What if Osama Bin Laden Had Been Mexican?

As is usually the case with some major news developments, it took my fellow Mexicans very little time to start mocking the whole Osama bin Laden-capture-death thing.

Barely hours after President Obama delivered the news of Bin Laden’s death on Sunday, the hashtag #siosamafueramexicano (If Osama had been Mexican) became a major trending topic on Twitter México.

Among this blogger’s favorite:

If Osama bin Laden had been Mexican, we would have killed him tomorrow… 

p.s. The picture on the left is from an actual Algebra book by Aurelio Baldor this blogger grew up studying with.

No kidding [and no wonder I suck at Algebra.]

Obama Courts ‘Influential Hispanics,’ Fails to Invite this Blogger to White House Gathering

President Barack Obama is smart enough to know that it takes more than eating a burrito and posing next to some Mariachi-clad dude to court U.S. Hispanics. That is why, POTUS this week lured a bunch of “influencial” Hispanics to the White House, including retro-acculturated food-entrepreneur Eva Longoria and radio personality -and former “undocumented Mexican” Eddie “Piolin” Sotelo.

As always, I appreciate the effort, but Mr. Obama should add this blogger to his list next time if he really wants to effect change.

I might not have Longoria’s artistic qualities has, but I have rubbed elbows with the British monarchy.

Here is the official photo of the event. See how many ‘influential Hispanics’ you can recognize.

Photo: WhiteHouse.gov

If This Doesn’t Get Me on the ‘Special Guest’ List at the Royal Wedding, I Don’t Know What Will

My friends think it’s too late, but I still think El Chicharito and myself have a pretty good chance of making it to the April 29th event.

I will keep you posted.

P.S. And no; this is not Photoshoped. I met this gentleman during my years as a scholar at the United World College of South East Asia, and I’m happy to report the original image still graces the walls at my mom’s place in Mexico City.

Chileans Trick Taco-Eating Mexicans [Myself Included] into Drinking Bad Wine

Minutes upon arriving to Mexico City, my brother took me to our local wine store where I was surprised to find Taquero, a Chilean wine designed specifically to cater to our tacos-eating habit.

The verdict: Chileans should stick to making their regular wine and not worry about us, Mexican drinkers. My hangover is such this morning that I feel like an extra dose of tacos de suadero with habanero sauce (..which I’ll accompany, of course, with a cold Victoria.)

¡Guácala!

A Latina Has been Named the World’s Most Beautiful Woman. [And No, it’s Not Me]

This is getting annoying: Not content with snubbing me for its 15 Most Influential Hispanics edition, Time Inc.-owned People magazine this year failed to consider this blogger among the candidates to the title of the Most Beautiful Woman in the Whole Wide World, picking instead ubiquitous Jennifer Lopez, which really, is like… Are you guys serious?!! I bet it’s just because she climbs pyramids in high-heels and all.

But that is OK. I still have my hopes high for the upcoming announcement of People en Español’s 50 Most Beautiful Hispanics, for which I might have a better shot. After all, I am Hispanic. I speak español.

Besides -unlike JLo- and I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing THIS

What Nobody Has Told You About Don Browne’s Leaving Telemundo

Barely one minute after NBC Universal broke the news online about Don Browne’s retirement as head of Telemundo, hundreds of Tweets and Facebook messages (mostly by myself) propagated the news throughout the Web… So I’m not going to bother you with what you already know, but with what you don’t know. For instance: Did you know Mr. Brown will be riding into the sunset with La Reina del Sur?

Aha! Bet you didn’t know that. So you stay tuned and read the entire chisme in my upcoming articles for both Portada and Multichannel News.

Univision Realizes Not all Hispanics Eat Tamales, Speak Only Spanish, Watch Telenovelas

You can love or hate Univision; but one thing is certain: The message the network wants to send out to the world has changed radically from the years of Perenchio and his lieutenants, when talking about an English-speaking Latino was almost cause for termination of employment.

The Census might not bring about a revolution but someone at the 800-pound-gorilla has realized it is no longer Spanish only. Novelas only. Tamales only. When you have a population of 50.4 million people, you cannot assume everybody eats tamales or watches Univision’s nightly telenovelas. [I for one have very little tolerance for both.]

Now, Univision will have to work hard to change some of its programming to better reflect this so-called New America.

I’m just sayin’….

Jennifer Lopez Does Chichen Itzá in Ridiculously High Platform Wedge Heels

Jennifer Lopez this weekend dropped by Chichen Itzá, in the Yucatán Peninsula, to shoot part of exotic video I’m Into You, alongside rapper Lil Wayne.

But going to Chichen Itzá requires some “seamless blending with the environment” and –of course– appropriate pyramid-climbing gear, which is why the Bronx Diva climbed atop El Castillo dressed in a snakeskin outfit, a headwrap and ridiculously high platform wedge heels.

Because, you know, that’s what Mexicans do when we visit our sacred, archaeological sites.