Via: Reuters with h/t by Moses Frenck
Year: 2017
This is Why Mexicans Can Never be on Time …
When a Mexican asks you to meet at 17:00, it means you should meet at 5 PM. But not always; sometimes 17:00 also means 7 PM, because Mexico’s perception of time is a thing of beauty.
Now you know.
Want to Brush up on your Spanish? CamSoda’s Hot Girls and Live Webcams Are here to Help
Working in tech has its perks, including getting outrageous pitches in your Inbox that will make you go WHAT?!
Enter, Camsoda, a new entertainment/webcam platform that prides itself of being “the first-ever adult language-learning service that combines multilingual cam models and cutting edge translation technology to make learning a new language fun and sensual.”
I am going to spare you the graphic details, but if you’re so inclined in taking up a super sensual language, say Spanish, you can head over here.
Oh, and by the way: What if we, the ladies, want to learn a language too? Where are the hot machos?
WARNING: NSFW
The TriceraTACO Will Keep your Sad-Looking ‘Taco’ in Place
Move over, plastic taco-truck. Here comes the TriceraTACO, a machine-washable, plastic dinosaur that will hold your hard-shell disgusting tacos for only $13! Please note that given its shape and size, this thing will only hold those things Americans insist on calling a “taco” and will never be suited for a decent al pastor…
The TriceraTACO is now on sale on — where else? — Amazon.com, home of the Deluxe Mexican Yoga Mat and the Mexico Will Pay for the Wall jumpsuit.
¡Que viva el nonsense y el marketing!
Hat tip: Verónica Calderón
Sushi Tacos Are the Latest Food Craze, Because some People Want to Watch the World Burn
Not content with ruining everything with the taco-topped pizza, the Quesalupa and the Biscuit Taco, Americans are at it again.
Meet the SUSHI-TACO, the latest food craze that will soon take over your Instagram account.
According to my very reliable sources (i.e. the Internet,) sushi tacos first started popping up on Instagram thanks to Tail and Fin, a restaurant in — where else? — Las Vegas, which is serving up “white rice topped with fish and vegetables and nestled inside a circular seaweed shell.”
But. Wait. A. Second.
Guess what, you dimwits? A “white rice topped with fish and vegetables and nestled inside a circular seaweed shell” is not a taco, it’s just sushi, so stop it already!
Via: Metro.com.uk
Someone Made a Pizza Topped with Tacos and Guacamole, Because New Jersey
Tony Boloney’s, an eatery in — where else? — Hoboken, NJ, has concocted The Taco Pizza, an abomination made of queso Oaxaca, carne asada chipotle and a “solid heaping of cheese on top of pizza dough.”
Keep reading on the link below. I’m going to go throw up.
Via: Thrillist
‘The Daily Mail’ Joins the Columbia-Not-Colombia Nonsense
Budweiser Introduces the Peach-A-Rita, because Lime-A-Ritas and Straw-Ber-Ritas are not Ludicrous Enough
Oh, no… Budweiser has done it — again.
Not content with having launched a bunch of nonsensical drinks, including the Lime-A-Rita and the Straw-ber-Rita, the “beer” maker has partnered with country singer and clothing designer (aka A Famous Person I’ve Never Heard Of) Jessie James Decker to promote a new, seasonal flavor: Peach-A-Rita.
I have no idea what any of this means, but Decker told AOL.com (which apparently still exists) that Peach-A-Rita “is the perfect drink for the upcoming summer months.” How perfect? Well…
Peach-A-Rita fits my lifestyle […] It’s so easy, I’m always on the go so whenever I have a girls night or get together it’s super easy just to pull it out. No blender required.
Okay, whatevs, Jessie; have fun out there and Happy Cinco de Mayo to you!
Via: AOL.com
Univision Preps Series about El Chapo, Because Drug Lords Bring Good Ratings
It is not a secret that Univision ratings are tanking, and its telenovelas are no longer as popular as they once were. So the gigantic, media company is trying something a bit more risqué: A dramatic series about — what else? — El Chapo, Mexico’s most notorious drug lord, currently serving time (and learning English) in a Brooklyn prison.
The role of El Chapo will be played by Marco de la O, an actor this blogger had never heard of before and one that looks a bit more like a mustachioed version of Jim Carrey, if you asked me.
But I digress. The upcoming series is only the latest example of Hispanic television’s obsession with Latin American drug lords, which might be a pest to society, but provide TV outlets with sweet, coveted ratings.
El Chapo will premiere in the U.S. on Univision on April 23 and this blogger will be watching — of course.
Via: Univision
¡Pum, pum! NRA Enlists Venezuelan Former Olympic Shooter, so Hispanics Can Love Guns, Too
The huge power of my people (i.e. “The Hispanics”) is not lost on the National Rifle Association (NRA,) which has enlisted a Venezuelan gun enthusiast as part of its national ad campaign: Freedom Safest Place.
In one commercial, former Olympic pistol-shooter Gabby Franco says: “The government took our guns…the biggest mistake Venezuelans made was believing that this would never happen.” And by “this” she means that as a result Venezuela is suffering record violence under criminals who now outgun unarmed citizens.
According to Fox News Latino, while the NRA will not publicly say it is trying to woo Hispanics, experts say “the NRA views the minority group as a potent force to try and grow its aging membership.”
So… ¡Ajúa!…. ¡Pum, pum! ¡Freedom!
WATCH. CRINGE. DO NOT REPEAT
Via: Fox News Latino
Mexican Activists Address Subway Harassment by Crafting an Anatomically Explicit Seat
I grew up in Mexico City, and there were few things that terrified me more than travelling alone in the subway. And not because I ran the risk of being mugged (I barely carried any money or valuables with me) but because the men could not seem to keep their hands in place. The situation was so bad, that the joke among us, females, was that the Mexico City subway was the only place where you could get a pap-smear fast and completely free (ha ha… NOT.)
But I digress. The point is that a group of Mexican activists have decided to address harassment in the subway with an unusual campaign that consists on outfitting a subway car with nude male torso — and prominent genitalia where riders would sit. A plaque on the floor in front of said seat reads:
“It’s uncomfortable to sit here but not as uncomfortable as the sexual violence women suffer every day in their commute.”
Activists then recorded men’s startled reactions, especially after sitting down. A YouTube video has has now almost 1.5 million views to date.
I’m really digging this idea, but will it really change minds? I can only hope so.
JUST WATCH
Via: NPR
The Hispanic trailer of ‘The Boss Baby’ Features a Song about Mexico’s Most Notorious Drug Lord
You guys know I’m a sucker for Los Tigres del Norte, literally one of my top 5 favorite bands in the whole wide world. But… using a corrido about a notorious Mexican drug dealer (wink, wink) is just weird.
Yes, sir. The “Hispanic trailer” of the upcoming Dreamworks movie features none other than El Jefe de Jefes, one of Los Tigres’ most famous songs and one that is basically an ode to a notorious drug lord.
I can only imagine the following scene at the marketing department of either the production company or their advertising agency:
Marketing person # 1: Let’s make this trailer “Hispanic”
Marketing person # 2: Great idea. Let’s call Juan; Juan speaks Spanish. Juan, can you think of a song about .. a boss?
Juan: Yes! El Jefe de Jefes!
¡Ajúa!
Someone at Dreamworks is going to have to do a lot of explaining to their non-baby boss.
This Mexican Cemetery Was Used to Make Porn Movies, Because Mexico
I bet you’ve never heard of Mezquitán, Jalisco, but that’s OK, because there’s nothing really going on there… Until this week, when a local porn actress informed us that she had been filming her latest feature film at the neighborhood’s local cemetery.
“Where do you think I just shot a scene?,” Janeth Rubio asked her Twitter followers. The answer: A selfie and several other pics showing Rubio at the Mezquitán Municipal Cemetery.
Local authorities said they have opened an investigation and promise to punish the perpetrators and all that. But this blogger would like to plead with them and show some mercy to this young creators. After all, I bet that is the most exciting thing that has happened in Mezquitán in, like, forever.
So, give these people a break, will ya?
Via: Excélsior
U.S. Post Office Debuts Stamps Featuring Tamales, Sancocho and other Hispanic Delicacies
Yo, immigrant haters: I have real bad news for you.
The U.S. Postal Service has confirmed the issuance of a new series of stamps dedicated “to the influence of Central and South American, Mexican and Caribbean foods and flavors on American cuisine,” because, really, if it weren’t for my people (i.e. the Hispanics) you guys would be stuck eating hamburgers and Taco Bell “food.”
So get ready for a smörgåsbord of tamales, flan, empanadas, chiles rellenos, ceviche and sancocho and start licking these suckers!
Via: The Associated Press
Mexico Creates ‘Tequila Cloud’ to Attract German Tourists. Yep.
I’m way too busy this week with so-called “real work,” but I just needed to let everybody know that the Mexican government has launched a new tourism campaign that involves a cloud that rains not water but … tequila.
Sí, señor. The campaign — crafted by Lapiz and first demonstrated at a special art exhibit in Berlin — used “ultrasonic humidifiers to vibrate tequila at a frequency that actually turned it into visible mist.” This mist is then condensed into liquid form, which falls as raindrops and basically means you can get your caballito ready, put it under the cloud and drink like there is no mañana. ¡Prost!
The reason behind all this, says the Mexican government, is simple: To tempt rain-soaked Germans to visit sunny Mexico in the dead of winter.
Go figure.
Via: LeoBurnett
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