Do you Like Hummus but *Love* Avocado? The Guacammus is Here!

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Crazy Fresh!

Crazy Fresh Products, a company that guarantees “fresh-cut and ready-to-eat veggies and salsas,” has concocted the Guacammus, a blend of guacamole and hummus that is sure to make hipster-millennials salivate.

This thing was last seen at a local store for $5.99 –and yes, this is what it actually looks like.

If Guacammus is not for you, these people are also peddling Picomole, Apple Salsa and Cranberry Salsa among other atrocities, because why the hell not?

Hat tip: @lechancle

GOP Congresswoman Eats Pozole Pizza and I Can’t Even…

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GOP Congresswoman Debbie Lesko, from Arizona, took to Twitter to show off her very own Arizona Pozole Pizza, a weird concoction made specially for her by the local D.C. Pizzeria Paradiso.

Filing this under ‘guácatelas’

The stunt was part of  Pizzeria Paradiso’s United States of Pizza: Women’s Slice of the Pie, a “rotating weekly menu of state-themed pies honoring and highlighting elected female officials per state,” –apparently because International’s Women Month and thus the pozole thing.

As if I needed one more reason to despise Republicans… (¡guácala!)

Via: The Eagle

Americans Discover Sarapes; Call them ‘Serapes’ –and Everything Is Awful

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People are hashtagging #serapes #serapholic and #serapify and I’m dying!

I’ve been on the #ItsSarapeNotSarape thing for quite some time now, but thanks to a sharp Twitter follower today I learned there’s even a Serapify and Serapholic hashtags on Instagram. I clicked on it and went down a horrific, serape-filled rabbit hole.

Welp!

Hat tip: Laura Gomez Rodriguez

Bodegas are a National Treasure; Just Don’t Ask the Owner for the Bathroom Key

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It is no secret that bodegas are a wonder of sorts. No matter the time of day you will surely find all your basics. Late night-condoms? a Guadalupe Virgin candle? Emergency tampons? Terrible coffee? …. The bodeguero has your back.

Oh, but try not asking him to use the bathroom, unless you want to unleash a series of… hilarious musical events.

WATCH Saturday Nights’ Live (March 2, 2019 episode)

This Game Lets you Pick a Foam Burrito and Throw it at Someone –for some Reason

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Throw Throw Burrito has raised almost $1 million on Kickstarter. But… why?

The creators of Exploding Kittens and other silly board games are prepping Throw Throw Burrito, a card game that will have players pick up a foam burrito and… throw it at another player.

I have no idea why anybody would want to do that, but the only good news is that two plush burritos are included in this thing.

Let the genius behind the game explain their creation themselves, shall we?

Via: CNET en Español

Monolingual Drunk Berates Woman for Speaking Spanish; He Gets Lectured… in Spanglish

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Another day, another drunken, monolingual moron in America feels threatened by people speaking Spanish around them.

In the latest episode of an increasingly common occurence, a man in El Paso, Texas claiming to be a war veteran goes off on a local woman for speaking Spanish to… her mom.

“This is America… We speak English here! Why don’t you speak English?” says the man, who according to local media, is a war veteran from Wisconsin.

I’m sure the incident was very upsetting for the women, but the exchange quickly turns quite hilarious as the woman’s mother starts yelling back at the man… not in English or Spanish, but in Spanglish.

“Como vas a estar tomando beer in the morning?  Puto!”

The whole exchange is a bit ridiculous (and innecessarily long, if you asked me) but watch it below if you’re so inclined… SIGH.

Via: El Diario La Prensa

The ‘New York Times’ Trolls Trump by Praising Mexican Oscar Winners

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Bad hombres? Nah, more like The Three Amigos: Alfonso Cuarón, Alejandro G. Iñárritu, GuillermoDel Toro

The 91st Academy Awards are tonight, my friends, and just in time for the big night, The New York Times decided to troll Mr. Trump in a not so subtle way, by highlighting the multiple wins and box office dollars brought to the table by Mexican directors and artists.

WATCH. ENJOY. REPEAT*

*See you tonight on Twitter

‘Hola México’ Photoshops Yalitza Aparicio; Hilarity Ensues

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From Edgar G. Pichardo (@ElDeCreativo)

Hola México jumped on the Yalitza Aparicio bandwagon with a colorful splash –and cover story honoring the Oscar-nominated indigenous actress. But Hola México being Hola México, decided to give Yalitza the not-so-indigenous look, going a little heavy on the Photoshop, both on the cover and in the inside pages of the magazine.

Twitter Mexico, of course, responded as it usually does: With dozens of possible, hilarious theories to explain Yalitza’s impossibly long legs.

Here’s a screenshot taken from the pages of Hola México:

And here are some of my favorite reactions:

Two theories

Three knees?

What is going on?

A matter of … perspective?

Another possibility

Well…

Elizabeth Warren Launches Campaign Website in what she Believes is the Spanish Language

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En realidad no estoy en, y he aquí por qué [yup, whatevs]
What’s with U.S. presidential candidates and sloppy Spanish?

Not to be outdone by Bernie Sanders’ donut-lorem-lorem “Spanish-language” Website thing, democratic contender Elizabeth Warren is also courting the so-called Hispanic vote with –what else?– sloppy Spanish!

Warren, who will be occasionally referred to by this blogger as “La Guarren” has spiced up her fundraising campaign Website with what she believes is copy in Spanish.

In addition to a phrase that makes no sense whatsoever (En realidad, no estoy en, y he aquí por qué,) la Guarren thinks “Cuestiones” is Spanish for Questions…. (oh an don’t get me started on the “los” vs. “las” disaster.)

I’m pretty sure that among the 50 plus million Hispanics that have “invaded” this great country, politicians can find at least one person who can properly write copy in Spanish (ahem, ahem.)

Get your act together, people, I’ll be watching!

Last but not least: This blog’s 2020 US Presidential Campaign and Hispandering tags are officially open. So yay!

Bernie Sanders’ Spanish-language Website Is Offering Free Donuts –I Think

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Please tell me you get a free donought when you click that red button.

Remember when Bernie Sanders was “progresivo” in Spanish?

Well, looks like in this, his second run for the US presidency, Bernie is still determined to court the vote of my people (i.e. The Hispanics.)

This time around though, Bernie has launched a Spanish-language Website (well, sort of) asking for donations, which doesn’t really say much about anything, except that it features a huge red button with the word DONA which –as you can imagine– is giving this blogger hope for some free donuts.

I’m not clicking it yet, but I scrolled down a bit only to find a cryptic, two-word message: lorem, lorem, which I hope is code language for Universal Healthcare and Tax the Hell out of the Billionaires.

Is this code language for Universal Healthcare?

Go, Bernie Progresivo!

Trump-Themed Toilet Paper Knows no Borders –and Supports Migrants

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What ever happened to Softness Without Borders?

The Mexico made Trump-themed toilet paper was first announced in 2017 with much fanfare, but we sort of lost track of it –until now that it began making the rounds on the Internet –again– as Mr. Trump insists a border wall will be built to keep “nasty Mexicans” and other bad hombres away.

Unlike the president of the United States, the Mexican-made Trump Paper offers “Softness without borders” and claims to “actually support migrants,” since its creator pledges to donate 30 percent of the proceeds to organizations helping migrants entering the United States.

The package also boasts it contains “puros rollos” — a double-entendre that means “pure rolls” but can also be understood as “pure nonsense,” which is, well, much more accurate to our current situation.

Oh, and one more thing: What’s with Zapata and the Burrito Revolution?…