Category: 2016 presidential campaign

Stephen Colbert Calls Mexico about Paying for Trump’s Huge, Beautiful Border Wall

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Stephen Colbert on Friday compiled a team of experts — including an architect, an interior designer and a “concrete guy” — to come up with some rough estimates for Trump’s “big, strong, powerful, yuuuuge” wall.*

After concluding that the wall would have to be at least 100 feet tall, require at least 12,000 skilled laborers and result in roughly 4,800 casualties, Colbert put in a call to the Mexican consulate to see if Mexicans would foot the bill.

Just WATCH:

*Reminder: Trump has about 3 years and 11 months to complete construction if he wants to keep his campaign promise.

 

BREAKING: John F. Kennedy to Visit Mexico Real Soon

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mexicokennedyfeb16

Forget El Nacional mistaking one version of Donald Trump with another one.

Mexico’s El Sol de Hermosillo today embarked in one of the world’s most beautiful fuck ups in the history of print media fuck ups.

However, for the purpose of this blog, this is just, well, wonderful, so all this blogger can say is: Thank you, thank you, Mexican Twitter, I owe you one*

Via: Jorge L./Twitter

*Many, actually, but who is counting?

Conan Is Heading to Mexico to Repair U.S.-Mexico Relations, Because Nobody Else Can

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Conan will be Made in Mexico!
Conan will be Made in Mexico!

In these “interesting times,” in which the most important diplomatic decisions are made on Twitter, it’s only fitting that the only person that seems qualified to repair the much damaged U.S.-Mexico relation is… a television comedian.

Sí, señor. Conan O’Brien, who jumped to this blog’s fame with his telenovela Noches de Pasión, will be taping an entire episode of his TV show in Mexico, using an all-Mexican staff, crew, guests and studio audience.

The goal? Apparently to investigate if such a barbaric country can produce more than just criminals and rapists.

Conan Without Borders: Made In Mexico premieres Wednesday, March 1st on TBS and this blogger cannot wait!

Corona Beer to Trump: America is not a Country, you Dimwit!

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América con acento, por favor
América con acento, por favor

America Great Again? Bitch, please…

In a jab to “President” Donald Trump, Corona Beer this week launched a new video on its YouTube page, which basically makes a point this blogger has been hammering pretty much all her [adult] life: America is not a country. America is a continent… And a big one at that…

We are the belly button of this world… and its lungs

We are hot blooded, we are poetry, art, and chants…

We are constant revolution

We are 35 united states

Americanos somos todos… 

… and so on

The spot concludes by urging fans to join Corona’s fan page to show their pride about being American, or something to that effect. WATCH:

Washington Feels Like One Big Funeral –to me, anyway

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nino
Photo: Laura Martínez, Washington, D.C. Jan. 29, 2017

While I still cannot get my head around what just happened in America, I decided to come to Washington, D.C. this week, not only to march on Saturday, Jan. 21, but to try to understand Trump supporters; who they are and why they seem to be so angry at so many things, including my people (i.e. The Mexicans) and, of course, Barack Obama.

Walking around The Capitol Thursday afternoon, you could feel a sense of sadness and desperation in the air. It was almost like something very dear to me had died, and in a way it did. Sure, there were people who looked happy, waving their Trump flags and wearing their Trump pins and their Trump t-shirts, but the mood was mostly somber. Heck, even a chorus practicing nearby for Friday’s inauguration seemed to be singing to the tune of Chopin’s Funeral March.

But that was yesterday.

Today is the day Donald J. Trump takes the reigns of my new country and what I’ve seen so far it’s not giving me much hope of where we are heading. This is our new reality. This is us. This is now.

 

Donald Trump’s Private Jet Was Previously Owned by Mexicans, Because Karma and #LOL

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trumpplane

I refused to believe this at first, but after much Google searching investigative reporting, I was able to find a somewhat reliable source confirming the fact that President Elect Donald Trump’s private jet used to belong to TAESA, a Mexican airline I’d rather forget it ever existed.

I’m not the kind of reporter that will spend hours into the shenanigans of private jet ownership issues and stuff (I’d leave that to the experts i.e. Kent German) but I just thought it was simply awesome that His Orange Majesty, King of Palm Beach and Lord of the Big Walls surfs the skies on a mamotreto once operated by TAESA.

Big, big LOL…

Via: Planespotters.net and Mirror Online

Mexican Singers, Russian Hackers, Same Difference, Says Texas Congressman Mike Conaway

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giphymariachi

In the latest episode of the political joke we’re now living, Rep. Mike Conaway from Texas just told The Dallas Morning News (apparently with a straight face) that the Democrats using Mexican singers, charros, mariachis and soap operas to lure Hispanics to the Hillary Clinton campaign is pretty much the same thing as the Russian hacking scandal.

Per Conaway himself:

“Harry Reid and the Democrats brought in Mexican soap opera stars, singers and entertainers who had immense influence in those communities into Las Vegas, to entertain, get out the vote and so forth.”

And this, says Conaway, should be considered “foreign influence […] If we’re worried about foreign influence, let’s have the whole story.”

Really? Last I checked, many of those colorful people seen singing on stage or hosting taco-filled fiestas for Hillary were actually U.S.-born or U.S. citizens (Los Tigres del Norte, Julieta Venegas, Vicente Fernández, etc.) but anyway, they were not sneaking behind the Web to hack an election were they.

Come on! ¡Pinche Conagüey!

Via: Dallas Morning News

NBC Preps ‘The Wall,’ a Show Featuring a Yuuuuuge Wall

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wallnbc

NBC, the network that brought us The Apprentice and other similar calamities, is set to premiere The Wall, a new game show produced by NBA superstar LeBron James and hosted by Chris Hardwick.

Per NBC itself, The Wall is “the fastest and simplest game,” and it consists of — yes, you guessed it! — a yuuuuge wall built for one purpose: “To change people’s lives.”

Call me crazy but I don’t think this is exactly a good time to launch anything that looks and/or sounds as “a wall that will change people’s lives.”

I mean, HELLO!

Via: Deadline.com

 

Alicia Machado Moves On: Launches Male Fragrance, Develops Extra Limbs, Writes Book

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What's with the extra arm? Anybody?
What’s with the extra arm? Anybody?

Former Miss Universe Alicia Machado, who this year jumped to non-Hispanic fame after confessing to having being called horrible things like Miss Piggy and Miss Housekeeping by Horrible-Person Donald Trump (HPDT), is apparently moving on.

The Venezuela native this week took to Twitter to promote her new fragrance, aptly named “Malicia” (get it?) and to inform the world that she’ll be writing a book about … yes, you guessed it! HPDT.

Anyhow, I’m all up for people moving on and get past this sombre, horrible, sad period, but can somebody please explain the third arm?

This blogger is still VERY depressed, so please, go on, amuse me….

Trump’s Sexist Remarks are not Even Suitable for ‘Reggaeton’

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trumppromoreggaeton

And just because it’s only a few hours (YES, HOURS!) before this circus election is finally over… I give you el reggaetrump, a 30-second explainer on how the Republican candidate’s remarks about women are waaaay worse than those of your regular reggaetonero.

This blogger loathes both, the candidate *and* reggaeton, but el reggaetrump makes a great point… Besides, it was crafted by two very creative Mexicans: my buddies Paco Olavarrieta (Dieste) and Carlos Maya (Mixto Music) who have earned a permanent spot in this blog’s “Mexicans: How Can Anyone Not Like Us” archives.

WARNING: The following video contains language suitable only for the Trump types and NSWF, so if you prefer to watch a CENSURED version, go here.

(Props also go to Ornella Poumián for the amazing illustrations.)

Ever Wanted to Give Donald Trump a ‘Chanclazo?’ These people Will Do it for you

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112

A group of advertising creatives hailing from several countries have concocted a way to persuade Latinos to go vote on November 8: using the power of La chancla, the most powerful persuasion tool known to Latinos.

With the hopes to increase the number of registered Hispanics that actually go out and cast a vote, the group has crafted VoteOrLaChancla, a platform that will give Donald Trump the schooling he deserves (i.e. a smack on the face with a chancla) every time you pledge to vote.

For details about the super simple tech involved in this thing, go to CNET en Español

Hat tip: Chancla correspondent @lechancle

‘ZopiloTrump’ Embarks on National Tour around Mexico to Scare the Hell Out of my People

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zopilote2

You might not know this, but zopilotes are really, really bad birds.

Imagine this, but Mexican –and thus, way scarier.

With this in mind, Oaxacan artist Víctor Robinson has created the “ZopiloTrump”, the scariest thing you’ll see this year on both sides of the border, mind you.

The ZopiloTrump was unveiled Thursday, October 27 in Mexico City and is expected to embark on a national tour until it reaches Mexicali, right the site where he-who-shall-not-be-mentioned plans to erect a big, yuuuuge wall.

zopilobest

Oh, and just in time to celebrate the upcoming Day of the Dead, here’s an awesome “calavera” cortesy of the aforementioned artist:

Andaba la calaca flaca
llorando por todo México, 
porque a Donald Trump 
lo invitó Peña Nieto. 
La huesuda indignada 
a Trump le reclamó:
“¿Qué haces aquí racista de lo peor?”
A lo que Donald respondió:
“Vieja anoréxica, 
yo tener para ti dinero, 
edificios, mansiones, hasta un avión”.
“De  ti no quiero ni maiz”, dijo la parca, 
“Tú no tienes  amigos,
y de espíritu eres pobretón, 
además  vas a  perder la elección,  
y deja en paz a los  migrantes 
que tanto los cuido yo”. 

Via: El Diario