Category: Awkard homages

Salma Hayek to Star as a Lesbian Taco in Upcoming Movie, Because Hollywood

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sausage

Hold on to your sombreros!

If you thought Hollywood was running out of awesome ideas, think again. Coming this summer to a movie theatre near you is The Sausage Party, an “adult animated film with talking food,” starring Seth Rogen as Frank, a sausage who lives in a supermarket waiting to be chosen. Yep.

But because American supermarkets — and dinner tables — would be nothing without my people (i.e. Flaming Hot Mexicans,) The Sausage Party also stars Mexican bombshell Salma Hayek who will play the role of — what else? — a Lesbian taco. (Don’t ask.)

It’s a pity no more Mexicans have been cast, since I would have enjoyed a kitchen scene of horny jumping beans. But maybe that’s in store for the 2017 sequel: The Chorizo Fiesta

Anyhow, here’s a trailer of this thing, alas, sans lesbian tacos:

Hat tip: London correspondent 

JOB ALERT: Cinco de Mayo Ass Models Needed in Miami

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Anybody?
Anybody?

Awwww, America: The land of the free, home of the brave — and the Milwaukee Taco Fest — is also the place to go to advance your career.

Take the above job opportunity hailing from — where else? — Florida, where some dude needs to hire 4 women for an adult business Cinco de Mayo event. Required are two “promo models” and two “ass models,” who will be paid $420/hr and $250/hr, respectively, for the gig. Ladies must be “fun, friendly and not uptight,” so boring, unfriendly and anxious señoritas, please refrain.

I don’t know about you, but I’m super interested in this thing, so I’m off to polish my… resume.

Let’s see if I can finally make some money off my Latin talents.

I will keep you posted.

Canelo Álvarez to Help Tecate ‘Amplify Modern Masculinity’

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Canelo

Tecate has launched its first national campaign in the U.S. featuring none other than Mexican boxing superstar Saúl “El Canelo” Álvarez. In a 30-second-spot, we see Mr. Álvarez being hailed — and carried (literally) — as some kind of King of bling bling only to jump on the ring like a champ and remind us that “he is always bold but never flashy.”

According to Adweek, Tecate’s Born Bold campaign is an effort to further “amplify modern masculinity” (whatever that means) among Hispanics and non-Hispanics alike.

“The primary target is still the Hispanic consumer,” brand director Belen Pamukoff told Adweek. “But as a secondary target, we have the general market.”

A second TV spot features a veteran referee losing his patience for one player’s attempt to draw a foul call against his opponent finally drawing the dreaded red card, something I believe is also an effort to “amplify modern masculinity.”

Anyhow, here goes.

Please watch and let me know: Did the spot help amplify your modern masculinity?

Pope Francis Wins ‘First-ever Telemundo Innovation Award’ — for some Reason

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sombrero Pope Francis

Today in awkward, Hispanic-related news…

Pope Francis is the proud recipient of the first-ever Telemundo Innovation Award, which was conceived by Telemundo to honor an individual innovator “whose work has explored new trends, showcased pioneering spirit and greatly impacted society.”

According to a very long press release, Pope Francis was chosen for his “innovative approach to redefining religion in a social and digital world.” This, I’m sure, has to do with the fact that he just joined Instagram (better late than never) and has, like, six Twitter accounts (who has the time?)

Anyhow, I thought you’d also like to know that this very important award was announced during an equally paramount event: Hispanicize 2016, taking place in — where else? — Miami.

¡Ay dios mío!

Via Broadcasting & Cable

 

¡Ándale, Ándale! Speedy Gonzales Preps for Hollywood Debut

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Speedy-Gonzales

If everything goes according to plan, my childhood hero will soon be the star of his own animated feature film.

According to Deadline.com, Warner Bros. is already working on a Speedy Gonzales movie with producers Dylan Sellers and Mexican comedian Eugenio Derbez, who will be charged with voicing the ultrafast, sombrero-wearing little mouse.

Details are still sketchy, but news of a Speedy Gonzales feature film come at a very convenient time for Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton, who has found inspiration in this witty mouse to try to get my people (i.e. The Hispanics) vote for her.

¡Ándale, ándale! ¡Arriba, arriba!

img_3025

 

Peru Sex Worker Vows to Put Order in the Brothel that is Congress

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"Let's make the Congress a respectable brothel."
“Let’s make Congress a respectable brothel.”

Angela Villón, a Peruvian sex worker, has been very active of late trying to snatch a seat in the country’s congress.

A native of Lima, Villón is running for El Frente Amplio, a coalition of leftist parties and movements, in Peru’s general and legislative elections this month. She is one of more than 2,600 candidates for 130 seats in Peru’s legislative chamber.

I am not sure if she will make it, but voters would be well-advised to pay attention. As Villón says in one of her awesome video campaign ads [below]: She is “a decent whore, determined to make Congress a respectable brothel.” (Una puta decente que hará del congreso un burdel respetable).

[Rimshot]

Hat tip: Iván Cordalupo

I Don’t Know you, but I’ll be Meeting with La Migra in April

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IMG_4965

Awww, New York City! — home of Mariachi Santas, Dominican sushi and life-size cardboard mariachis — is now proud to introduce you to La Migra, a Mexico-based norteño band that promises to rock your world on Friday April 8 in The Bronx.

According to a promo that has been plastered all over my neighborhood, La Migra will be soon playing at El Palenque, and the venue promises to let everybody in. Yes, EVERYBODY WILL BE ALLOWED TO COME IN.

Are you listening, Border Patrol?

Photo: Laura Martínez, Harlem 2016

The Bernie Sanders Corrido Will Have you Feel ‘El Quemazón’

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quemazon

What better way to show your love for Bernie Sanders than writing a song about feeling the burn … in Spanish?

That’s exactly what Grupo La Meta has done. The Mexican-American band from Modesto, California, has written El Quemazón, an homage to the Bernie Sanders, so that my people can also “Feel the Bern.”

He’s the man with a vision to better this country […] He’s running for president but the rich don’t want him. Bernie Sanders is his name. Now you’re going to feel his burn.

¡Ajúa!

Via: Adrián Carrasquillo

President Obama Does Latin America; Has more Fun than you

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ObamaTango

After a historic visit to Cuba, where he posed next to El Ché, learned how to salsa, sipped mojitos and smoked cigars, President Barack Obama this week made his way to Argentina, his first official visit to the South American country.

Barely hours after the Air Force One touched down in the Argentinean capital, the Obamas found themselves wrapping their legs around perfect strangers.

Oh, and how they enjoyed it!

Obama Talks to Pánfilo: It’s not Que Bolá, It’s Qué Bolá. Qué Lío

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ObamaPanfilo

Oh yes!

Before his historic (and hysterical) trip to Havana, Cuba, President Obama called Luis Silvia (aka Pánfilo), a retired, not-too-bright Cuban man who plays a (subtle) satire of how Cuban people often have to use their wits to escape the poverty and absurdity of life in modern communist Cuba.

In a video of the skit posted by the U.S. Embassy in Havana, Pánfilo ends up getting connected directly to Obama in the Oval Office only to be tangled up in the whole Qué bolá (or is it Qué bóla?) thing.

Watch, anyway, and let’s discuss this tomorrow. This blogger is too “Bolá” to make any more sense tonight.

¡Gracias, Boston! It’s Only March 18, but the Cinco de Mayo Nonsense Is already here

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cincodemayocruz

Tired of bashing the Drumpf piñata or getting drunk on green stuff to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?

Worry no more! Cinco de Mayo — and all the nonsense that comes with it — is just around the corner, and this blogger will be right here to bring it all to you.

Kicking off the 2016 festivities is the Cinco de Mayo Sunset Cruz, billed as “THE FIRST cruise BASH of the season!!!” (capital and bold letters their emphasis, not mine.) 

Now, while the promotional flyer (above) hints the event will feature mariachis, chihuahua dogs in wrestling costumes and scantily-clad red-hair señoritas, photos from previous cruises show a very different reality, namely, tons of white guys & gals wearing sombreros and drinking like there’s no tomorrow.

Either way, this blogger wishes them the best in their celebration of “Mexican” culture, so … ¡Ajúa, Boston!

Boston

Univision Launches Dolls Inspired by Univision’s Latin Beauty Pageant, because Univision

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dollsfinal

Move over, Mexican Barbie! Here come Nuestra Belleza Latina-inspired dolls, Univision’s latest marketing effort to celebrate the 10th anniversary of its very own Latin beauty pageant.

The six dolls — Dulce, Yaritza, Sol, Niki, Odalys and Paola —have all been inspired by the “diverse and compelling stories of Latinas,” which as you know are all very diverse, despite having the exact same measurements.

This beauties are available in either evening gown or swim suit via Amazon, LatinaGirlPower.com and “several Hispanic grocery store chains,” which I assume are those same stores where you can buy Hispanic cheese, Hispanic lettuce, Hispanic chips, etc.

 

Take that, Mr. Trump: A Mexican and a Muslim Walk into a Boxing Ring… in America

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CaneloKhan

I really wanted to avoid talking about You-Know-Who on this venerable blog, but I couldn’t resist helping my paisano, Oscar de la Hoya, spread the word about his super terrific plan to sticking it to El Trumpo.

In an effort to prove that Muslims *and* Mexicans are welcome in the U.S., Mr. De la Hoya is organizing a mega fight between two of the most popular Muslim and Mexican boxers on the planet: Amir Khan, of Britain, and Saúl “Canelo” Álvarez, from Mexico. The “mega mega” fight is to take place in Las Vegas this May 7 and the motivation behind it is simple –and awesome:

As Mr. De la Hoya told CNN about You-Know-Who:

“It’s mindboggling to know that he has those types of philosophies and thoughts,” said American-Mexican De La Hoya, seemingly referring to Drumpf’s call for a ban on Muslims entering the U.S., and building a wall between the country and Mexico.

Way to go, Oscar! See you in Vegas and hopefully not in the deportation plane back to Mexicou!