Hat tip to my friend Gabriel Sama for forwarding this CNN story about the $2.5 million awarded to a Kentucky teenager who was severely beaten by members of the Ku Kux Klan because they thought he was an illegal Latino immigrant. Per CNN:

The jury found that the Imperial Klans of America and its founder wrongfully targeted 16-year-old Jordan Gruver, an American citizen of Panamanian and Native-American descent.

The key here is the “wrongfully targeted” part… Because, of course, had he been actually an illegal Latino immigrant, he would have been “rightfully targeted.”

The country’s job market has reached such levels of sophistication, that in order to get work, non-Mexicans are pretending to be, well, Mexicans.

Such was the case of El Salvador-born Juan Carlos Rivera, who this week shared with the San Francisco Chronicle a trick to getting work as a dishwasher.

In his best Mexican Spanish, the Salvadoran asked: “Tienen trabajo?” (Do you have work?); when asked where he was born, he swallowed his pride and answered: Puebla, Mexico.

According to the story, life in Southern California is less complicated as a Mexican, and fitting in is easier. So there you have it. In these uncertain economic times, brush up on your “Mexican” Spanish; grow a bigote, pepper your conversations with lots of güey remarks and join the thousands of happy employed Mexicans!

A Queens mother this month gave birth to six healthy (if tiny) babies, in what is believed to be first sextuples ever born to a Hispanic couple in the U.S.

Baby A, a boy, was born at 10:36 a.m.

Three more boys – B, C and D – arrived at 10:38.

Last came the girls – baby E 10:39 and F at 10:40.

Mother, father, and letter-named baby boys and girls are fine -and already thought of as the target of many, many market studies in the years to come. Will they be Spanish-dominant? Bilingual? Bicultural? Bicoastal? Bi-polar? Acculturated? Straight? English-dominant?

Only God, and market research, will tell.

Welcome all, paisanos (and be gentle with the little one on the right. He looks a bit squeezed there!)

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention this week reported that risky behavior among teenagers continues to decline, with fewer adolescents drinking, smoking or having sex in 2007 than their peers did in 1991. Yupi!

But don’t rush -yet- to hug your Latino teener and reward him with an extra helping of rice & beans. In fact, our adolescents are not part of the joyful statistic.

“Hispanics are at greater risk than blacks and whites for certain unsafe behaviors,” said the CDC. And it adds: Not only they are consuming more alcohol and drugs, but they are more likely to have intercourse “with four or more partners than blacks and whites.”

Like my abuela used to say: ¡Niños, pórtense bien!

Dear readers: It is with great pleasure that I introduce to you a brand new section in this infamous great blog: The Headline of the Week, brought to you by…. well, no one would really sponsor this site. Ever.

But anyhow, what better introductory note than this one from Reuters (05/29/08)?

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12-year-old Colombia-born Alejandro Ramírez is seeking your help in keeping him as far from Colombia as possible. The reason? Ramírez and his mom, now green-card holders, claim his biological dad and other family members in Colombia want him to go visit just to later snatch him and keep him there. Forever.

But the kid won’t take any of it.

“I know how dangerous Colombia is. I definitely don’t want to go to Colombia. I love the U.S.A. and want to stay here,” Alejandro writes in his very own personal Web page, aptly named SaveAlejandro.com

He also says he likes to watch TV, play video games, ride a bike and take Kung Fu lessons. And, as we all know, you cannot do any of these things in the jungle Colombia.

So, without further due, I am hereby launching SaveLaura.org, aimed at keeping myself safely here and away from the dangers and creepiness of my fellow Mexicans. Wanna help? I take most major credit cards, menos Amex of course!