Argentine Priest Blesses Flock with ‘Despacito,’ Because there’s no God and we’re all Going to Hell

We are going to hell… Despacito

It was only a few days ago I wrote about gringo media discovering the craze of Despacito, the first Spanish-language U.S. No. 1 hit since Macarena.

Well, get ready for more Despacito-infused news: A priest at a local church in Córdoba, Argentina, has decided to give his dominical sermon a Fonsi-Daddy-Yankee spin, by making attendees chant and dance to the tune of  — what else? — Despacito!

The reason? Simply because THE END is near and we’re all going to hell. (Despacito, but we’re on our way.)

JUST WATCH:

Via: Televisa

Why ‘Beatriz at Dinner’ Is the First Trumpian Movie of 2017

Salma Hayek (right, of course, duh!) plays a Mexican professional whom everyone assumes is part of the wait staff

I have not seen this thing, since it is set to premiere on June 9, but judging from the official trailer; the many (way too many) pics posted by Salma Hayek on Instagram and even a film review by the [failing] New York Times, Beatriz at Dinner is poised to become the American film of the Trumpian era par excellence.

The reason? It features “a pompous billionaire facing off with a Mexican professional woman whom everyone assumes she is part of the wait staff. (As if that hasn’t happened to all of us!)

Anyhow, stay tuned as this blogger will do her best to get a free ticket to this thing. Yes, I said “free,” because as you can imagine, being Mexican and all, I couldn’t possibly shell out $15 for a Hollywood movie — even if a paisana stars on it.

Watch this thing and please let me know if I should bother or simply file this under the shameful-Hollywood-productions-that-never-should-have-been archives.

Texas Protesters to Rep. Matt Rinaldi: ‘No Guacamole for You!’

Take that, Rinaldi!

Hispanics might have found the perfect way to make politicians think twice before taking away their rights and/or implement some BS anti-immigration legislation: Cut down their salsa *and* guacamole supply.

That was in full display earlier this week in Austin, when dozens of Hispanics protested outside state Rep. Matt Rinaldi’s office after he threatened to “put a bullet in one of his colleague’s head” during a scuffle over SB 4, the state’s new anti-“sanctuary cities” law.

But that was not all. According to several press reports, Rinaldi also told Texas democrats in the House that he had called ICE officials on Hispanic activists and wanted them all deported and stuff.

This, of course, didn’t sit well with my people, who retaliated with the most powerful tool at their disposal: By pledging to cut down the supply of salsa, guacamole and other delicious “Hispanic goods” to offending legislators.

So… U.S. politicians have been properly warned: They’d better think twice before messing with Latinos. It’ll be, like, No salsa, No Guacamole for YOU!

Hat tip: Melissa Salas Blair