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Tag: Latinas
BREAKING: Latinas in Paris are as Hot as Latinas Everywhere!
These señoritas are hotter than hot, and they will be available for your viewing –and dancing– pleasure the night of December 31, 2017 at El Zapateo Latino, a Parisian Latin bôite in the heart of the Quartier Latin.
Oui, oui… ¡ajúa!
Photos: Laura Martínez, Paris, Dec. 2017
Going to Vegas? Look out for a Trio of Latina Swindlers
It took me a while to realize this was not an ad touting the latest Latina-escort service, but a regular daytime TV commercial to entice you to Visit Las Vegas.
Watch as a trio of apparently-innocent señoritas set out to trick a bunch of gringos into believing that they just arrived and it’s their first time in Vegas.
Psssst: It’s NOT!
Hat tip: Marco Lopez
‘Latinas for Trump’ Want to Trade their President for Trump –or Something
Yes, there is a group called Latinas for Trump and, yes, they like to look red hot and seriously think America can be made great again. OK, that’s great, but, as the group readies an important gathering in –where else? — South Florida, they will be well-advised to proofread their Spanish-language messages.
Last time I checked, the Spanish translation of Trump for President was “Trump para presidente,” and not “por.” But perhaps as my smart pants Twitter buddy Colin Docherty says, they might just want to trade their president for Trump. For some reason.
Who knows?
According to Some ‘Bovine Writer,’ there are 14 Species of Latinas in the U.S. [Can you Guess Where I Belong?]
Some “writer” in the United States has written Chicaspotting: A Field Guide to Latinas of the United States, a $17.99 “book” that promises to help gringos “find and identify the right Latina to date, love or marry.”
I’m going to spare you the details of this thing, but let’s say in a nutshell that — according to this aptly-named Bovino fellow — there are 14 SPECIES of us (i.e. Latinas of the United States). Fourteen, people, fourteen. Among them:
- SYMMETRICAL FORCE (Colombian American): Butt size varies, but breast implants are practically a rite of passage and she likes ‘em BIG.
- TRIFECTA (Venezuelan American): Routinely causes an erection lasting more than 4 hours, but neediness, jealousy, and controlling behavior – a real “trifecta” of drama – occasionally spoil the mood.
- TACO BELLE (Mexican American): Warm and cuddly as a teddy bear but (somewhat) shy around strangers, especially gringos.
- TRANSFORMER (Cuban American): If her breasts are large enough to match her hips and butt, she can be a Latin Jessica Rabbit, but too much Cuban food or too many kids and she’ll transform into Rosie O’Donnell right before your eyes.
Mr. Bovino fails to identify this blogger, but I can assure him after I review this thing on Amazon, he’d like to call my species THE MEXICAN AMAZON RATINGS KILLER.
[SIGH]
Hat tip: The Flama
Latinas Have Hot & Steamy Relationships with Their Coffee
Not content with launching a “Latin-inspired” line of products featuring a hot & steamy abuela and producing its own telenovela, Coffee Mate is back on its “hot steamy” theme, this time in the form of a short video featuring a Latina having way too much pleasure with her coffee.
Is this supposed to be a plug for the equally pathetic 50 Shades of Gray or what is this thing exactly?
¿Será amor? Pues así se siente. https://t.co/t2ETXmFIa0
— Coffee-mate (@Coffee_mate) febrero 6, 2015
Hat tip: Julio Varela
Dear NAHJ: I Love the ‘Ñ’ But… Was this Really Necessary?
The National Association of Hispanic Journalists (NAHJ) will be soon hosting its Latinas in Media Conference in New York City, which I’m sure it will be interesting and all.
As a former member of your great organization, I hope you don’t mind my asking: Was that senseless “ñ” really necessary?
HINT: No
‘People en Español’ Picks 25 Most Powerful Latinas. Shockingly, I’m NOT One of Them
After years of not including this blogger in its list of the world’s most beautiful Latinos, People en Español has now unveiled its 25 U.S. most powerful Latinas list, which –unshockingly– includes a bunch of cute Latinas, clad in red, none of which are me.
Sniff, sniff.
Oh, well, maybe next year.
More on the Growing Career Choices for Latinas
With Latinas rapidly making it as star maids in Hollywood, it was only natural that other professional opportunities would arise.
Enter the Lubbock Fantasy Maid Service, in Lubbock, Texas, offering “nude and topless maid services.”
How much are these sexified maids, anyway? Customers pay $100 an hour for one maid and $150 an hour for two maids, and “if the customer wants his or her maids to be completely nude, all he/she has to do is ask.”
With Hispanics representing 32% of the population of Lubbock, Texas, I’m sure Latinas are part of this company’s sexy offering, in which case all this blogger asks for is a fair treatment (i.e. please do not call the migra on them; at least not while they are cleaning in their undies.)
What Latinas Want: Sex, Not Wine, With Husbands; Take Lots of Digital Photos… and iPod Downloads
Once in a lifetime, market research comes out to shed light on what we [U.S. Latinas] want, but would rather keep in the dark.
Take the most recent (and reportedly groundbreaking) research conducted by OTX, which pretty much gives away a secret we’ve kept to ourselves, like, for decades! According to the research, in this week’s Advertising Age:
A difference between Latinas and non-Hispanic women: Latinas are more likely (75%) than non-Latinas (63%) to say they’d rather have sex with their husbands than a glass of good wine.
And that, ladies, is because we know crap about wine (had they asked us about aguardiente….). Now seriously, the research goes deep down into our inner selves and secret behaviors, including the fact that:
Latina respondents were slightly more likely than the non-Hispanic respondents to take pictures with a digital camera (45% compared to 42%) and download music to an iPod (28% compared to 22%)
Why is that, I wonder?
Are digital photos and iPod downloads more interesting after we perform non-alcoholic sex with our husbands? Can someone please illuminate me here?
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