Category: Guacala

The Milwaukee Taco Fest Is all that Is Wrong with America

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tacofest1

If you thought Cinco de Mayo was the ultimate Mexican-themed ridiculousness in America, wait till you see the inner workings of the Milwaukee Taco Fest, an annual extravaganza promising attendees “a day of taco tasting, tequila, margaritas, cervezas and tons of great entertainment.”

And by “great entertainment” we’re not talking about just any great entertainment, no señor, we’re talking live wrestling, a taco-eating contest and — of course — a Chihuahua beauty pageant.

Screen Shot 2016-04-13 at 1.02.35 PMAre you cringing yet?

I’m just about to go shoot myself, but you would be well advised to hold onto your sombreros because this thing is happening real soon and — unfortunately — there’s no stopping them.

Sombrero tip: Gil

 

Waldenbuch-Based Ritter Sport Introduces Tortilla Chips Chocolate Because Why the Hell Not?

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¡Guácala!
¡Guácala!

I have never been to Waldenbuch, Germany, but I’m sure it’s a city teeming with creative people thinking out of the German box.

Take the Ritter Sport chocolate factory, which is pulling all its marketing strings to pitch its latest concoction: the Knusper Tortilla Chips Chocolate, which I’m not really able to describe to you, because these tricky people had the brilliant idea of explaining everything in German.

However, I was able to get a hold of a video, where you can see a bunch of German tortilla chips happily march to their German chocolate dead.

Hat tip: Marco Principato

¡Gracias, Boston! It’s Only March 18, but the Cinco de Mayo Nonsense Is already here

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cincodemayocruz

Tired of bashing the Drumpf piñata or getting drunk on green stuff to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?

Worry no more! Cinco de Mayo — and all the nonsense that comes with it — is just around the corner, and this blogger will be right here to bring it all to you.

Kicking off the 2016 festivities is the Cinco de Mayo Sunset Cruz, billed as “THE FIRST cruise BASH of the season!!!” (capital and bold letters their emphasis, not mine.) 

Now, while the promotional flyer (above) hints the event will feature mariachis, chihuahua dogs in wrestling costumes and scantily-clad red-hair señoritas, photos from previous cruises show a very different reality, namely, tons of white guys & gals wearing sombreros and drinking like there’s no tomorrow.

Either way, this blogger wishes them the best in their celebration of “Mexican” culture, so … ¡Ajúa, Boston!

Boston

Pillsbury Wants you to Believe this ‘thing’ is a Taco. It’s not

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From the 'What the hell is this?' archives
From the ‘What the hell is this?’ archives

As if Taco Bell’s efforts to sell you “make-believe” Mexican food weren’t enough, Pillsbury is now peddling the Chicken Taco Grande Ring, yet another American-made concoction that will make sure your children will grow up with a twisted idea of what my people (i.e. The Mexicans) really eat.

According to my sources (i.e. my Brooklyn Special Taco Correspondent) there’s even a TV commercial of this thing airing on prime time, declaring “it’s time for the taco to come out of its shell.”

Well, I have news for you, Pillsbury: It’s not time for anything. This “thing” is not even a taco, so Stop. This. Now.

Hat tip: Brooklyn taco correspondent JPFalcone

Bud Light Banner Ad in Spanish Features Amy Schumer, Seth Rogen and Bad Grammar

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budlight2Dear people of Budweiser:

While I appreciate your efforts to peddle bad, watery beer to my people (i.e. The Hispanics,) your advertising agency would be well-advised to plunk down a few pesitos to hire ME some Spanish-speaking person to at least — AT LEAST — proofread your stuff.*

Perhaps the folks that worked on the above banner would want to use Google Translate instead, which I’m sure is what you guys did to translate this other thing (below).

 

*DM me for details

Lenovo Wants you to Use your Lenovo Laptop to Prepare ‘Taco-Inflated’ Footballs

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'No laptops were hurt in the making of this commercial'
‘No laptops were hurt in the making of this commercial’

Chinese computer manufacturer Lenovo is only the latest company to jump on the “make-believe taco” bandwagon. And what better way to do this than through a tutorial on how to make “taco-inflated footballs?” (whatever those might be.)

Watch Lenovo’s tutorial in the tweet below to learn how to use a Lenovo tablet to grate cheese and ultimately bake a trio of football-looking pastry things that — for some reason — the Chinese company thinks are tacos.

¡Ay, Dios mío!

Swiss Entrepreneurs Create ‘Magical Machine’ to Make $1 Tortillas

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teamflatev
Mariachi hat: Proof their invention is legit

And just when I thought technology couldn’t get any more ridiculous awesome, a group of sombrero-wearing geniuses hailing from Switzerland have invented Flatev, a machine that promises to deliver “fresh, authentic tortillas in seconds.” In seconds, people, SECONDS!

And what’s the magic behind this thing? Pods, people, pods!

Per the startup’s Website, Flatev uses pods to produce ready-to-eat tortillas. One pod per tortilla.

Think of it like a coffee machine that makes flatbread. Instead of ground coffee, our pods are filled with fresh dough with natural and healthy ingredients.

Why be like Rosa when you can make $1 tortillas?
Why be like Rosa when you can make $1 tortillas?

The best part? Each pod produces one tortilla and each pod will cost you “only” $0.90.  (That is after plunking down about $300 for the actual “magical tortilla machine.”)

WATCH the video [below] to learn how to get Rosa out of the kitchen and replace her with a Flatev thing instead.

#NotTheOnion

Pizza Hut’s ‘Ultimate Mexican Pizza’ Is a ‘Flavour Fiesta’ that Looks Disgusting

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MexicanPizza

Remember McDonald’s German mariachi?

Well, hold on to your sombreros, because now it’s Pizza Hut’s turn to give us yet another revolting concoction that it dares calling “Mexican.”

Pizza Hut’s New Zealand is introducing the “Ultimate Mexican Pizza,” a “flavourful” combination of nachos, quesadillas, jalapeños and stuffed cheese crust, because Why-The-Hell-Not?

In a nutshell: ¡Guácala!

Mucus Loves Taco Tuesday; Vows to Wear Sombrero to Go out

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mucinextacoI am not really a fan of mucus or mucus-related marketing, but this disgusting creature has earned a spot on this venerable blog, mostly because of his apparent love of tacos.

Watch mucus as he gets ready for Taco Tuesday only to be put down by some white guy armed with 12-hour Mucinex.

It ain’t happening, moco, so you’d better keep your sombrero for some other time. Cinco de mayo, perhaps?

WATCH:

h/t: @pattyrodriguez

Are You Guys Ready for Creme-Filled OREO Churros? I’m NOT

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churrosOreo

And just when I thought marketers had ran out of ridiculous, Hispanic-themed “foodstuffs,” corporate America is proud to introduce the Creme-filled OREO Churros, which according to a very detailed and unnecessary long press release, have “a crispy exterior, warm soft interior and real OREO cookie pieces in every bite.”

The “innovative snack” (LOL) will be sold nationwide starting immediately.

I cannot wait to… pass on these things.

Via: The Flama

Tex or Mex? Which is Better? Let’s Settle this on the Border

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Mex meets Tex in hottest border match
Mex meets Tex in hottest border match

Move over Texican Whopper.

The folks at Carl’s Junior have come up with yet another Tex-Mex concoction, the Tex Mex Bacon Thickburger, featuring “fire-roasted peppers and onions, thick-cut bacon, Pepper Jack Cheese, and Santa Fe Sauce on a Fresh Baked Bun.”

But which aspect of this sandwich is more appealing to you? The Tex or Mex?

Well, let’s watch Team Mexico and Team U.S.A. try to settle this through a volleyball match on the border and with lots of butt slapping, shall we?

Sombrero tip: Mi manito Tropicarlitos

I'm with Team Mexico, of course!
I’m with Team Mexico, of course!

 

 

Kickin’ Chicken Taco Pringles: Possibly the Only Thing Worse than Pringles Tortillas

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As spotted in a bodega on 28th & Lexington
As spotted in a bodega on 28th & Lexington

Not content with giving us the Mexican-themed, culturally relevant Tortillas Crisps, Pringles is at it again, this time with a chicken taco chip thing called — what else? — “Kickin’ Chicken Taco,” which according to Pringles itself are naturally and artificially flavored and sit on top of a cartoon-like taco truck.

I don’t know if the Kickin’ Chicken Taco Chips are “truly original” (such a claim has gone suspiciously missing) but I’m pretty sure they taste like a Kick in Your You-Know-What.

I think I’ll pass.

Hat tip: Brooklyn, midtown taco correspondent J.P. Falcone