According to Some ‘Bovine Writer,’ there are 14 Species of Latinas in the U.S. [Can you Guess Where I Belong?]

Chicaspotting: A Field Guide to Latinas of the United States

Chicaspotting: A Field Guide to Latinas of the United States

Some “writer” in the United States has written Chicaspotting: A Field Guide to Latinas of the United States, a $17.99 “book” that promises to help gringos “find and identify the right Latina to date, love or marry.”

I’m going to spare you the details of this thing, but let’s say in a nutshell that — according to this aptly-named Bovino fellow — there are 14 SPECIES of us (i.e. Latinas of the United States). Fourteen, people, fourteen. Among them:

  • SYMMETRICAL FORCE (Colombian American): Butt size varies, but breast implants are practically a rite of passage and she likes ‘em BIG.
  • TRIFECTA (Venezuelan American): Routinely causes an erection lasting more than 4 hours, but neediness, jealousy, and controlling behavior – a real “trifecta” of drama – occasionally spoil the mood.
  • TACO BELLE (Mexican American): Warm and cuddly as a teddy bear but (somewhat) shy around strangers, especially gringos.
  • TRANSFORMER (Cuban American): If her breasts are large enough to match her hips and butt, she can be a Latin Jessica Rabbit, but too much Cuban food or too many kids and she’ll transform into Rosie O’Donnell right before your eyes.

Mr. Bovino fails to identify this blogger, but I can assure him after I review this thing on Amazon, he’d like to call my species THE MEXICAN AMAZON RATINGS KILLER.

[SIGH]

Hat tip: The Flama

This entry was posted in Awkard homages, Latino dating, Literature, Marketing & Advertising, Pop culture, Stupid propositions and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to According to Some ‘Bovine Writer,’ there are 14 Species of Latinas in the U.S. [Can you Guess Where I Belong?]

  1. MarceloSalup says:

    Damn! I’m in the wrong business! He’s probably going to make a killing with it!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s