Category: Guacala

This Mexican Mayor Lifted a Woman’s Skirt in Public at a $1-Million Party, Because Mexico

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mayor

Awwww Mexico…

The land of the collective smooch and the “coold cocnuts” is also the Global Headquarters of mustachioed, sombrero-clad disgusting politicians.

In the latest Kafkaesque episode of our never boring political telenovela, Mexican Mayor Hilario Ramírez Villanueva this week jumped to the spotlight after a video emerged showing the moment he whipped up the skirt of a young woman he was dancing with.

According to several reports, the footage was captured during the mayor’s lavish 44th birthday party for which he reportedly paid a whopping $1 million and which we can only assume featured plenty of booze, drugs and babes.

Ramírez Villanueva has shrugged off his critics and has denied spending that much on his birthday bash. He even asked [politely] Jorge Ramos to refrain from mentioning his mother –this, after the Univision anchor confronted the Mayor and asked him what he would think if someone did the same to his progenitor.

Screen Shot 2015-03-19 at 3.50.26 PM

Watch the interview below [in Spanish]:

 

Here is a $12.99 Plastic Taco Truck Taco Holder

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Because make believe 'tacos' must be held, somehow
Because make believe ‘tacos’ must be held, somehow

If you are one of those people who insist on eating hard-shell “tortillas” stuffed with a suspicious melange of sour cream, olives, cheddar cheese and lettuce, you might as well be interested in the $12.99 Taco Truck Taco Holder, a plastic contraption that will help you “cradle” one of those… things.

It’s only $12.99, so how can you go wrong?

Ruining Tacos, Now Available in 3D Printing Fashion

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A 3D printed donut cutter was used to produce puffed deep fried taco donuts
A 3D printed donut cutter was used to produce puffed deep fried taco donuts

Some genius (i.e. Imgur user BarryAbrams) has invented a 3D doughnut cutter that basically makes it possible to 3D print a “donut taco,” whatever that means. The project, explained here in detail, allows to fill a doughnut with “taco stuff,” which is something his creator wanted to do when he was fifteen.

Per Abrams himself:

[The taco donuts] were partially dunked in queso cheese [SIC,] then some sour cream was piped on like frosting. A little guacamole, some cilantro and some sriracha to top it off.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like throwing a 3D-printed chancla to the inventor of this thing and politely demand some more taco respect.

Latinas Have Hot & Steamy Relationships with Their Coffee

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Not content with launching a “Latin-inspired” line of products featuring a hot & steamy abuela and producing its own telenovela, Coffee Mate is back on its “hot steamy” theme, this time in the form of a short video featuring a Latina having way too much pleasure with her coffee.

Is this supposed to be a plug for the equally pathetic 50 Shades of Gray or what is this thing exactly?

Hat tip: Julio Varela

This ‘Taco Toaster’ Will Ruin your Tortillas for Only US$30

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This thing costs US$30
Now you can ruin a perfectly good soft tortilla into a hard-shell ‘taco’ 

The Americans have done it, my friends.

Some genius on this side of the border has come up with the “Toasted Taco Fiesta” a US$30 contraption that will turn a perfectly good, regular, soft tortilla into one of those things this country insists on calling tacos.

The end is near. We’re doomed.

Via: Fancy.com

McDonald’s ‘Boliviarian’ Menu Replaces Fries with Yuquitas

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Yuquitas Venezuela

You know things are tough in Venezuela when hundreds of local McDonald’s restaurants decide to drop French fries from their menu.

Per the local press, more than 100 McDonald’s establishments in Venezuela have pretty much taken off French fries from their combos, claiming a nationwide shortage of potatoes.

But Venezuelans shouldn’t despair. After all, fries are being replaced by a “Bolivarian menu,” which features yuquitas, a good-enough replacement based on  the ubiquitous, certainly more affordable yuca, — and hopefully less deadly than the chemically-altered McDonald’s papitas. 

As my grandmother used to say: No sólo de papas fritas vive el hombre. So, stop complaining, have some yuquitas.

Taco Bell Wants the ‘Taco Emoji’ to Look Like this

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The proposed taco emoji by Taco Bell
The proposed taco emoji by Taco Bell

Taco Bell has launched a campaign through the site Change.org to push for the creation (ASAP) of a taco emoji, because as Taco Bell — and yours truly — knows, this is really a really top priority and stuff.

Per Taco Bell’s formal petition before the Unicode Consortium, a non-profit that regulates the coding standards for written computer text that includes emojis:

The taco emoji is a potential candidate for the release, but we need your help convincing them THE TACO EMOJI NEEDS TO HAPPEN.

I’m not the one to criticize such noble effort; in fact, I’ve been pushing for “culturally-relevant” emojis for some time time. But Taco Bell — and the Unicode Consortium — must understand a taco emoji couldn’t possibly look like the one above (Exhibit A).

A taco emoji should look like this. (Exhibit B)

A taco emoji should resemble this
A taco emoji should resemble this

So speaking about priorities and without further ado, let’s vote, shall we?

Chicago Market Wants you to Know These Chips are ‘Hispanic’

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Pyramid... the word 'Hispanic'... burros (donkeys). How can you go wrong?
A Pyramid, the word ‘Hispanic’, a caricature of a burro (donkey) on the bag…                                 How can you go wrong?

Marianos Market in Chicago seems to be aware of all the faux “Hispanic food” flooding the market these days, so it’s going the extra mile, labelling things properly, so customers can tell the difference between make-believe “Mexican food” and genuine Chichen Itzá-labelled, donkey-inspired corn chips.

¡Bravo! This blogger appreciates the effort. Really.

Photo: DonMarquito

 

Looks Like Mexican-Spanish Cuisine is a ‘Thing’ in the U.S.

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New York City
Frederick, Maryland

Call me crazy, but last time I checked, Spanish cuisine had absolutely nothing to do with the cuisine of my forefathers (i.e. the Mexicans).

I mean, we cannot even agree on what the hell a tortilla is all about, so WTH?

Anyhow, I guess I shouldn’t be that shocked, after all this time living on this side of the border, the country that has given us the Fritos Enchilada Melt and the $10 non-taco tacos, among many other horrors.

So let’s welcome yet one more nonsensical ethnic meal and, ¡coño! ¡que viva la comida Hispano-Mexicana!

In Ongoing Effort to Desecrate Mexican Food, Taco Bell Preps ‘Dipping Tacos’

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¡Dios mío!
¡Dios mío!

And just when you thought tacos couldn’t be any more violated… Taco Bell says it is already working on its next concoction: The “dipping” taco, which is expected to hit stores just in time for the anniversary of the Mexican Revolution: November 20.

Out of respect for my people (i.e. The Mexicans) –and other taco-lovers out there– I will refrain from describing this thing. Suffice to say: I’ll pass.

Are You Guys Ready for Liquid Doritos? I Know I’m NOT

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Screen Shot 2014-11-07 at 5.38.00 PM
CNET.COM

What do you get when you combine a bag of Doritos with a can of Mountain Dew?

Answer: The perfect post for this blog.

According to regular CNET (which is not CNET en Español) students at Kent State University recently had the opportunity to “Do the Dewitos,” which is nothing but a weird mix of Mountain Dew flavor and Doritos.

I’m not entirely sure about the veracity of this thing, but heck anything, I repeat,
A-N-Y-T-H-I-NG, is better than this thing.

Via: CNET (h/t: @gabosama)

 

Americans Want to Trick you into Drinking ‘Nopal Water’

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What on Earth is 'True Nopal?'
What on Earth is ‘True Nopal?’

The US$5.99 ‘Cactus water’ promises to be 100 percent natural and gluten free. But let me clue you in on a little secret: We don’t really drink “Nopal water,” and even if we did, we wouldn’t pack it inside Tetra Pak and then claim it’s all natural.

Remember: Nothing lives in Tetra Pak without some delicious NaC₇H₅O₂ (aka sodium benzoate.)

Just sayin’

Photo: Laura Martínez