Category: Language

Bill de Blassio Has no Idea What Condón Means in Spanish

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Ever since he announced he’s running for president in 2020, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has been using a very special hashtag in the hopes it will go viral. Nothing wrong with tapping on the power of social media to get traction, except that the hashtag in question is –wait for it– #ConDon.

Not only he has posed alongside supporters holding a #ConDon sign, but he’s even sending out very special mailers (below) asking Americans to contribute and support his campaign. Apparently, De Blasio’s #ConDon thing has something to do with Donald Trump, but I will never know because every time I read #ConDon, I cannot help but think about these things.

One thing, though, Mr. De Blasio: If you’re going to advocate for people wearing preservatives… use an accent over the “o” will ya?

Photo via: Juan Manuel Benitez

Alexa Will Soon Speak Spanish –and it’s about Time!

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According to numerous reports, Amazon is asking customers to participate in a program that will help the company build “a Spanish-language Alexa experience” for U.S. users. The program, which is currently invite-only, “will allow Amazon to incorporate into the U.S. Spanish-language experience a better understanding of things like word choice and local humor.”

This couldn’t come soon enough because last time we checked, Alexa was doing *this*…

Via: CNET.com

Delfín Quishpe Is the New Mayor of Guamote, Ecuador, because Latin America

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“Who knows the truth? Who did it, and why did they do it?” Quishpe asks in this hilarious song, and then goes on:

The whole planet was convulsed

My God, Help me

When I went to look for you, I believed what I was seeing.

The towers in flames, full of black smoke, and you in that place,

My God

JUST WATCH:

How Do you Say ‘Star Wars’ en Español? … Well 👇🏾

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So, Star Wars Episode IX is officially here –and regardless what you think of its new title (Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, its presentation will go down in history thanks to the cutest Guatemalan in the room.

Watch as Oscar Isaac (Poe Dameron) responds to a question about how to say Star Wars in Spanish.

I don’t know about you, but I’m off to go get a cold shower.

Hat tip: Dave Itzkoff

See? Even Beto O’Rourke Knows America is not a Country

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Former Texas congressman Robert “Beto” O’Rourke this week officially launched his presidential campaign Website but despite touting the slogan Beto for America that he uses for his English-language page, he decided to go for a combination of Beto para Estados Unidos and Beto para todos (Beto for Everyone) in the Spanish-language one.

And the reason for this, my friends, is simple: As I’ve been saying, like, forever, America, my friends, is not a country –at least not when you speak Spanish.

So, this is all great señor Beto, now … Where are the free donas?

 

Monolingual Drunk Berates Woman for Speaking Spanish; He Gets Lectured… in Spanglish

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Another day, another drunken, monolingual moron in America feels threatened by people speaking Spanish around them.

In the latest episode of an increasingly common occurence, a man in El Paso, Texas claiming to be a war veteran goes off on a local woman for speaking Spanish to… her mom.

“This is America… We speak English here! Why don’t you speak English?” says the man, who according to local media, is a war veteran from Wisconsin.

I’m sure the incident was very upsetting for the women, but the exchange quickly turns quite hilarious as the woman’s mother starts yelling back at the man… not in English or Spanish, but in Spanglish.

“Como vas a estar tomando beer in the morning?  Puto!”

The whole exchange is a bit ridiculous (and innecessarily long, if you asked me) but watch it below if you’re so inclined… SIGH.

Via: El Diario La Prensa

Elizabeth Warren Launches Campaign Website in what she Believes is the Spanish Language

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En realidad no estoy en, y he aquí por qué [yup, whatevs]
What’s with U.S. presidential candidates and sloppy Spanish?

Not to be outdone by Bernie Sanders’ donut-lorem-lorem “Spanish-language” Website thing, democratic contender Elizabeth Warren is also courting the so-called Hispanic vote with –what else?– sloppy Spanish!

Warren, who will be occasionally referred to by this blogger as “La Guarren” has spiced up her fundraising campaign Website with what she believes is copy in Spanish.

In addition to a phrase that makes no sense whatsoever (En realidad, no estoy en, y he aquí por qué,) la Guarren thinks “Cuestiones” is Spanish for Questions…. (oh an don’t get me started on the “los” vs. “las” disaster.)

I’m pretty sure that among the 50 plus million Hispanics that have “invaded” this great country, politicians can find at least one person who can properly write copy in Spanish (ahem, ahem.)

Get your act together, people, I’ll be watching!

Last but not least: This blog’s 2020 US Presidential Campaign and Hispandering tags are officially open. So yay!

Bernie Sanders’ Spanish-language Website Is Offering Free Donuts –I Think

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Please tell me you get a free donought when you click that red button.

Remember when Bernie Sanders was “progresivo” in Spanish?

Well, looks like in this, his second run for the US presidency, Bernie is still determined to court the vote of my people (i.e. The Hispanics.)

This time around though, Bernie has launched a Spanish-language Website (well, sort of) asking for donations, which doesn’t really say much about anything, except that it features a huge red button with the word DONA which –as you can imagine– is giving this blogger hope for some free donuts.

I’m not clicking it yet, but I scrolled down a bit only to find a cryptic, two-word message: lorem, lorem, which I hope is code language for Universal Healthcare and Tax the Hell out of the Billionaires.

Is this code language for Universal Healthcare?

Go, Bernie Progresivo!

Trump-Themed Toilet Paper Knows no Borders –and Supports Migrants

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What ever happened to Softness Without Borders?

The Mexico made Trump-themed toilet paper was first announced in 2017 with much fanfare, but we sort of lost track of it –until now that it began making the rounds on the Internet –again– as Mr. Trump insists a border wall will be built to keep “nasty Mexicans” and other bad hombres away.

Unlike the president of the United States, the Mexican-made Trump Paper offers “Softness without borders” and claims to “actually support migrants,” since its creator pledges to donate 30 percent of the proceeds to organizations helping migrants entering the United States.

The package also boasts it contains “puros rollos” — a double-entendre that means “pure rolls” but can also be understood as “pure nonsense,” which is, well, much more accurate to our current situation.

Oh, and one more thing: What’s with Zapata and the Burrito Revolution?…

This Restaurant Sells a Pablo Escobar-themed Burger –and Fox News Writes Columbia, not Colombia

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It’s Colombia, not Columbia

A pop-up burger restaurant in Australia thought it was a great idea to peddle a Pablo Escobar-themed burger named –what else?– a Pablo Escoburger.

The creation, which has drawn the fury of many across social media, is named after the infamous Colombian (NOT Columbian) drug lord Pablo Escobar. The thing is aptly named “Patrón Burger” and features “a line of white powder, garlic flour, on top of the bun with a rolled up, fake $100 note stuck on top.”

This story is great and all that, but please Fox News: #ItsColombiaNotColumbia*

Via: Fox News

* con una chingada

Avocados From Mexico Releases Super Bowl Commercial. It’s as Bad as Anything ‘Avo’ in America

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Kristin Chenoweth, a famous person I’ve never heard about, stars in Avocados From Mexico’s Super Bowl spot.

Yeah, it’s that time of the year, when not content with punishing me with frigid temperatures –and plenty of avocado-hipster nonsense– corporate America starts releasing their Super Bowl teaser commercials.

Enter the Avocados From Mexico’s Super Bowl spot, starring actress-I-had-never-heard-of Kristin Chenoweth and three small dogs who –for some reason– she tries to teach to bark the group’s famed jingle.

According to AdAge, the below is only a teaser, because there’s also a 60-second digital version of this thing (60 SECONDS!) that will be released –and which I’m sure will be four times as unbearable.

WARNING: WATCH AT YOUR OWN PERIL ⚠️

This Prosecco Promises Pleasure [i.e. Sex] to Hispanic Drinkers

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OK, so I’m sitting at this bar in Amsterdam, when I decided to order a Prosecco to go with my breakfast. [See? according to my very own drinking rules, Prosecco is the only alcohol I allow myself to drink before noon without feeling -and looking- like a hopeless drunk.]

Little did I know Europeans promised me not only a good dry bubbly, but an entire sensual -and sexual- experience: I got a bottle of Follador: ‘Wow,’ I thought. ‘That’s just awesome! To hell with my flight!’

Alas, it was all a big tease. I finished the damn thing and there were just bubbles, pero de follar, no hubo nada de nada.

So be careful, my friends. This prosecco is puras promesas.