Category: Marketing & Advertising

Tracking Rich Mexicans Via Satellite

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Well, it seems European dogs are not the only ones being tracked via satellite. Rich Mexicans will now be able to be monitored –and hopefully rescued– in case of kidnapping, thanks to Xega, a Mexican security firm, which is implanting tiny radio transmitters under people’s skins and selling them like pancakes.

The chip is by no means cheap: They cost $4,000 plus an annual fee of $2,200, so this is clearly poised to be a very healthy business for its creators.

Still no news on how the Calderón government plans to deal with the alarming rate of kidnapping in Mexico, but hey at least he’s fostering the nation’s entrepreneurial spirit…(sigh.)

¡Sí se puede!

Forget the Border Patrol. Watch the Fatty Burgers

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I love the defenders of animal’s rights, mostly because while everybody is discussing a bunch of boring stuff, they’re putting their marketing minds at work. The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) this week presented an unusual marketing pitch to the U.S. government: Rent us space on the fence for billboards warning illegal border crossers there is more to fear than the Border Patrol.

The message -in English and Spanish- reads:

“If the Border Patrol Doesn’t Get You, the Chicken and Burgers Will — Go Vegan.”

Why didn’t I ever look at it this way? This is the perfect pitch, on the perfect spot, and right on target: Why risk your life to come here, the cradle of the McSkillet, and leave behind a healthy life of tortillas, beans, rice, tomatillo and cilantro? It just doesn’t make sense!

And while we’re on the subject of vegan stuff, I may add something about avoiding polleros, but I guess they already thought of that.

Cristina Wants You to Eat M&M’s, Then Drink Water

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Barely three weeks after we were told Cristina Saralegui was chosen among a group of Latino celebrities to take part in M&M’s “Inner M” advertising campaign, we find out that Univision’s long-time hostess is now advising Latinos to drink Nestle’s Pure Life bottled water.

“I want to educate Latino moms about the importance of teaching their children healthy habits that will last them a lifetime,” said Saralegui in a press release.

Since Nestle’s campaign is dubbed Vive Sanamente (or Live Healthy,) we can only assume it’s OK for you to stuff yourself with M&M’s, so long as you wash them down with Pure Life bottled water.

A brilliant marketing coup; though if you asked me, I would have rather picked Don Francisco for the water campaign. If one million years on Hispanic TV looking sort of the same (save the dyed hair) are not testament of Pure Life, I don’t know what is.

Oklahoma City Rewards Dieters With Bad Food

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Call me crazy, but I think something is very wrong with the Mayor of Oklahoma City.

In an effort to reward citizens who lose weight under the city’s OKC Million massive diet plan, the Mayor is offering dieters a free Taco Bell Fresco taco (whatever that is -and hopefully not the one pictured above.)

“Oklahoma City residents who have combined to lose more than 100,000 pounds are getting a reward… Taco Bell is giving away free tacos from its Fresco Menu on Tuesday,” according to Reuters.

Not believing my eyes, I rushed to Oklahoma City’s OKC Million Web site to see if Reuters had somehow messed up. Alas, not only the story is accurate but both the diet program and its dedicated Web site are actually sponsored by Taco Bell.

Ay, Chihuahua!

And Now… a Culturally Relevant Padlock!

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Hispanic marketing is a wonderful thing.

Wordlock(R) Inc., a company you’ve never heard of, this week announced the launch of a “culturally relevant” lock; one that embraces “cultural diversity” by introducing the industry’s first combination Spanish-language padlock.

Instead of using ABCDEF etc., the new combination uses … mmm ABCDEF (pronounce these with a Spanish accent), simply because Hispanics have a tremendous purchasing power and therefore we must cater to them! Here’s the the pitch in their own words:

“The locker combinations include four- or five- letter words that can reflect personal interests such as: D-U-L-C-E, V-I-D-A, and friends’ names like L-U-I-S-A.”

And that is because Luisa, in English, is so very different from Luisa in Spanish. See? You gotta understand the difference. Otherwise, you’re just an insensitive, narrow-minded marketer.

Shame on you!

Move Over Margarita. Here’s a Real Latin ‘Abogado’

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Tired of those 1-888-Margarita ads on Spanish-language TV pitching Trolman, Laser & Glitman, defenders of us, defenseless Latinos?

Meet the new abogado in town. Sacha Baron Cohen (left) who brought us Ali G and Borat, will produce and star in the upcoming film Accidentes.

“The protagonist will be a lawyer of Latin descent who transforms from contingency attorney to hero of the working class when he helps an immigrant win a judgment against his wealthy employer after a landscaping mishap. He also becomes the enemy of L.A.’s power elite,” says Variety.

The pic is sure to be hilarious. Not only because Mr. Baron Cohen is going to co-write, but because –just like Obama’s sister– he looks like one of us.

Female Bloggers of the World Undress!

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When it comes to labor possibilities for a female blogger like myself, the sky is the limit.

Today I submitted a request to participate in the first ever Sexy Blogger of the Year contest launched by Playboy magazine. The pitch is too tempting to refuse:

Who are the blogosphere’s sexiest women? We scanned the web for some of our favorite female bloggers from the worlds of finance, entertainment, tech and sex, and we want to know who your favorite is. Vote now and we’ll ask the most click-worthy candidate to pose for Playboy.com.

Oh… but wait a second. I just realized I am NOT on the list, so I guess my chances -unlike my entire physical structure- are slim. But, hey, you can always go there and vote me in! Like the New York lotto people say: You never know!

Busgirl Wanted as Busboy in NYC Chinese Restaurant

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The management of Upper West Side Chinese eatery Hunan Balcony has given up on hiring fellow nationals, and has instead embarked on the hunt for a Spanglish-speaking female busboy.

“Hunan Balcony needs “una busboy.” (Wouldn’t it better to call her a busgirl?… I wonder.)

Pardon the fuzzy picture, but it was hard enough to take, with Hunan Balcony’s management ready to snatch my camera phone upon realizing I was up to nothing good.