Americans are Putting Avocado on a Stick and I’m Screaming

Was this really necessary?

The short answer is no, but it seems like Americans in general –and millennials in particular– continue to find ways to ruin everything.

According to an unnecessarily long article, this thing was conceived by some dude in Vermont to help his fellow Americans, who continue to suffer from Avocado Hand, a potentially devastating malaise affecting an increasing number of non-Mexican people, specifically those who have no idea how to cut an avocado.

“They warn that putting avocado on a slice of bread is complicated and implies a danger, because in the United States some people have been injured trying to split an avocado, so they say that, with this presentation, enjoy the ‘green gold’ is simple and delicious.”

Oh, and don’t get me started on the plastic…

Via: Milenio

The Avocado Board Wants You to Eat Avocados for Breakfast if You Don’t Want a Heart Attack –or Something

Apparently, and for some reason, avocados are now part of a healthy… breakfast.

Despite their being a mortal threat for white people –and their hands– avocados have come a long way on this side of the Rio Grande, thanks mainly to hipsters, millennials and the like. But now, it’s almost as if it’s bad for your health not to eat these things, at least as far as the people selling them are concerned.

Citing latest research, the Avocado Board has come to the conclusion that eating avocados for breakfast has resulted in “heart health benefits for adults” and that you should be eating avocados for breakfast or will soon get a heart attack or something.

Well, as a non-millennial, non-hipster Mexican who actually grew up in Mexico eating avocados NOT for breakfast but in my tacos de carnitas and such, I do not support these findings, nor the avocraze that has gotten way out of hand. 

Via: PR Newswire

The Millennial Lotería is Now on Sale –and it’s a Thing of Beauty

It took longer than I most of us wanted, but the awesome Millennial Lotería is finally on sale. It’s not cheap and apparently there won’t be tons of sets available, so you’d better hurry if you want to put your hands on these little wonders.

As creator Mike Alfaro told MiTú in 2017, “he remembered [the lotería cards] from his childhood but was shocked at how outdated they were, so he took the opportunity to create a parody version of the timeless game.”

Click on the gallery below to get a taste of this beauty –and start saving, my friends…(all images by Mike Alfaro.)

Via: Millennial Lotería

Dating a Latina Will Make you Fat [and Other Insights from Univision’s Millennial Channel]

DatingALatinaUnivision

Looks like Univision decided NOT to listen to me, so it went ahead to launch Flama, an English-language video channel, which according to ADWEEK, has “an eye on Hispanics between ages 15 and 30,” (aka Hispanic millennials.)

The channel, which is being sponsored by condom maker Trojan and Big Mac maker McDonald’s, features videos on comedy, music, lifestyle and sports.

The following video -inexplicably tagged as comedy- is a 4-minute-plus rant about what non-Latinos should expect from dating a Latina. And no, you don’t have to spend 4:09 minutes of your life watching it.

I watched it entirely, so you don’t have to and here’s the gist of it:

  • Latinas are crazy
  • Dating a Latina will make you fat (even if they cook with Mazola)
  • We love to cook tamales and pozole and quesadillas
  • If you are going to be in a relationship with a Latina, you should consider joining  Weight Watchers
  • We [Latinas] are clingy
  • We are like your probation officer but with sex -and frijoles

Or, you can watch… But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

 

 

 

 

 

This Tide Commercial Shows Why it’s so Hard to be a Hispanic Millennial

TideAbuela

If you thought Hispanic millennials were just like regular millennials, think again.

Hispanic millennials, according to a new series of Tide commercials, not only sit around doing nothing and play with their phones. They have the added burden of having to translate their Spanish-dominant grandmothers while they go on and on and on about how to take care of their whites. (And by ‘whites’ I’m talking about clothes and not “not-brown-people.”)

And this one…

All I can tell you right now is that the Tide abuela has a better command of Spanish than this other P&G abuela.