‘Hola México’ Photoshops Yalitza Aparicio; Hilarity Ensues

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From Edgar G. Pichardo (@ElDeCreativo)

Hola México jumped on the Yalitza Aparicio bandwagon with a colorful splash –and cover story honoring the Oscar-nominated indigenous actress. But Hola México being Hola México, decided to give Yalitza the not-so-indigenous look, going a little heavy on the Photoshop, both on the cover and in the inside pages of the magazine.

Twitter Mexico, of course, responded as it usually does: With dozens of possible, hilarious theories to explain Yalitza’s impossibly long legs.

Here’s a screenshot taken from the pages of Hola México:

And here are some of my favorite reactions:

Two theories

Three knees?

What is going on?

A matter of … perspective?

Another possibility

Well…

Elizabeth Warren Launches Campaign Website in what she Believes is the Spanish Language

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En realidad no estoy en, y he aquí por qué [yup, whatevs]
What’s with U.S. presidential candidates and sloppy Spanish?

Not to be outdone by Bernie Sanders’ donut-lorem-lorem “Spanish-language” Website thing, democratic contender Elizabeth Warren is also courting the so-called Hispanic vote with –what else?– sloppy Spanish!

Warren, who will be occasionally referred to by this blogger as “La Guarren” has spiced up her fundraising campaign Website with what she believes is copy in Spanish.

In addition to a phrase that makes no sense whatsoever (En realidad, no estoy en, y he aquí por qué,) la Guarren thinks “Cuestiones” is Spanish for Questions…. (oh an don’t get me started on the “los” vs. “las” disaster.)

I’m pretty sure that among the 50 plus million Hispanics that have “invaded” this great country, politicians can find at least one person who can properly write copy in Spanish (ahem, ahem.)

Get your act together, people, I’ll be watching!

Last but not least: This blog’s 2020 US Presidential Campaign and Hispandering tags are officially open. So yay!

Bernie Sanders’ Spanish-language Website Is Offering Free Donuts –I Think

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Please tell me you get a free donought when you click that red button.

Remember when Bernie Sanders was “progresivo” in Spanish?

Well, looks like in this, his second run for the US presidency, Bernie is still determined to court the vote of my people (i.e. The Hispanics.)

This time around though, Bernie has launched a Spanish-language Website (well, sort of) asking for donations, which doesn’t really say much about anything, except that it features a huge red button with the word DONA which –as you can imagine– is giving this blogger hope for some free donuts.

I’m not clicking it yet, but I scrolled down a bit only to find a cryptic, two-word message: lorem, lorem, which I hope is code language for Universal Healthcare and Tax the Hell out of the Billionaires.

Is this code language for Universal Healthcare?

Go, Bernie Progresivo!

Trump-Themed Toilet Paper Knows no Borders –and Supports Migrants

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What ever happened to Softness Without Borders?

The Mexico made Trump-themed toilet paper was first announced in 2017 with much fanfare, but we sort of lost track of it –until now that it began making the rounds on the Internet –again– as Mr. Trump insists a border wall will be built to keep “nasty Mexicans” and other bad hombres away.

Unlike the president of the United States, the Mexican-made Trump Paper offers “Softness without borders” and claims to “actually support migrants,” since its creator pledges to donate 30 percent of the proceeds to organizations helping migrants entering the United States.

The package also boasts it contains “puros rollos” — a double-entendre that means “pure rolls” but can also be understood as “pure nonsense,” which is, well, much more accurate to our current situation.

Oh, and one more thing: What’s with Zapata and the Burrito Revolution?…

This Man Has Made a Song about Topo Chico, Because Texas

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This gringo really, really likes Topo Chico

Robert Ellis, a Houston-native, has written a song about the deliciousness of…. Topo Chico, that other Mexican import that –along with avocados– has swept Americans off their feet.

The song is called –what else?– Topo Chico and it’s, well, an ode to the greatness that is a freshly-opened bottle of Topo Chico … with a little bit of lime.

Listen to this thing … if you dare.

Hat tip: Texas correspondent @lechancle

The Heart-Shaped Sope Is Here and there’s Nothing We Can Do about it

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Behold: The Heart-Shaped Sope

Saint Valentine’s is still a few days away, but corporate America is already at it making the case for heart-shaped things, no matter how ridiculous they get.

Enter the heart-shaped sope, which will be served by this Fresno taquería and will cost “only” $13.99 –with a drink included, of course.

But if BAE is not the sope type (I mean not all of us are) you might be interested in the “Valentaco Box” instead, which includes six tacos in a heart-shaped box for only $17.99! And if this still doesn’t seal the deal… How about a box of heart-shaped nachos?

What are you waiting for? Surprise your Valentine with a good dose of masa, beans and fresh nonsense!

This Restaurant Sells a Pablo Escobar-themed Burger –and Fox News Writes Columbia, not Colombia

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It’s Colombia, not Columbia

A pop-up burger restaurant in Australia thought it was a great idea to peddle a Pablo Escobar-themed burger named –what else?– a Pablo Escoburger.

The creation, which has drawn the fury of many across social media, is named after the infamous Colombian (NOT Columbian) drug lord Pablo Escobar. The thing is aptly named “Patrón Burger” and features “a line of white powder, garlic flour, on top of the bun with a rolled up, fake $100 note stuck on top.”

This story is great and all that, but please Fox News: #ItsColombiaNotColumbia*

Via: Fox News

* con una chingada

Avocados From Mexico Releases Super Bowl Commercial. It’s as Bad as Anything ‘Avo’ in America

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Kristin Chenoweth, a famous person I’ve never heard about, stars in Avocados From Mexico’s Super Bowl spot.

Yeah, it’s that time of the year, when not content with punishing me with frigid temperatures –and plenty of avocado-hipster nonsense– corporate America starts releasing their Super Bowl teaser commercials.

Enter the Avocados From Mexico’s Super Bowl spot, starring actress-I-had-never-heard-of Kristin Chenoweth and three small dogs who –for some reason– she tries to teach to bark the group’s famed jingle.

According to AdAge, the below is only a teaser, because there’s also a 60-second digital version of this thing (60 SECONDS!) that will be released –and which I’m sure will be four times as unbearable.

WARNING: WATCH AT YOUR OWN PERIL ⚠️

Prayer Rugs, Tacos, Turbantes: It’s all Coming Together and you should be Freaking out!

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ISIS in Mexico? ... Nah, just a heat exhausted taquero
Tacos & Turbantes? Do now show this to Trump, please

Not content with informing the world that my people (i.e. the Mexicans) are nothing but a bunch of rapists and drug dealers, President Donald Trump is now expressing concerns about prayer rugs (PRAYER RUGS!) found on the Southern border. And this, my friends, can mean only one thing: Muslim terrorists! 😱

All of this –of course– makes for a potentially explosive combination, particularly when it comes to heat exhausted taqueros in the Homeland like the one in the photo who –in addition to everything –happens to make delicious tacos out of -what else?- a trompo!

OMG! It’s all coming together, y’all.

The end is near my friends, so everybody should just go out eat tacos; otherwise, the terrorists win.