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Pizza Hut Australia tweeted the above image to its followers asking what they’d prefer on their pizza: “avocado dip” (whatever that means) or -I assume- a regular topping. I’m too busy to elaborate right now, but it is my opinion that multinationals should just leave aguacates alone.
… oh and don’t get me started on the copy.
via: Pizza Hut Australia
Guacamole, which according to “avocado experts” at Wholly Guacamole was “invented by the Aztecs for its nutritional benefits for the wealthy,” can now be used to prepare a deliciously patriotic Mexican flag tricolor dip, a culinary work of art you will never encounter in Mexico (mainly because it looks like a hell of a lot of work for a real Mexican.)
But I digress. The point is: The Super Bowl LVI is tonight and any excuse to fool around with Mexican food –and the Mexican flag– is a good one. Besides… it features an eagle… and eagle, babies!
Wink, Wink…
Not content with having ruined meals –and jacked up the price of avocados to ridiculous levels– American hipsters are at it again; this time with a plan to ruin footware as well.
Yes, my friends, according to multiple reports, the “Saucony Originals Shadow 6000 Avocado Toast sneakers” are here for a price I can only guess will be as high as an “avocado toast.”
I’m kind of busy right now, but I’ll be filing this under the #PinchesHipsters and #StupidPropositions categories… and then proceed to jump out the window.
Via: Footwear News
Crazy Fresh Products, a company that guarantees “fresh-cut and ready-to-eat veggies and salsas,” has concocted the Guacammus, a blend of guacamole and hummus that is sure to make hipster-millennials salivate.
This thing was last seen at a local store for $5.99 –and yes, this is what it actually looks like.
If Guacammus is not for you, these people are also peddling Picomole, Apple Salsa and Cranberry Salsa among other atrocities, because why the hell not?
Hat tip: @lechancle
Despite their being a mortal threat for white people –and their hands– avocados have come a long way on this side of the Rio Grande, thanks mainly to hipsters, millennials and the like. But now, it’s almost as if it’s bad for your health not to eat these things, at least as far as the people selling them are concerned.
Citing latest research, the Avocado Board has come to the conclusion that eating avocados for breakfast has resulted in “heart health benefits for adults” and that you should be eating avocados for breakfast or will soon get a heart attack or something.
Well, as a non-millennial, non-hipster Mexican who actually grew up in Mexico eating avocados NOT for breakfast but in my tacos de carnitas and such, I do not support these findings, nor the avocraze that has gotten way out of hand.
Via: PR Newswire
Why cut your delicate hands trying to chop open an avocado when you can enjoy the wonders of the fruit without having to resort to a knife –or a tortilla?
That is the promise of Cado, an “avocado-based frozen dessert” crafted by a very white group of vegan people and designed to satisfy your avocado craving –without the dairy and/or the other actually great things about, well, avocados.
Per a review of this thing by Veg News (LOL)
Organic avocado is cold-pressed, sweetened, and flavored before being churned to a silky, smooth consistency. The fruit’s subtle floral aroma lightly infuses each variety, but flavors such as Deep Dark Chocolate, Simply Lemon, and Mint Chocolate Chip shine through for a unique take on our favorite frozen treat.
¡Ay, mátenme porque me muero!
Via: Veg News
I have no idea who Fooddeco is and/or why anybody should listen to what they have to say, but they seem to be truly in love with avocados. So much so they’re now advocating for Avocado Gender Reveal Parties.
I’m only afraid if this trend picks up, we’re going to see a lot more cases of avocado hand, because I’m pretty sure this is a mostly white people thing.
So if y’all excuse me, I’m off to jump out the window or something.
Hat tip: @ConAudifonos
This is not Brooklyn, nor the West Village, nor I-don’t-know-what-fancy neighborhood: This is freaking Harlem, for God’s sakes.
Forget for one second about those ridiculous prices: What the hell is a Tex-Mex veggerito? Why would anyone eat whole wheat tortilla chips? What’s with the alfalfa sprouts?
That’s it, New York hipsters & millennials, I’m coming to get you.
*Hyperventilates, runs to the nearest taquería*
OKAY, people, stop doing whatever it is you are doing right now. A potentially devastating malaise known as Avocado Hand is affecting an increasing number of non-Mexican people, specifically those who have no idea how to cut an avocado, namely Americans and Brits.
According to the always reliable Daily Mail, the number of people visiting the emergency room suffering from “avocado hand” knife injuries is on the rise. But… how bad exactly is this thing? Well, it is so bad it once got none other than Meryl Streep, who famously required hand surgery after cutting her fingers while preparing a delish guacamole.
The problem is not limited to America, no señor. London-based plastic surgeon Simon Eccles told The Times that he sees about four patients a week now suffering with wounds caused by trying to cut an avocado, because — shockingly — there are avocados in London.
Fortunately, they are plenty of resources out there for you not to end up in the emergency room with a bunch of avocado-clueless anglos. There are even guides and fancy gadgets for you to master your avocado grip.
To wit…
and….
So, get yourself together and don’t say I didn’t warn you….
In addition to reproducing Cecilia Jimenez ruined artistic recreation of a 19 century fresco of Jesus, this prolific avocado artist has also some interesting renderings of Monalisa, The Joker and Gokú, among others.
From now on, I’ll be referring to this thing as AguacARTE.
Via: Creadoorm
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