This Gringo Is so Mexican, He Drinks Victoria Beer

gregorioThere is nothing that annoys me more than Americans thinking they know Mexico and Mexican culture because they like to drink Corona beer.

Fortunately, there’s one gringo who knows there are alternatives, including Victoria beer, the only cerveza this blogger likes. See? No matter how much this guy sucks at everything “Mexican;” all he needs to do is drink a non-Corona beer (in this case a Victoria) to pass as a real Mexican among the dudes.

Here’s the latest spot for Victoria beer, featuring the hilarious El Corrido de Greg, with music by my cuates of Mixto Music.

¡Ajúa, pinches gringos!

Via: Victoria Beer on Facebook

Here’s a Fiesta Arch to go with your Mexican ‘Scene-Setters’

FiestaArchRemember the 5-feet-tall Mexican scene-setters? Well, now you can make your Mexican fiesta even more Mexican (as if that was even possible) by setting up a Personalized Mexican Fiesta Arch.

This beauty is not cheap, ¡no, señor! It will cost you a good $109.99 online. But don’t despair! The Personalized Fiesta Arch “has the look of a brick wall along with maracas, sombreros, chili peppers and guitar accents.” Plus. It ships in only one day, so why wait for Cinco de Mayo?

In case you’re still not sold on this stupid awesome deal, check this out: The Fiesta Arch “can be personalized with two lines of your own custom text.”

So hurry! I’ve already placed my order with a two line legend that reads:

¡Órale, gringo! Me querer mucho tequila! ¡Arriba, arriba, ándale, ándale! 

Hey, Gringo, Get Ready to Print your Own Cinco de Mayo Kit!

Let's print some guacamole containers, shall we?
Let’s print some guacamole containers, shall we?

Cinco de Mayo (aka this blogger’s favorite faux holiday) is just around the corner, and this year — with the explosion of Twitter, Snapchat, Periscope, Instagram and the like — the marketing furor promises to be crazier than ever before. Muy loco, indeed!

Stay tuned for this blog’s full “coverage” of this year’s non-Mexican holiday. In the meantime, take a look at this kit offered by Paper & Cake and start printing your own fiesta kit.

¡Ajúa!

Some Dude Claims to be an Expert in ‘Double-Decker Tacos’

Tyler Kord (right) is an expert double-decker-tacos (whatever those are)
Tyler Kord (right) is an expert double-decker-tacos (whatever those are)

You might not know who Tyler Kord is, but according to The Cooking Channel, Tyler Kord is the go-to dude for making double-decker-tacos, an abnormal concoction, which I’m sure is very popular in Tyler Kord’s kitchen and among Tyler Kord’s friends and readers of Tyler Kord’s cooking books.

¡Dios mío!
¡Dios mío!

But what on heavens is a double-decker-taco? … Well, I am glad you asked, because that is the very question being asked by the host of  The Cooking Channel: Basically, a double-decker taco is a tortilla wrapped in a hard-shell “taco” using black bean hummus as glue.

And why would anyone do that?

Because, as everybody knows, the world is coming to an end, we’re all close to extinction and nothing makes sense anymore.

Watch the following video below (WARNING: IT’S 5 MINUTES LONG) cringe, but –more importantly– do not try this at home.

Sombrero tip: @Bathtubmedia

Unshocking Revelation: Gringos Think Mexico is Unsafe

If you survived Black Friday and managed not to be trampled by some lunatic mob at your local Walmart, chances are you’re already planning your Christmas vacation. But if you are like the average American whimp person, it is very likely Mexico is not among your top ten winter destinations.

According to the most recent survey coming out from the land obsessed with surveys, 72% of Americans think Mexico is unsafe, and not because they fear they will go into a cardiac arrest for gulping down tons of cheap tequila in Cancún. They are mostly concerned about being shot by some druglord as soon as they set foot at the airport.

But weary Americans should not despair, and instead thank the nation’s undocumented and documented Hispanic immigrants for the latest trend in U.S. tourism: Latin American cultural immersion trips in the comfort of your own city.

¡Sí, señor! Latinos are using the neighborhoods we’ve taken away from gringos to lure them back, and invite them to get a taste of our fun, dance, food and drink-filled culture. And no, you don’t need to get a passport, nor take a malaria pill. And -more importantly- chances of surviving are actually at a healthy 95%

So, what are you waiting for? Come enjoy U.S. Latin America without the dangers and annoyances of the real Latin America.