BONUS: This one is also a Martínez!
Reader Calls me Traitor, Asks me to Go Back to Mexico 😢
Year: 2017
This Fast Food Chain Wants to Fill your Existential Vacuum
I have tried this with tacos before. (It doesn’t work.)
El Chapo Is Learning English, and I Have a Few Tips for Him
As you probably know by now, Mexico’s most notorious Bad Hombre, Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán, is finally serving time on this side of the border, more specifically in a New York City prison that has been described as Brooklyn’s Abu Ghraib.
But if you were the least worried about him, you should know that he’s not only doing well, but, according to Univision, he has even taken up English lessons.
I’m not even sure why anybody living in New York City needs to learn English (last time I checked, everyone around me was Mexican and everything was in damn Spanish!) Besides, I bet his captors/teachers are not precisely Shakespeare scholars, so if my paisano is really serious about this thing, there are a few methods that might help, including the lotería one or this other one by Unforgettable Languages.
However, if everything fails, this blogger would be happy to jump on the subway and personally bring him some additional reading material, starting — perhaps – with my favorite one. 👇🏽
You never know when you’re going to need the extra help, right?
No, Twitter, I Don’t Think the ‘Enchilada Bake’ Is a Good Idea
For reasons I have yet to understand, my “tailor-made,” “just-for-me” sponsored posts on Twitter have become an endless stream of disgusting “Mexican” concoctions. The latest comes courtesy of SmartMade, a company that prides itself on selling “delicious and nutritional frozen meals inspired by the quality ingredients and smart cooking techniques you use at home.”
I don’t know about you, but there is nothing smart in the so-called Bake Enchilada, a “meal” made of a “soft corn tortilla topped with black beans, roasted corn, red peppers and tomatoes lightly tossed in an enchilada sauce and topped with Monterey jack cheese.”
Oh, and don’t get me started on the Mexican style pulled pork…
So, there’s that, Twitter, not only I will not be clicking on that thing. I think an apology might be in order.
USA vs. Mexico: Who Is Sending their ‘Best’ elsewhere?
So much for the Mexican “journalist” who stole Tom Brady’s jersey, got caught and embarrassed an entire nation (this blogger included.)
I would like to turn our attention to this group of young Americans who went to Cancún, got drunk and yelled Build-The-Wall!, Build the Wall! repeatedly… while in — well — Mexico.*
OK, I get your rage, but before you go and vow to kill them all, I’d like for all of us to take a moment and realize that both — Mexico and the U.S. — have our share of morons, starting with the ones leading our respective nations, so really, can anyone blame us for being so obtuse?
I get the rage about the spring breakers, really, but before you go all crazy about them, go read this; then remember the 43 of Ayotzinapa; the blatant violations of human rights in Mexico and the dozens of filthy rich politicians who have vanished in thin air…. Then take a deep breath and maybe you’ll understand. We are all fucked, no matter which side of the border we live in.
Shame on us, really. All of us.
*OK, this happened in Cancún, which is arguably not Mexico anymore, but still…
Via: SFGate.com
‘Beauty and the Beast’ Mariachi Version, Because Why Not?
A mariachi version remake of the famous ballroom scene in Beauty and the Beast quickly became a viral hit, because apparently there is nothing Hispanics love more than seeing their favorite mainstream characters recreated á la mexicana.
The video was first posted by Mitu:
Via: CNET en Español
Dude Rides the Subway Wearing a Chapo Shirt, Because El Chapo Is the Shit
Do note that his t-shirt reads something like “From rags to riches” en español, of course…
As spotted by an anonymous source of this blogger at the Chicago subway (Red Line).
This Guy Wanted to Build a Wall in his Restaurant Because Hispanics Don’t Tip 😂
Poor Steve Wayte.
The owner of a weirdly named sushi restaurant in California is under fire after making a joke that some of my people (i.e. Fast & Furious Hispanics) DID. NOT. FIND. FUNNY.
The joke? Upon realizing that Hispanics tend to not leave tips in his restaurant, Wayte wrote the following on his Facebook page:
As expected, the Fury of Twitter descended on the poor guy, who had to apologize like 100 times, first on social media and then on national television, saying he did not mean any harm.
But none of this mattered, of course, because last time I checked, a local politician named Henry Perea was still pretty pissed and calling for a boycott of — are you ready? — Roll One For Mi.
Come on, people. Give Steve a break! Today for MI, tomorrow for USTEDES.
Via: Fresno Bee
Mexicans in this Disney-Pixar Trailer Sound a lot like Spaniards
With much fanfare, Disney-Pixar on Wednesday released the first teaser trailer of Coco, an upcoming animated film about “a 12-year-old aspiring Mexican musician, who embarks on a magical trip in the Land of the Dead.”
While many of the voices in the English-language movie will be done by Mexicans or Mexican American actors (including Gael García Bernal, Anthony Gonzalez and Benjamin Bratt) I couldn’t help but cringe at this other “Spanish” version I found on the Web, one apparently hailing from Spain, which makes all these Mexicans sound a lot like coming out of a Marisol movie.
Coco will hit theaters on November 22, 2017 and you’ll be well advised to watch the English-language trailer in this link and NOT the one below.
Penélope Cruz to Peddle non-Alcoholic Beer — for Women, you Know?
Oh, how I miss the days when Penélope Cruz drank Coke and belched like the guys.
Alas, in this modern, politically-correct times we live, the gorgeous-but-married-mother-of -small-children wants us to drink… non-alcoholic beer, because she’s a lady, you know? and beer is, like, for the dudes.
The following is an ad apparently airing now on Polish television, though several reports say Karmi, the beer for ladies, is making its way to Spain — and beyond.
What a great time to be alive…. NOT.
Via: El Español
Mexicans Are Freaking out about ‘Mexico Is the Shit’ Fashion
It was bound to happen.
A fashion idea born in Mexico, and crafted by Mexican designer Anuar Layon was meant to show the world (or, more specifically the obtuse Trump administration) that Mexico is… well, the shit (i.e. bien chingón.)
But of course, when you launch an English-language slogan — and movement — in Mexico, you cannot seriously expect everyone to understand exactly what you mean.
See? Not everybody is a European-educated fashion designer down there; so there are some Mexicans who are seriously pissed, thinking that being the shit is something like awful. Take this poor soul who became the butt of the joke Monday night after tweeting the following photo “denouncing” racism at some Mexico City hotel.
Cómo es posible qué un hotel mexicano reciba a este tipo de gente que insulta a nuestro país @GRUPOHABITA (en este momento condesaDf) pic.twitter.com/xSsKP7IXRl
— Tania Larios (@lariostanian) 14 de marzo de 2017
So, what the hell is Mexico is the Shit anyhow?
In the words of Layón himself:
It is a tribute to all those mexicans around the world that are shifting global culture with their beautiful hearts and brilliant minds; it’s a way to show that we are many and we are together; that we are raising the standards, reminding the world that our voice matters. “Mexico is the shit” is a community, a support system and a movement inspiring love, respect and trust!
Sure, and also a way for these guys to sell shirts & jackets, which I’m sure cost more than a few bucks. Still, whether you decide to wear one of these things — or not — just chill. Mexico IS the Shit.
This Gringo Is so Mexican, He Drinks Victoria Beer
There is nothing that annoys me more than Americans thinking they know Mexico and Mexican culture because they like to drink Corona beer.
Fortunately, there’s one gringo who knows there are alternatives, including Victoria beer, the only cerveza this blogger likes. See? No matter how much this guy sucks at everything “Mexican;” all he needs to do is drink a non-Corona beer (in this case a Victoria) to pass as a real Mexican among the dudes.
Here’s the latest spot for Victoria beer, featuring the hilarious El Corrido de Greg, with music by my cuates of Mixto Music.
¡Ajúa, pinches gringos!
Via: Victoria Beer on Facebook
Stephen Colbert Calls Mexico about Paying for Trump’s Huge, Beautiful Border Wall
Stephen Colbert on Friday compiled a team of experts — including an architect, an interior designer and a “concrete guy” — to come up with some rough estimates for Trump’s “big, strong, powerful, yuuuuge” wall.*
After concluding that the wall would have to be at least 100 feet tall, require at least 12,000 skilled laborers and result in roughly 4,800 casualties, Colbert put in a call to the Mexican consulate to see if Mexicans would foot the bill.
Just WATCH:
*Reminder: Trump has about 3 years and 11 months to complete construction if he wants to keep his campaign promise.
Mexican Chef Creates $25,000 Taco, Because Nothing Makes Sense Anymore
How much would you pay for shrimp, caviar, truffle and 24 carat gold flakes stuffed in a corn tortilla?
How about $25,000?
Well, that’s the price of the world’s most expensive taco, a creation of Mexican chef Juan Licerio Alcalá and one no one has ordered — yet.
According to my super secret sources (i.e. Yahoo News,) Licerio, the chef at the ultra luxurious Grand Velas Los Cabos Resort in Baja California, created this thing because he wanted to “think outside the box.”
“People are excited and a little surprised about how you can eat a taco for $25,000 ($497,000 pesos) when you can find one on the street for 10 pesos,” he said.
Well, as a non-wealthy, non-luxurious, taco-loving real Mexican, the explanation is simple: Licerio – and the hotel where he works – cater to a mostly NON-Mexican crowd, the same one that would pay top dollars for a Deluxe Mexican Yoga Mat or a $1,300 Swarovski-embellished Taco Purse. Not my people. I’m sure…
[FACE PALM]
Hat tip: @tropicarlitos
Shazam Joins Cinco de Mayo Bash, Because Tequila!
It’s too early to start talking about Cinco de Mayo, right?
WRONG!
Shazam, the app that lets you identify and discover songs from a mobile device, is already working on a super duper plan to join the Cinco de Mayou fiesta!
The company said on Monday that it has partnered with Beam Suntory — owners of Sauza and Hornitos tequila — to enter the realm of Augmented Reality (AR) just in time for this blogger’s most despised favorite holiday.
And how does this partnership will work? Well, I’m glad you asked: Using some new technology, users will be able to scan codes from, say, a bottle of tequila to experience all kinds of augmented reality “Mexican” fun and stuff, including “3D animations, product visualizations, mini-games and 360-degree videos. Guac-a-Mole, anyone?
Here’s how the company explained this thing:
“This breakthrough technology offers an accessible, immersive platform with which to engage in a rewarded gamification experience at the point of purchase leading up to Cinco de Mayo. Sauza Tequila and Hornitos Premium Tequila should effectively break through the Cinco de Mayo advertising clutter thanks to this exciting partnership,” said Michelle Cater, Beam Suntory’s senior director of commercial marketing, apparently with a straight face.
¡Ajúa!
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