything ‘Avo’ in America

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Kristin Chenoweth, a famous person I’ve never heard about, stars in Avocados From Mexico’s Super Bowl spot.

Yeah, it’s that time of the year, when not content with punishing me with frigid temperatures –and plenty of avocado-hipster nonsense– corporate America starts releasing their Super Bowl teaser commercials.

Enter the Avocados From Mexico’s Super Bowl spot, starring actress-I-had-never-heard-of Kristin Chenoweth and three small dogs who –for some reason– she tries to teach to bark the group’s famed jingle.

According to AdAge, the below is only a teaser, because there’s also a 60-second digital version of this thing (60 SECONDS!) that will be released –and which I’m sure will be four times as unbearable.

WARNING: WATCH AT YOUR OWN PERIL ⚠️

Prayer Rugs, Tacos, Turbantes: It’s all Coming Together and you should be Freaking out!

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ISIS in Mexico? ... Nah, just a heat exhausted taquero
Tacos & Turbantes? Do now show this to Trump, please

Not content with informing the world that my people (i.e. the Mexicans) are nothing but a bunch of rapists and drug dealers, President Donald Trump is now expressing concerns about prayer rugs (PRAYER RUGS!) found on the Southern border. And this, my friends, can mean only one thing: Muslim terrorists! 😱

All of this –of course– makes for a potentially explosive combination, particularly when it comes to heat exhausted taqueros in the Homeland like the one in the photo who –in addition to everything –happens to make delicious tacos out of -what else?- a trompo!

OMG! It’s all coming together, y’all.

The end is near my friends, so everybody should just go out eat tacos; otherwise, the terrorists win.

Americans Horrified to Learn about their ‘Mexican DNA’ in Hilarious Aeroméxico Campaign 😂

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Screenshot by Óscar Gutiérrez

Aeroméxico is offering Americans hefty discounts to travel to Mexico. How hefty? Well, this depends –says Aeroméxico– on said Americans’ percentage of “Mexican heritage,” whatever this means.

The problem? Judging from this new campaign (executed by Ogilvy), not all of these die-hard Americans seem to be thrilled to learn they are, well, part Mexican –even if this means they can fly to Mexicou on the cheap.

Oh, the horror!

WATCH. ENJOY. REPEAT

Via: Ogilvy.

The Avocado Board Wants You to Eat Avocados for Breakfast if You Don’t Want a Heart Attack –or Something

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Apparently, and for some reason, avocados are now part of a healthy… breakfast.

Despite their being a mortal threat for white people –and their hands– avocados have come a long way on this side of the Rio Grande, thanks mainly to hipsters, millennials and the like. But now, it’s almost as if it’s bad for your health not to eat these things, at least as far as the people selling them are concerned.

Citing latest research, the Avocado Board has come to the conclusion that eating avocados for breakfast has resulted in “heart health benefits for adults” and that you should be eating avocados for breakfast or will soon get a heart attack or something.

Well, as a non-millennial, non-hipster Mexican who actually grew up in Mexico eating avocados NOT for breakfast but in my tacos de carnitas and such, I do not support these findings, nor the avocraze that has gotten way out of hand. 

Via: PR Newswire

OK, France, Now You’re Just Being Ridiculous…

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Move over, Taco Bell: French fast food chain Tacos King, is on its way to become this blogger’s worst make-believe-taco nightmare.

I came across this establishment in the heart of Downtown Lille, and while I didn’t have the heart to walk in and come face to face with the calamité, I was able to secure a photo of *these* things the French dare call “tacos.”

Mon Dieu!

voilà, ici la calamité

Photo: Laura Martínez, Lille, France.