Why I Will Never Identify with Disney’s ‘Latina’ Princess

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I was totally going to pass on the whole “Disney has a Latino princess” “news.” But then I saw the “outrage” coming out from Latino-defense groups, including the Latino Coalition of Latino Groups that Defend Latino Things and Get Totally Pissed at Latino things on Mainstream Media… and other similar outlets.

The last straw came when NBC News’ Natalie Morales came out to say that she totally feels identified by Sofía, which made me get up from my afternoon siesta and take a stand, literally.

I feel duped. How on Earth am I supposed to feel identify with Sofía if, –according to Disney’s executives themselves– she is half-Enchancian and half-Galdizian, and I’m only half-chilanga and half-tapatía?

Can somebody please explain?

Maricopa Invites Hispanics to Vote … on November 8

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Call it a Freudian slip or a legitimate “mistake.” But this blogger thinks this is just part of a bigger, evil plan for Brewer y sus secuaces to leave Latinos out of this election.

According to CNN:

Arizona’s Maricopa county listed the wrong date in the Spanish version of voter registration cards. Instead of November 6, the Spanish translation said the election would take place on November 8.

Ay caramba!

Univision’s New Logo Looks Like my Eyeglass Case

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Univision this week announced the upcoming launch of a new corporate logo and image, an announcement so huge, it made the company’s CEO Randy Falco join Twitter.

According to a Univision statement, the new logo:

“Signifies its growth and transformation, and celebrates the culture of innovation built over the company’s 50-year history.”

I have no idea what any of this means, but I am starting to suspect these people were so jealous of my new glass case (in full display during my Queens interview with Don Francisco,) they decided to go with it, and since they’re powerful and stuff, there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Oh well… You, readers, be the judges.

Disney Thinks Latinos Like to Dance Cumbia While in Disney

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Last time I checked, Latino families and their multiple mocosos loved to go to the Magic Kingdom of Disney to sing, dance and ride along with their non-Hispanic counterparts. But as a gesture to its growing Hispanic clientele, Disney Latino has produced a super-terrific, culturally-relevant video celebrating Hispanic Heritage.

I personally prefer this other Disney-themed cumbia.

But, heck, that’s me!

hat tip: @latinorebels

Harry Reid Really Cares About the Latino Vote; Uses Piñatas as Background to Prove it

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CNN on Sunday Oct. 7 will premiere Latino in America: Courting their vote, a documentary on the Latino outreach efforts by Democrats and Republicans.

The promo features an interview with U.S. Senator Harry Reid, who goes on about how important the Latino vote is for the Democrats in Nevada, and yada-yada-yada. To prove it, the Senator poses among a bunch of sandías, melones and colorful piñatas, including one in the form of a huge Corona bottle at the local Cárdenas supermarket.

How sweet! He reminds me of Mitt and Conchita.

¡Ajúa!

Latinos are so Lazy, they Won’t Even Auto-Deport: Colbert

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Jorge Ramos this week was in New York City to receive an EMMY award alongside his long-time co-anchor María Elena Salinas. But he also took the time to visit the set of The Colbert Report, where he was hilariously hammered on the topic of immigration, deportation and Mitt Romney’s mexicanness.

Watch Colbert ask Jorge tons of questions (using upside-down question marks, naturally.)

Watch it here or click on the photo above

‘Cosmopolitan’ Wants you to Know Latin Sex is Spicier than Regular Sex

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Wanna know what’s worse than 50 Shades of Grey? A Cosmpolitan for Latinas review of 50 Shades of Grey.

Written by Ariel Nagi, the review aims at giving a “Latin twist” to the inexplicably Best-Selling book about bondage and spanking. Why? Well, because, as Jezebel cleverly points out, the author of this piece of shit notes that author E. L. James’s mother is Chilean. Duh!

Haven’t read the review yet? Here’s what you’re missing!

Scenario: Talk dirty…before sex. Christian and Anastasia send naughty emails to each other.

The Latino Way: Keep it old school and leave him a post-it note prepping him for what’s to come later tonight. Don’t get too sucia though, say something cute and witty like “pensando en ti” or if you want to get just a little sexier tell him you’ll be thinking of his hot body all day.

¡Ay, dios mío!

via: Jezebel

Venezuelan Chef Helps Taco Bell Pitch Make-Believe Mexican Food to Clueless Americans

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In an effort to try to convince people that it can actually make non-bad food, Taco Bell has launched a healthy, Hispanic-looking menu, incomprehensibly appropriately dubbed Cantina Bell, featuring a series of ‘innovative’ meals including a cantina bowl (salad with chicken) a cantina burrito (a burrito) and chips & slides (totopos, guacamole, etc.)

Yeah, yeah… But before you go all judgemental and crappy like this blogger, let me tell you these recipes are the creation of a truly real Hispanic person of non-Mexican origin: Chef Lorena García, a proud Venezuelan whose cooking credentials hail from France, Italy, Japan, Korea, Thailand and China.

Watch Chef Lorena tell you why she totally clicked with Taco Bell and how Taco Bell represents her sazón and other entertaining facts like that. [All this in a wonderful Spanish accent that will make Sofía and Salma Hayek salad-green with envy.]

So… Romney Got a Fake Tan to Look Like These People?

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Unless you live under a tanning bed rock, you’ve surely read by now all about the alleged fake tan sported by Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney at this week’s Meet the Candidate forum on Univision. [Or, as Wonkette put it so appropriately: How Romney donned a brown face “to appear on forum with Mexicans.”

The potential of a ‘spraytanned Romney’ was so hilarious, that many failed to see the irony behind the effort. I think it doesn’t matter if Mr. Romney’s tan was fake or actually real as Univision/ABC later reported. The funniest thing to this blogger is how -with or without a tan- Mr. Romney would have been the darkest of the three people onstage.

Mr. Romney’s advisers would be well advised to watch more Spanish-language TV to see what television Latinos actually look like.

[Watching a telenovela like this one wouldn’t hurt either.]

Turns Out Barack Obama Drives Us, Latinas, Crazy!

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I know most mainstream media outlets would frown upon the very idea of posting the below video to illustrate this story. But… this blogger couldn’t help making a connection between Wilfrido Vargas’ famous anthem and the recent figures showing Latino women political preferences…

According to a poll published today by impreMedia and Latino Decisions…

“Latina voters plan to vote for President Obama by a margin of 74% to 21% for Romney – a 53 point gap.  Among Latino men, 61% plan to vote for Obama and 32% for Romney…” 

Ay, Dios mío, pass me the abanico, pronto!

Hat tip: Vanessa Morales 

Gringos, Latinos, They All Failed Remezcla’s ‘Mexi-Quizz’

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So Remezcla took to the streets of New York to quiz Latinos –and non-Latinos– on Mexican culture.

This is what they had to say.

This blogger was not the least surprised nor shocked at the sheer ignorance of the interviewees in the above video. Some previous research before had threw some light on perceptions of Americans on yet another Mexican holiday: Cinco de Mayoouuu!

How to Make ‘Albondígas’ con Chopote [i.e. Chipotle]

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I do not know where I had been hiding, but I cannot believe I didn’t know anything about the Hispanic Food Network. Until now.

Watch Mike Gonzalez here tell you how “albondígas con chopote” [sic] are very close to our Mexican hearts and other culturally-relevant wonders.

The Mexican music in the background is PRICELESS. I hope you people would appreciate it as much as I did.

Yummy!

Univision Launches ‘Psychic Franchise,’ Because Hispanics are into Psychics and Stuff Like that

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While you were busy watching the Republican and Democratic conventions, Hispanic media powerhouse, Univision Communications, launched Antahkarana, an “esoteric, mystical franchise” featuring none other than Victor Florencio (aka “El niño prodigio.)

The reason is plain and simple:

“Hispanics have demonstrated a deep fascination for spirituality and astrology,” said Rick Alessandri, a senior vp at Univision Communications, and very likely a non-Hispanic, who couldn’t care less about psychic advice.

Antahkarana includes a daily TV segment featuring astrological and psychic advice; a digital presence on univision.com/antahkarana and a toll calling hotline for fans to connect with psychic advisors.

Watch “El niño prodigio” in action and be ready for your mystical immersion.