Beat it, güeyes!
If everything goes according to plan — and if Nielsen’s latest research is accurate — I will no longer be poor, unhealthy and prone to making poor decisions.
According to Nielsen’s The New American Vanguard, a 2015 report on Latinos 50+:
“While younger Hispanics are commanding wide-spread attention, it’s actually older Hispanics who are leading the way, extending a strong cultural influence over their families and their communities at large.”
In fact, Hispanics 50+ will kick so much butt that they “will lead the way by living and working longer, establishing increased wealth potential and bearing the torch as the cultural matriarchs in their families and communities.”
And that is not all. In addition to being wealthy and a “cultural matriarch,” it looks like I will also be healthier (at last!). According to page 23 of said report, I will soon prefer “healthy and organic food,” which apparently means I’ll be ditching street tacos in favor of a kale-based, gluten-free diet.
Last but not least, and because being wealthy and healthy is certainly not enough, I’ll be making smarter choices in my life. Apparently, once I turn 50, I’ll be playing a crucial role “in the formation of a new mainstream society that is culturally inclusive as well as rooted in traditional American values of patriotism, hard work, personal optimism and faith in Americans’ collective future.”
Really? Wow! I can’t wait.
And to stay in the subject of sh*t this blogger couldn’t make up even if she tried… a local NBC affiliate in San Antonio, WOAI-TV, has found an awesome way to attract more Latino viewers to its 6:30 PM newscast.
How??!! Just pitch the nightly newscast as if it were a steamy telenovela, featuring guys in sombreros riding horses and muy caliente señoritas!