Category: Language

Tortillas, Toilet Paper and the Importance of the Simple Things

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My local deli recently ran out of toilet paper, but it stocks plenty of these. So, we’re good…

I spent a good part of Tuesday, March 17 looking for toilet paper in my neighborhood –to no avail. Somehow, the coronavirus crisis has turned people in some sort of toilet paper-hoarding zombies, emptying the shelves at supermarkets, bodegas and pharmacies.

The craziness is not limited to New York City or even the US: My brother sent me a photo (below) from a Mexico City supermarket, showing people doing exactly the same thing: Hoarding toilet-paper –except supplies seem to be abundant down there (at least for now.)

What’s with toilet paper?

I tried again one day later and this time my local bodega (PapaSito) proudly advertised that toilet paper was back, so I went in (naturally). Several rolls of toilet paper wrapped individually sat at the top of a very tall counter, one I couldn’t reach, so I asked a fellow Mexican who works there for help. Our conversation went something like this:

–Can you please pass me four of those? –I asked.

-Four? Only four? –said the man almost incredulous. –Why don’t you take more? People are coming in and getting 15-30 rolls at once…

-Because… I’m not deranged? –I replied.

My paisano cracked up upon hearing that, and then noticed I had also bought a few packs of corn tortillas.

–Well, I’d be damned if we were to run out of those! –He said pointing at my packs of Poblanitas.

I walked away thinking he was absolutely right and was happy to get back to my quarantine (not before I stopped for some other basic goods.)

It’s the Census 2020 – and I Still Don’t Know What Race I Am 🤷🏻‍♀️

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My U.S. Census 2020 questionnaire is here and while I’m all game and ready to fill out and submit this thing, I will forever be puzzled by the “race” question.

See, when you reach the the “race question” while filling out the 2020 U.S. Census, you’ll get options within five racial categories (see photo below:)

  • White
  • Black or African-American
  • American Indian or Alaska Native
  • Asian
  • Native Hawaiian or other Pacific Islander.

This, of course, leaves this café con leche, whitish Mexican blogger born in Mexico practically in limbo, since I’m supposed to select “white” or “some other race” to comply and be able to go to the next window. (And I’m not alone: Remember this Puerto Rican dude during the 2010 Census who was pissed (with reason) and refused to fill out his Census form, because “Hispanic” was not an option under the Race box?)

Also missing in this section are people from the Middle East and North Africa, which I suppose are supposed to do the same: Select “white” or “some other race,” which I think will make it harder to locate where there is need for local bilingual services in schools or during elections, to name a few things.

I’m personally offended because “Human” is not an option under race, so I decided to use the “Some other race –print race” space to spell out N.P.I. (Ni Pinche Idea.)

Hispanics and people from the Middle East or North Africa, back in limbo…

This Fine Restaurant in Arizona Might Want to Consider a Name Change

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Good luck marketing this thing to Spanish speakers…

Shopping for a wedding venue in Arizona?

Well, there’s this fine place at the base of Camelback Mountain offering “breathtaking views, impeccable service and an unforgettable experience,” –and judging from the pictures found on their Website, it looks like it delivers on its promise.

However, you might want to consider not inviting any Spanish-speaking friends (especially Mexicans) to your event, unless you want them to spend their time cracking up jokes behind your back or simply avoiding the food in fear of catching this dreadful malady.

The Coronavirus Cumbia is Here –and it’s Infectious as Hell 💃🏽

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Iván Montemayor (aka Míster Cumbia) wants you to dance to the tune of SARS-CoV-2.

A cluster of respiratory illness, originating in the Chinese province of Hubei in December of 2019, has health officials on high alert around the world. The cause is now known to be a new coronavirus that has proven to be particularly infectious and has already claimed about 3,000 lives in a few months.

While Latin America had been free of the virus for some time, the first Mexican case was confirmed on Friday, Feb. 28, 2020 coincidentally as this blogger arrived in CDMX for a quick family trip.

Mexicans in Mexico responded swiftly to the threat by –what else?– posting tons of memes while on this side of the border, Mr. Iván Montemayor (aka Míster Cumbia) composed an infectiously melodious cumbia, which is not only perfect for dancing but it’s also … educational. “Wash your hands; take care; prevention is key, etc.”

🎶 Coronavirus, coronavirus, lávense las manos, hágalo seguido… coronavirus, coronavirus, pónganse las pilas en lugares concurridos. 🎶

Here it is. Get up and dance, pues!

 

Amy Klobuchar Says her Spanish Name Used to be Elena; Hilarity Ensues

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During a meeting with a mostly Hispanic crowd, Amy Klobuchar reminded us her Spanish name used to be Elena –for some reason.

During a meeting Tuesday night with Culinary Union members in Las Vegas, Sen. Amy Klobuchar tried to relate to a mostly Hispanic crowd by talking about her fourth-grade Spanish and other Spanish-related anecdotes. According to various reports, Klobuchar kicked off her presentation by saying: “My name is Amy, but when I was in fourth grade Spanish they gave me the name Elena.”

I decided to tweet out a video of the exchage using the hashtag #MyKlobucharEthnicName and what followed was a hilarious thread of people sharing their “ethnic name.” Purely for this blogger’s entertainment (I hope).

WATCH the original video (below) and then scroll down for some hilarious responses:

Hispanics at Starbucks

Shut up, Alicia!

Chomp, chomp!

Lalo is Klobuspeak for AMLO

EMLO, anyone?

JUST FOLLOW #MyKlobucharEthnicName for more entertainment…

Taco Mahal Is Coming to New York City, and I’m not Ready for Gandhi-Zapata

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Gandhi Zapata wants you to have a Roti Taco, because –really?!

Sources closer to Hell’s Kitchen than me (at least right now) tell me there’s a new, hipster-conceived Mexican-Indian restaurant coming my way.

Called –what else?– Taco Mahal, this fusion eatery promises a “new concept in the realm of delicious tacos” where “the best spices of India collide with the best flavors of Latino America [SIC.]”

I have no idea what any of the above means, but Taco Mahal has been plastering the city with artful collages of Frida-meets-Rigveda / Parvati-Meets-Kahlo. Also, according to a menu posted online, you’ll be able to order stuff such as Roti Tacos or Naan Tacos, which sound just as weird as the below deities blended together.

It’s Indian, you know? but with a taco twist.

Thank God there’s also beer & wine available to wash this thing down; otherwise…

Hat tip: @lechancle

New Mexico Taquería Serves Food Items with Names like ‘The Wall,’ ‘Fake News’ –and Plenty of Typos

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Would you eat a burrito with a name such as “Lock Her Up?”

I didn’t think so, but someone does.

Hanif Mohamed, a Muslim immigrant from Kenya, had the not-so-swell idea to open a taquería in Albuquerque with items he hopes will make us crave for his Mexican “food.” Urban Taquería‘s food items include tacos & burritos with bizarre names like “No Collusion,” “The Wall,” “Under Audit,” “Executive Privilege,” and –of course– “Bad Hombre.”

Mohamed –who by the way cannot stand President Trump– told The Washington Post that tacos such as “Bad Hombre” and “Fake News” and burritos such as “The Wall” and “Lock Her Up” “are meant to start political conversations and keep people talking about Trump’s rhetoric.” 

Maybe, Mr. Mohamed, but what’s with the chipotle arbol and the carne adovada? That’s already a no no for this Spanish grammar-obsessed blogger, so I think I’ll pass on your “conversation.”

Oh, and don’t get me started on your habañero mayonnaise…

Adovada? Ay!

 

Photo via: CNN

Spectrum Wants you to Believe this Survey is in Spanish

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¿Estrimeando? No, gracias

Spectrum Latino –which I believe is like “regular Spectrum,” but Latino– is determined to engage with its Hispanic consumers across social media. Its latest effort comes in the form of a Twitter survey, in which the company wants to hear our opinions in our own language.

Sort of…

In the survey, posted this week on Spectrum Latino’s Twitter account, the company wants to know what we (i.e. The Hispanics) do with our phones, whether we use them mostly to take pictures, make phone calls, send texts or stream content. But the options are written in a bizarre, non-existing language resulting in words like “estrimeando” and “fotografeando” (presumably “streaming” and “taking photographs.”

Anyhow, here’s the original tweet but, more importantly, the replies, which are gold:

‘Fresh Mexican Waters Any Flavor?’… Yeah, Mexicans Will Understand…

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After all these years in “America” I still haven’t found an accurate way to translate “aguas mexicanas” into English. Some would say “juice” (no, they’re not really juices) while others insist on “ice-tea”. Nope. Tampoco.

Google Translate, of course, doesn’t help either, so I think my paisanos in this Harlem deli are right: Aguas frescas mexicanas has got to be “Fresh Mexican Waters.”

Photo: Laura Martínez, Harlem 2019