Still Can’t Cut a Damn Avocado? The Flexicado is Here to Help

Undeterred by the imminent danger posed by life-threatening avocados, non-Mexican hipsters simply refuse to give up their fascination with avo-toast (i.e. pan con aguacate) and other nonsensical avo-related things. So, they have come up with a solution…

I give you the Flexicado, an “avocado slicer” that will fit all sizes of avocados and –hopefully– will put an end to avocado-related injuries.

Filing this under #PinchesHipsters

Hat tip: San Francisco avocado correspondent Jessica Dolcourt

Americans are Putting Avocado on a Stick and I’m Screaming

Was this really necessary?

The short answer is no, but it seems like Americans in general –and millennials in particular– continue to find ways to ruin everything.

According to an unnecessarily long article, this thing was conceived by some dude in Vermont to help his fellow Americans, who continue to suffer from Avocado Hand, a potentially devastating malaise affecting an increasing number of non-Mexican people, specifically those who have no idea how to cut an avocado.

“They warn that putting avocado on a slice of bread is complicated and implies a danger, because in the United States some people have been injured trying to split an avocado, so they say that, with this presentation, enjoy the ‘green gold’ is simple and delicious.”

Oh, and don’t get me started on the plastic…

Via: Milenio

The Avocado Toast Sneakers are Here, Because Hipsters are Determined to Ruin Everything

Not content with having ruined meals –and jacked up the price of avocados to ridiculous levels– American hipsters are at it again; this time with a plan to ruin footware as well.

Yes, my friends, according to multiple reports, the “Saucony Originals Shadow 6000 Avocado Toast sneakers” are here for a price I can only guess will be as high as an “avocado toast.”

I’m kind of busy right now, but I’ll be filing this under the #PinchesHipsters and #StupidPropositions categories… and then proceed to jump out the window.

Via: Footwear News

Do you Like Hummus but *Love* Avocado? The Guacammus is Here!

Crazy Fresh!

Crazy Fresh Products, a company that guarantees “fresh-cut and ready-to-eat veggies and salsas,” has concocted the Guacammus, a blend of guacamole and hummus that is sure to make hipster-millennials salivate.

This thing was last seen at a local store for $5.99 –and yes, this is what it actually looks like.

If Guacammus is not for you, these people are also peddling Picomole, Apple Salsa and Cranberry Salsa among other atrocities, because why the hell not?

Hat tip: @lechancle