Here’s Your Chance to See Jorge Ramos in Tanga! Well, Maybe Not

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As soon as I heard the news of Univision launching a summer campaign featuring its entire talent, I grabbed a mojito and a good pair of reading glasses, ready to see for the first time a scantily-clad news anchor…man.

Alas, while there’s plenty of skin shown by the likes of Chiquinquirá Delgado, Patricia Espinoza, Karla Martinez and Bárbara Bermudo, Jorge Ramos appears not only fully-clothed, but wearing a long sleeve shirt, a pair of jeans and shoes. Shoes!

Come on, Univision! Can you for once think about us girls?

P.S. I did notice that Raúl de Molina and Don Francisco also appear fully clothed… and I will ever be grateful for that.

Pro-life Latinos Just as Scary as Pro-life Non-Latinos

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If you thought the most dangerous place for a Latino was Arizona or a meatpacking plant in Minnesota, think again. According to Latino organization Unidos por la Vida the most dangerous place for a Latino is, well, in the womb of their evil mamitas.

The not-so-obscure organization has the support of Texas Governor, Rick Perry, and is endorsed by some Latino luminaries, including Emmanuel, Verónica Castro, Karyme Lozano and Leticia Calderón, who are expected to show up at some kind of pay-per-view event June 12 in Los Angeles. Also, according to Fox News Latino, they are planning a media blitzkrieg featuring the billboard above.

Ay, caramba!

Clorox Wants You to Know Cleaning is ‘Rite of Passage’ for Latinas

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I always knew my mom was onto something truly cultural every time she scolded me and my sisters about our messy rooms. Thanks to Clorox now I know this was nothing but a rite of passage; something grandmothers and mothers do to keep our Latinoness -not necessarily our cleaningness– in check.

According to a Clorox press release:

A new study, which explored the housekeeping lessons and cleaning routines shared between generations of Latinas, also revealed that cleaning is a rite of passage, taught by mothers and grandmothers and meant to influence present-day routines and brand choices.

Man, it’s all coming back to me now! I kind of remember begging my mom not only the perfect quinceañera, but for a 2-liter-bottle of Clorox that I could eventually pass on to future generations. How culturally relevant we all were back then!

Puerto Ricans Offended by Coor’s Light Ad. This Blogger Offended by Bad Beer

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UPDATED: It didn’t take long. Coor’s Light late Thursday decided to pull the Emborícuate campaign. Uy ni aguantan nada!

As if New Yorkers didn’t have enough worries, with the Weinergate at its peak (no pun intended) and all, now we have to put up with yet another ridiculous controversy: Turns out many Puerto Ricans interviewed by a local TV station are pissed about a Coor’s Light ad featuring the copy “Emborícuate,” apparently because they say it sounds a lot like “Emborráchate” (Get Wasted)

I find it odd that this ad campaign, now in its third year, is drawing the ire of New Yorkers right now. Perhaps is the hot weather, or the fact that our city is rapidly becoming the world’s capital of sin. Who knows? In any case, this blogger -not a boricua herself- is more offended by watery beer than by any advertising copy.

Just one thing though: What’s with the line about “La celebración de la parada”? Are we back to the Weiner story? I am confused!

Kraft Wants More Hispanics to Drink their Kool Aid

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It is a good thing there are now more than 50.1 million Hispanics in this country, so that companies unable to grow their brands among healthy-minded Americans can now turn to the so-called minorities to peddle their fast foods and sugary drinks.

Take Kraft’s Kool Aid, which this month announced it will devote most of its advertising budget against U.S. Hispanics.

According to the New York Times:

Kool-Aid, in a first for any Kraft brand, has allocated the majority of its 2011 marketing budget to reach Hispanics. Television commercials that began running this week on networks including Univision and Telemundo feature families drinking the beverage at festive occasions.

The Spanish-language pitch goes beyond the convenience of dissolving some powder in your glass of water. Kool Aid, says this advertisement, will actually help your children have fun…. And if everything goes according to plan, they will soon qualify to take part on the upcoming Hispanic version of The Biggest Loser.

Starz to Launch Hispanic Net, NOT Called ‘Estrellaz’

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Turns out everybody now wants a piece of the U.S. Hispanic market. And the latest to join the craze is Starz Entertainment, which today announced the launch of Encore en Español, an all Spanish-language version of its premium Encore movie channel.

According to Multichannel News, which first broke the news, the new net will be called Encore Español and not –as this blogger would have hoped– “Estrellaz”

In any case, the network will launch in August and it is expected to mirror the content on the 33 million- subscriber Encore channel, but with Spanish-language audio.

¡Síganlo los Buenos! Chespirito is on Twitter

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I guess it is never too late to start tweeting. Take 82-year-old Roberto Gómez Bolaños (aka Chespirito) who on May 28 sent out a very amusing first tweet ever:

“Hi, I am Chespirito. I am 82 years old and this is the first time I tweet. ¡Síganme los buenos!

Barely a day after that first tweet, Chespirito has already amassed over 206,000 followers, this blogger included of course!

(Not bad for a guy who has been killed several times already by the Twitterati.)

¡Bienvenido, pues!

Univision’s Nastassja Bolívar is Proof that You Can be Beautiful and Read Books, Consult Dictionaries

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Nastassja Bolivar, the winner of Univision’s Nuestra Belleza Latina 2011 contest is proof that no matter how statuesque you are, there is always time for literature and language learning.

Throughout the competition, Bolivar had to grapple with a huge obstacle: Her lack of fluency in Spanish.

But she is doing something about it, holding books and dictionaries wherever she goes.

Watch her pose for the cameras while holding what looks to be The RAE Dictionary.

Congratulations, Nastassja! As your new employer would say: Es el momento

Arnie’s Mistress Not Really into Hispanic People

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With all the talk about the gazillions of dollars The Governator (aka as The Fornicator) will have to pay for his imminent divorce, few people have paid attention on yet a more interesting debate going on behind the scenes of this Hispanic-Austrian-Californian telenovela (Californication?)

Turns out Arnold’s mistress Mildred Baena does not really like Hispanics.

In fact, she apparently goes around telling people that white people are better, and –judging from this undated picture– she thinks Santa Claus rules and the Reyes Magos suck.

Say what you will about Mrs. Baena, but at least she is consistent with her preferences. What better way to show you really, really hate U.S. Hispanics (i.e. yourself) than sleeping with Arnold Schwarzenegger?

That’s one consistent self-hating Latina!

Heineken Helps Mexicans Reunite with Old Friends in Tarrytown, NY

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Tarrytown is not a place that immediately springs to mind as a Latino hotbed. But I was pleasantly surprised this weekend to find out the U.S. population has exploded in and around Westchester County.

Of course, most Latinos are still doing the gardening, cooking, cleaning and the like, but heck! you gotta start somewhere. At least, Mexicans can now get re-acquainted with two old friends from back home, Chela & Helodia, which I can safely say are mostly recognizable only among my people.

Cristina Saralegui Thanks Don Johnson for the Opportunity to Work at Telemundo: LOL

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OK this is one of those situations in which you had to be there to enjoy the moment… Fortunately for you, readers, I was there, when Cristina Saralegui took to the state at the Telemundo upfront this week in Manhattan to bitch about Univision for quite some time and then profusely thank Don Johnson for giving her the opportunity to host a new show on Telemundo.

“The tiny terror is back,” Cristina told a crowd of 1,200 at the American Museum of Natural History in New York City Tuesday night. “Thank you, Don Johnson, for the opportunity.”

I want to believe Mrs. Saralegui meant to say Don Browne, as in the president of Telemundo… but who knows?

I’ll never be able to fully understand these Miami people.