Mexicans Stealing the Wall is Everyone’s Favorite Story of 2019

Hey, Mexicans are securing their walls with stolen razor wire –paid by Americans

I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. Turns out Mexicans at the U.S. border are literally stealing the razor wire put there by Trump officials to beef up security and selling it to local residents for as little as $2 (“40 pesitos, marchanta!“)

According to The Guardian, residents of barrios abutting the border told XETW 12 television in Tijuana that entrepreneurial individuals have offered to sell them the stolen concertina wire and install it for just 40 pesos per home – barely $2.

The bad news is that people are already been arrested for stealing concertina wire along the border, BUT on the upside, this is already the favorite story of some high-profile media people, including –of course– yours truly. HA HA HA HA (or as we say in Mexicou: JA JA JA JA JA.)

Via: The Guardian

Woman Running DHS Says Replacing Current Sections of Border Wall Counts as New Wall 🙄

Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen this week met with reporters to mumble something about Trump’s Big Beautiful Wall (TBBW.)

In a nutshell, Ms. Nielsen wants us to know is that expanding and/or enhancing Obama’s border fence should count as a new wall, because that’s how this administration rolls. I don’t really know what the hell she’s talking about, but it doesn’t matter either because nothing makes any sense anymore.

WATCH. Weep. Do NOT repeat.

Donald Trump Goes to the U.S.-Mexico Border. Hilarity Ensues

President Trump had the “brilliant” idea to visit San Diego to inspect several design prototypes for his proposed wall along the U.S.-Mexico border.

As I’m writing this, Mr. Trump was still at the border meeting with border patrol officers and wall-enthusiasts, so this post is only a taste of what’s to come.

Please check back later, as this post will be updated throughout the day with some of the most hilarious reactions to the visit, including –ahem, ahem– my very own (because, really, if I don’t laugh at my own jokes, who will?)

These people…

Go do something useful…

The Mexicans are OK

El Bisnes es el Bisnes

And the funniest thing that started it all!😂😂

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsPhoto via Reuters

Trump Wants His Border Wall to be Transparent, so People Don’t Get Hit on the Head with Flying Drugs

Who would want to be hit on the head with one of these?

Mr. Donald Trump is a very creative fellow, so it shouldn’t surprise you to know he has come up with an awesome idea for that U.S.-Mexican wall he will build and my people will pay for it: He wants to it to be transparent… The reason?

Here’s how the president actually explained this to journalists:

“As horrible as it sounds, when they throw large sacks of drugs over, and if you have people on the other side of the wall, you don’t see them. […] They hit you on the head with 60 pounds of stuff? It’s over.”

Wow! It’s all so simple, yet brilliant! And I’m glad to have such a thoughtful leader in charge of the free world.

Gracias, Señor Presidente!

Ted Cruz Wants ‘El Chapo’ to Pay for Trump’s Border Wall with his Many, Many Chapo Monies

I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

The big news this week coming from the always brilliant Republicans is The Chapo Act, a proposal by — who else? — Cuban American dimwit Ted Cruz to have Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán to pay for a border wall.

But why? Well, because you don’t know this but El Chapo has many, many monies; more specifically, $14 billion in what look like beautifully crafted bills featuring his bald mugshot.

Here’s the original tweet sent out earlier this week by Cruz himself, just so you can see how hard it would be to make this sh*t up!

As I asked yesterday, shouldn’t a Chapo Act be an initiative to build tunnels and NOT walls?

But I get it. This is the Trump Administration, so nothing makes any sense anymore and we’re just going to have to go with it.

Take it away Golum!

Stephen Colbert Calls Mexico about Paying for Trump’s Huge, Beautiful Border Wall

Stephen Colbert on Friday compiled a team of experts — including an architect, an interior designer and a “concrete guy” — to come up with some rough estimates for Trump’s “big, strong, powerful, yuuuuge” wall.*

After concluding that the wall would have to be at least 100 feet tall, require at least 12,000 skilled laborers and result in roughly 4,800 casualties, Colbert put in a call to the Mexican consulate to see if Mexicans would foot the bill.

Just WATCH:

*Reminder: Trump has about 3 years and 11 months to complete construction if he wants to keep his campaign promise.

 

Tecate Capitalizes on Trump’s Stupid Idea with Stupider Idea

At least we know who will pay for 'The Wall'
At least we know who will pay for ‘The Wall’

Making fun of Mr. Trump’s idiotic idea for a U.S.-Mexico border wall has become a national sport –and the subject of some questionable marketing tactics.

The latest example is this ad for Tecate Light, which aired Monday night during the first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald [the crazy] Trump. In a nutshell, Tecate proposes building its own wall — but it’s not yuuuge, but small enough to rest a beer on for a neighborly chat between gringos and Mexicans.

The tagline: This wall is going to be small but it’s going to be huge. Watch and decide for yourself: Which is the worst idea: Trump’s or Tecate’s?