HELP! The Avocado-Hipster-Millennial Nonsense Has Reached my Neighborhood –and I’m Dying!

This is not Brooklyn, nor the West Village, nor I-don’t-know-what-fancy neighborhood: This is freaking Harlem, for God’s sakes.

Forget for one second about those ridiculous prices: What the hell is a Tex-Mex veggerito? Why would anyone eat whole wheat tortilla chips? What’s with the alfalfa sprouts?

That’s it, New York hipsters & millennials, I’m coming to get you.

*Hyperventilates, runs to the nearest taquería*