It’s Cinco de Mayo! Time to Mix Drinks That Make no Sense

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LimeARita

I hate Cinco de Mayo in the U.S., not so much because it’s a reminder of how clueless people are about Mexican history, but because it is also the time to market some of the stupidest, senseless food & drink concoctions of all times.

Well, actually I think Bud Light’s Lime-A-Rita and Straw-Ber-Rita are kind of OK. The name is cute and hopefully the mix will give a little taste to such a tasteless beer. But Corona’s “CoronaRita” wins the prize of the silliest, most senseless concoction (and moniker) ever.

coronaRita2

Really, Corona? CoronaRita?

Just in Time for Cinco de Mayo: Taco Bell Eatery Will Serve Mexican Car Bombs

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ImageSpeaking of Mexican things that make no sense, this blog’s Gringo West Coast Correspondent just informed me that Taco Bell is testing a restaurant concept that -among other things- will be serving Mexican Car Bombs.

See? I had to learn about this by a non-Mexican person, because last time I checked, my people had no idea that a Mexican Car Bomb is simply a vanilla shake with Guinness, tequila caramel sauce and chocolate flakes.

The concoction is sure to please those already clueless enough to believe Cinco de Mayo is Mexico’s celebration of Independence and just one more excuse to stuff themselves with made-believe Mexican fare.

So, go ahead. Visit U.S. Taco Co., get bombed and puleeeze  stay away from real Mexicans.

Click below for a quick trip to some of the silliest Cinco de Mayo gimmicks.

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There is a Network of ‘Expert Latinos’ Connecting People with Latino Experts -or Something

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ExpertLatinos

Go figure.

I just found out there is an online collective of “Expert Latinos” called -ahem- Expert Latinos, which is already providing “expert Latino advice” to publications including El Diario la Prensa, Cosmopolitan Latina and La opinión. Per a press release:

Expert Latinos is an English-language tool that helps connect journalists and bloggers with Latino Experts.

I’m not quite sure if Expert Latinos is made up of mostly Latino Professionals or Professional Latinos, but I promise to find out. In the meantime, here’s their video-pitch.

Oscar Mayer Uses Image of a Flasher to Peddle Cold Cuts to Hispanics

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oscarmayer

Call me crazy, but when it comes to marketing sausages, chicken breast, bologna and other cold cuts, using the image of a flasher is not exactly a terrific idea.

I found the above Oscar Mayer ad in the latest issue of People en Español and while I was shocked to see an exhibicionista just there, exposing himself I was relieved to see he was “exhibiting” slices of turkey breast and not a giant wiener. Phew!

Photo: Laura Martínez (from People en Español)

Wiener-Snapshot

Dating a Latina Will Make you Fat [and Other Insights from Univision’s Millennial Channel]

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DatingALatinaUnivision

Looks like Univision decided NOT to listen to me, so it went ahead to launch Flama, an English-language video channel, which according to ADWEEK, has “an eye on Hispanics between ages 15 and 30,” (aka Hispanic millennials.)

The channel, which is being sponsored by condom maker Trojan and Big Mac maker McDonald’s, features videos on comedy, music, lifestyle and sports.

The following video -inexplicably tagged as comedy- is a 4-minute-plus rant about what non-Latinos should expect from dating a Latina. And no, you don’t have to spend 4:09 minutes of your life watching it.

I watched it entirely, so you don’t have to and here’s the gist of it:

  • Latinas are crazy
  • Dating a Latina will make you fat (even if they cook with Mazola)
  • We love to cook tamales and pozole and quesadillas
  • If you are going to be in a relationship with a Latina, you should consider joining  Weight Watchers
  • We [Latinas] are clingy
  • We are like your probation officer but with sex -and frijoles

Or, you can watch… But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

 

 

 

 

 

This Company Wants me to Celebrate ‘Cinco de Mayo’ by Tattooing My ‘Ta-Tas’

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tatas

Temporary breast tattoo company TaTaToos is so excited about Cinco de Mayo, it has come up with a culturally-relevant line of tattoos that promise to make your holiday -what else?- spicier.

I’m not sure what’s more depressing; if saying “tatas” instead of tetas, or having you celebrate the Battle of Puebla by imprinting some Spanish-language copy on your chest.

In any case, here’s part of the pitch from the original press release:

Make your Cinco de Mayo HOT this year with Ta*ta*toos – temporary tattoos that last up to 5 – 7 days. They are perfect to apply lower on the chest to ensure discreetness when wearing apparel and can be removed with household rubbing alcohol in less than 30 seconds!

I don’t think I’ll be celebrating a Mexican holiday by putting a tattoo on my “tatas…” Still, that part about rubbing alcohol on them sounds quite enticing.