Category: Texas

A ‘Latin-Style Fiesta Pet-Parade’ Is Just What 2020 Was Missing

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“OK, I’ll pose, but please don’t put me inside the piñata.”

What would you do to raise funds to help cute little furry friends in these times of crisis? Well, how about hosting a “Latin-style” pet parade and livestream it to the millions of suckers stuck at home trying to avoid getting coronavirus?

That is exactly what the San Antonio Humane Society will be doing on May 2. At approximately 3 p.m. local time, the society will livestream its annual Fiesta fundraising event, which helps raise funds to support local shelters, adoption and care programs in the area.

According to the local press, those who log on for the virtual fun can expect to enjoy a parade of “furry friends modeling sombreros and posing beside papier maché margaritas,” because apparently that’s what pets in San Antonio do.

I’m not sure the below canine looks particularly happy at the prospect of drinking a paper margarita, but then again, I’m not a pet person, so who knows?

“Make it quick, Jen, I feel totally ridiculous.”

Hat tip: Melissa Salas Blair; photos via: San Antonio Express News

Got Milk? Too Bad. This Texas Shop Wants to Know if you Got Papers Instead

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As if things were not already difficult for Hispanics living in America these days, local businesses are now trolling us with a supposedly funny t-shirt that takes a jab at Hispanics by questioning their legal status.

The above t-shirt –that takes a page from the popular Got Milk slogan–was spotted a few days ago in Ebony Mart, a popular shopping stop for Hispanics in Port Arthur, Texas, by local residents who found it outrageous –and definitely not funny.

As of this writing, the store owner had apologized and reportedly stopped selling said t-shirts, which I’m willing to bet are Made in either Mexico or El Salvador, two of America’s main exporters of cotton apparel.  🤷🏽‍♀️

Via: Local 12 News 

 

 

JLo’s 25th Fragrance [Yes, 25th!] Was Inspired by Warren Buffet –for Some Reason

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Not content with making us jealous of her $3,000 coat and being booked to perform at the 2020 Super Bowl’s halftime, Jennifer Lopez (aka Jenny from the Block) is launching her 25th fragrance (yes 25th!) which –according to Lopez and most proably her army of publicists– “represents all the promises we make to ourselves everyday.”

But unlike the 24th previous JLo fragrances, Promise has been inspired by none other than billionaire Warren Buffett:

“About a year or two ago, I was having dinner with Warren Buffet. He told me something that really resonated with me, that a brand is a promise,” she said. “I just feel like everything I put out in the world has to be a promise. We have to have promises to ourselves…I thought it was the perfect time in my life to name a fragrance Promise, because every time we create something new it’s a promise that it’s something that will make your life better, make you feel sexy and beautiful.”

I promise I’ll try your Promise, Jenny, just please promise me I’ll end up looking like this 👇🏽 👇🏽 👇🏽 👇🏽

Monolingual Drunk Berates Woman for Speaking Spanish; He Gets Lectured… in Spanglish

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Another day, another drunken, monolingual moron in America feels threatened by people speaking Spanish around them.

In the latest episode of an increasingly common occurence, a man in El Paso, Texas claiming to be a war veteran goes off on a local woman for speaking Spanish to… her mom.

“This is America… We speak English here! Why don’t you speak English?” says the man, who according to local media, is a war veteran from Wisconsin.

I’m sure the incident was very upsetting for the women, but the exchange quickly turns quite hilarious as the woman’s mother starts yelling back at the man… not in English or Spanish, but in Spanglish.

“Como vas a estar tomando beer in the morning?  Puto!”

The whole exchange is a bit ridiculous (and innecessarily long, if you asked me) but watch it below if you’re so inclined… SIGH.

Via: El Diario La Prensa

I’m no Texan, but Beto Has my Vote

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De la cuenta de Twitter de Beto O’Rourke

Say what you will about Texas (and I say a lot of not-so-nice things) but Democratic congressman Beto O’Rourke not only has a reported 62 percent of the Latino vote in the Texas senate race (vs. Rafael “Ted” Cruz) but he’s like a fan of this blogger’s FAVORITE Mexican band ever. Yes, Los Tigres del Norte have endorsed Beto and Beto and Los Tigres are, like, BFFs now.

Heck! he even tweeted in Spanish, so I’m like, dying here.

For the uninitiated, you can read this New Yorker profile of Los Tigres del Norte or simply click below. This is not the best video out there, but if you’re fortunate enough to understand Spanish, these lyrics are, like, WOW*…

Here’s my humble attempt to translate this song…

They already yelled at me a thousand times
That I must return to my land
Because there’s no room for me here
Well, I want to remind the gringo

I did not cross the border
The border crossed me
America was born free
It was men who divided it

They painted the line
For me to jump and now they call me an invader
It is a well-marked error
They stole eight states from us, who is here the invader?

I am a foreigner in my land
And I do not come to give them war
I am a hard worker

And if history doesn’t lie
Here he sat in the glory, the mighty nation
Among brave warriors
Indians from two continents, mixed with Spanish

And if we go to the centuries
We are more American
We are more American
That the son of Anglo-Saxon

And if the story does not lie
Here he sat in the glory, the mighty nation
I entered brave warriors
Indians from two continents, mixed with Spanish

And if it comes to centuries
We are more American
We are more American
That the sons of Anglo-Saxons

…. etc. etc. etc.

 

Watch Out, Geico! Here Comes El Martillo Tejano

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Who cares if switching to Geico can save you 15 percent or more on car insurance?

If I were to have a car — or live in Texas — (both very unlikely scenarios) I’d totally call Jim Adler, aka El Martillo Tejano, who promises to protect my people (i.e. The Hispanics) from sleazy insurance companies and give us the most compensation possible in case of a car accident.

Watch Adler inform us about his services in the best Gringo-Spanish I’ve heard in a while.

Take it away Jim!

This Mexican Dude Has Changed His Name to Trump –and I Can’t Stop Laughing

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A 34-year-old Mexican-American dude who brands himself “The Undeportable One” is such a fan of you-know-who that he decided to change his surname to… Trump. The move, mind you, was approved by a judge.

According to The Daily Mail:

“Heavily tattooed Ernesto Baeza Acosta filed a petition to change his name to Ernesto Trump, and called on the President to invite him to the White House.”

Apparently this dude is also into making videos (see one below) and in a recent one you can see him proudly saying:

“You can call me the undeportable one, you can call me the President’s son or you can call me Ernesto Trump.”

Oh, and just in case you were wondering: All this happened in — where else? — TEXAS!

Anyhow, I’m like super busy but must keep laughing…..

Via: DailyMail, what else?

Texas Protesters to Rep. Matt Rinaldi: ‘No Guacamole for You!’

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Take that, Rinaldi!

Hispanics might have found the perfect way to make politicians think twice before taking away their rights and/or implement some BS anti-immigration legislation: Cut down their salsa *and* guacamole supply.

That was in full display earlier this week in Austin, when dozens of Hispanics protested outside state Rep. Matt Rinaldi’s office after he threatened to “put a bullet in one of his colleague’s head” during a scuffle over SB 4, the state’s new anti-“sanctuary cities” law.

But that was not all. According to several press reports, Rinaldi also told Texas democrats in the House that he had called ICE officials on Hispanic activists and wanted them all deported and stuff.

This, of course, didn’t sit well with my people, who retaliated with the most powerful tool at their disposal: By pledging to cut down the supply of salsa, guacamole and other delicious “Hispanic goods” to offending legislators.

So… U.S. politicians have been properly warned: They’d better think twice before messing with Latinos. It’ll be, like, No salsa, No Guacamole for YOU!

Hat tip: Melissa Salas Blair

Texans Want to Make Tacos the National Food of Texas. I’m Totally Cool with that, But…

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tacostexas

A new change.org petition wants Texans to embrace the taco as a new official state symbol, because — as everybody knows — the taco is a waaaay more diverse dish than chili, the state dish of Texas since 1977. (Think about it: You can actually put chili in a tortilla and… call it a taco!)

So, yes, I’m 100 percent behind these folks’ claims about the wonderfulness of tacos (how could I not be?) but before I sign this petition, I just have a quick question:

When are we (the Mexicans) expected to get the state back?**

Via: Dallas Morning News 

Photo: Tacos of Texas/Facebook

** Thank you in advance for your prompt response

Does Donald Trump Like ‘Frijoles?’ We Might Soon Find Out

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FrijoleraPizzaPatron

We now know many more things about Donald Trump (aka El Trumpo) than we ever needed to know. But one thing is still not clear. Does the billionaire like frijoles?

We might soon find out.

Dallas-based Pizza Patrón will be asking this question to Mr. Trump during his Dallas visit scheduled for Monday, Sept. 14, in which he will also be invited to pick up a Pizza Frijolera at a nearby restaurant.

Should Mr. Trump decide to comply, he’ll be in for a real treat:

According to Pizza Patrón officials, local residents are being asked to write a special message on the box that will contain El Trumpo’s warm and delicious bean-based pizza (Frijolera.)

And because this blogger can’t wait to see such a display of love & warmth, she is hereby joining the cause and asking El Trumpo to please comply and pay a visit to Pizza Patrón. Heck! They even accept pesos!