Candy Tacos: Because Absurdity Knows no Limits

The Taco Candy is a thing
The Taco Candy is a thing
Remember the Taco Purse? And how about the Taco Toaster?

So get ready for the newest member of the ATMT (Absurd Taco Madness Trend:) Candy Tacos, a concoction made of a rice krispies shell filled with shredded coconut (the lettuce and cheese), crumbled Oreos (the meat), Mike and Ikes (the tomatoes), and topped with marshmallow fluff (the sour cream).

Why? Because why the hell not.

I mean, regardless its ingredients, this thing doesn’t even look like a real taco… but I guess that’s one of those battles I’ll never be able to win.

Via: Miblogestublog’s Senior Taco Correspondent, Lisa Paravano

Here’s a Fiesta Arch to go with your Mexican ‘Scene-Setters’

FiestaArchRemember the 5-feet-tall Mexican scene-setters? Well, now you can make your Mexican fiesta even more Mexican (as if that was even possible) by setting up a Personalized Mexican Fiesta Arch.

This beauty is not cheap, ¡no, señor! It will cost you a good $109.99 online. But don’t despair! The Personalized Fiesta Arch “has the look of a brick wall along with maracas, sombreros, chili peppers and guitar accents.” Plus. It ships in only one day, so why wait for Cinco de Mayo?

In case you’re still not sold on this stupid awesome deal, check this out: The Fiesta Arch “can be personalized with two lines of your own custom text.”

So hurry! I’ve already placed my order with a two line legend that reads:

¡Órale, gringo! Me querer mucho tequila! ¡Arriba, arriba, ándale, ándale! 

Cinco de Mayo: America’s Stupidest Holiday Is Almost Here!

Americans: How can anyone not like them?
Americans: How can anyone not like them?

Awwww, Cinco de Mayo.

No matter how many bizarre holidays Americans come up with, Cinco de Mayo will forever be my favorite one. And not only because it’s an excuse to drink all day and yell ¡Viva México! while thinking it’s our celebration of Independence (it’s not.) But it is also the time of year that brings out the stupidest most creative marketing brains to sell Americans everything, from DIY printable fiesta kits and taquito shooters (whatever that is,) to senseless drink mixes, “ethnic food” and even life-size cardboard Mexicans as scene setters.

This time around, though, in honor of that amazing marketing took known as Twitter, I’ve put together a few tweets making their way to my timeline.

NOTE: We’re still a full week away from the actual fiesta and this list will be updated in the following days, but let’s get to it right away, shall we? 

1. This mariachi-themed pitch from BelVita

2. How about some taquito shooters?

3. Old El Paso’s Suspicious-Looking ‘Tacos’

4. Go ahead, print your own fiesta kit

The craziness is such, that even Whole Foods London is jumping on the Cinco de Mayo wagon:

5. Wait, what? Whole Foods London?

6. Or… Sombrero Cinco de Mayo Cookies

7. José Olé Cinco Savings Coming Soon

8. Taco Bell, of course

Last but not least, the King of Ruining Mexican Food, Taco Bell, has already announced plans to introduce a new hot sauce on Cinco de Mayo called Diablo. The sauce, says Taco Bell, will only be available for a limited time and it’s made with a variety of peppers, including ají panca, chipotle and chili. Here it is, in all its GIF glory.

 

I don’t know about you, but at this point in my life, the only Cinco de Mayo thing worth watching is this one.

 

Hey, Gringo, Get Ready to Print your Own Cinco de Mayo Kit!

Let's print some guacamole containers, shall we?
Let’s print some guacamole containers, shall we?

Cinco de Mayo (aka this blogger’s favorite faux holiday) is just around the corner, and this year — with the explosion of Twitter, Snapchat, Periscope, Instagram and the like — the marketing furor promises to be crazier than ever before. Muy loco, indeed!

Stay tuned for this blog’s full “coverage” of this year’s non-Mexican holiday. In the meantime, take a look at this kit offered by Paper & Cake and start printing your own fiesta kit.

¡Ajúa!

Empire State Building Goes Red to Honor Hispanics [Sort of]

See the red? It's a Telemundo thing!
See the red? It’s a Telemundo thing!

If you still don’t believe me when I say Spanish-speakers rule New York, you might want to keep an eye on the Empire State building this coming Sunday, April 26, when it is set to go totally red in celebration of Telemundo 47 New York’s 50 year anniversary. Yes, and it’s not a joke, my friends.

Per a press release quoting the great Cristina Schwarz (a personal friend, mind you)…

“On the evening of Sunday, April 26, viewers from all across the New York Tri-State area will be able to look up to the beacon of our skyline as it beams in red, in honor of our station’s past and the promise of our future as we reaffirm our commitment to be the first informers our communities demand and deserve.”

I don’t know you, but as a proud Hispanic, I’ll be anxiously waiting for the red lights to go up and then tune in my TV set to … Mad Men.*

*It’s nothing against Telemundo, really. I just need to know what’s going to happen with Don Draper’s sombrero,

Hispanic Jeb Bush Is the Best Thing on Twitter Right Now

Unless you live under a rock, in a detention center in Guantánamo or in a place without access to Twitter (very unlikely), you would have heard by now that Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush once identified himself as Hispanic in a voter registration application.

50804272According to a Miami-Dade County document published Monday by The New York Times, Bush listed his race/ethnicity as “Hispanic,” in a 2009 voter-registration application, a fact that quickly spread over social media, giving way to some hilarious tweets, starting with Hispanic Jeb Bush himself.

The incident quickly gave way to the creation of the YebBush Twitter account, which promptly began interacting with this blogger.

I say we should cut this guy some slack. He speaks fluent Spanish. His wife, Columba (NOT Columbia) Bush, was born in Mexico and for two years in his 20s, he lived in Venezuela… Besides, his Spanish is WAY better than that of many “Hispanics” I know. I promise.

 

¡Adiós, Colberto! Why this Blogger will Forever Miss You

'Reporto Gigante'
‘Reporto Gigante’

Hispanic television has never been very good at poking fun at… well, Hispanic television, which is a shame since there’s just so much to poke fun at.

Fortunately, we had Stephen Colbert — and his hilarious Hispanic primo Esteban Colberto — to set the record straight when it came to Latino things, like that time he interviewed “the Latino Walter Cronkite” (i.e. Jorge Ramos) beginning all his questions with an upside down question mark and stating Latinos are too lazy to even deport ourselves.

There was also

Some more Latino jewels from Colbert here, here and here. Oh, and then there’s the Mexican Threat Special.

¡Adiós, Colberto!

colberthispanic