The Parties and the Fun Behind the 2013 Hispanic TV Upfronts

Myself... and a bunch of blurry people who insisted on taking a picture with me.
Miblogestublog CEO and a bunch of blurry people who insisted on taking a picture with her.

This is exhausting! In addition to covering this week’s Hispanic TV Upfronts for these guys and these guys, I had to save some juicy details for the not-so-serious side of the 3-day-marathon of parties, parties and parties, programming presentations, interviews and business meetings.

* Hispanic TV Upfront week started May 13 with two networks, Azteca America and Estrella TV, holding “intimate dinners” at the exact same time in two very distant places, presumably to keep me from attending either. But, as you all know by now, I’m a sneaky Mexican and managed to attend both.

* Estrella TV brought to dinner at Tao Restaurant its most recent acquisition, Myrka Dellanos, who looked amazing and who is now going to be news anchoring instead of selling toothpaste.

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* As it has been the case before, I crashed the People en Español party at Marquee, which was OK, but not nearly as as glamorous and/or fun as previous years. However, beggars can’t be chosers, so I shut up now. Besides, I must continue to be nice to them, especially to Elvis Lizardo, who famously calls me “The Mexican glue that keep us all together.”

Marlon Moreno and Hernán Lopez
Marlon Moreno and Hernán Lopez, uno más guapo que el otro

* After surveilling the venue for some famous bellos, I realized celebrities are not the only beautiful bunch, so I proceded to propose People en Español Editor ArmandoCorrea a co-production of “Los 50 ejecutivos más bellos del mercado latino,” a list that would be curated by @miblogestublog -of course, and published and promoted by Time Inc. or someone with that kind of money. I’m thinking MundoFox’ Hernán López should go on the cover, while Telemundo’s Peter Blacker will take the back cover, though I’m still not sure. Other execs being considered: Mundo Fox’ Oswald Mendez, Telemundo’s Emilio Romano and Fusion’s Miguel Ferrer. [This blog is accepting submissions now.]

nametag* Tuesday events kicked off at 11:00 am at The New Amsterdam Theatre, where Univision held a lavish presentation for over 1,600 guests.

* Pretty much all those 1,600 guests then walked or took buses to Univision’s after party, which took place at ESPACE, where there was not a lot of “espace” nor food to feed all those hungry mouths. At some point, many attendees grew restless and angry as waiter after waiter kept passing in front of us with trays full of food, but destined to “VIP’s only.” That didn’t stop me, however, so I quickly managed to get a hold of a VERY VIP name tag (above) in order to secure some mini-burgers.

* The stunt didn’t work and I had to settle for a peanut butter cookie that surely contained about 5,325 calories.

* Since it secured me no food whatsoever, my Randy Falco name tag made a second appearance later that night at the Telemundo upfront in Lincoln Center, where it was not as well received as I had imagined. I still wore it to go say ‘hi’ to NBCU’s Chairman of Hispanic Ventures Joe Uva, who requested my immediate removal from the premises. [I stayed.]

 * The marathon continued Wednesday with a noon presentation by Fox Hispanic Media at Alice Tully Hall in Lincoln Center. The presentation included FHM’s four networks: Fox Deportes, Fox Life, Nat Geo Mundo and Mundo Fox. It attracted some big talent, including Bárbara Mori, Marlon Moreno, Mario Lopez and Oscar de la Hoya, who came onstage not wearing fishnet stockings but a pair of cowboy boots.

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* After a presentation that seemed to last hours, most of us headed East towards Vme’s upfront at the Instituto Cervantes. Under new management, Vme hosted a small, intimate, sit-down presentation in a dark basement with no cellular signal whatsoever, making it the perfect setting for a much needed afternoon nap. (I caught several executives and members of the media happily snoring away, but I decided not to publish their names, mostly because it wouldn’t be fair and because I was also fast asleep.)

The Elevator's Daniel Salcedo and me, before my Vme nap
The Elevator’s Daniel Salcedo and me, before my Vme nap

* The marathon ended Wednesday night with a much-needed, circus-themed party hosted by Viacom’s Tr3s and headlined by Daddy Yankee, who made even the most stiff media executive shake his/her hips. EXTRA BONUS POINT for Tr3s, which spared us the power points and the data on Hispanic TV audience growth, etc. etc. etc.

This is Daddy Yankee in a very bad photo taken by @bathtubmedia
This is Daddy Yankee in a very bad photo taken by @bathtubmedia

Yet, my favorite moment this week came at the Tr3s party when I was able to capture the following shot, featuring the great Eduardo Caballero, the father, grandfather, godfather of Hispanic media, and Ari Madrid, probably the craziest -and smartest- millennial I’ve ever met and one of the youngest entrants to this business.

Caballero changed the media world once. Ari will change it forever.

Media revolucionarios
Media revolucionarios. Eduardo Caballero & Ariadna Madrid

Disney Wants Quinceañeras to Display ‘Grace and Poise’ While Wearing This Thing

Snow White2

Disney, the company that thinks Latino families dance cumbia while at an amusement park, this week unveiled the Disney Royal Ball collection, “the first ever line of Quinceañera gowns inspired by the inner qualities, personalities and stories of the Disney Princess characters.”

According to Gilberto Martinez Kladt, the VP of licensing of Disney Princess, and not related to this blogger:

Disney is thrilled to provide young Latinas with the opportunity to celebrate the elegance, grace and poise of their favorite Disney Princess characters on such a special and momentous day.

I’m not sure how much grace and/or poise you can display strutting around in these things; but then again, I am a little past my quinceañera, and for sure cannot afford these graceful dresses, which range between $530-$999. I guess I’ll have to find a way to display elegance, grace and poise in jeans and a pair of huaraches.

Univision CEO Asks Adorable Non-Hispanic Kids What’s Better

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Univision’s upfront presentation Tuesday in New York City included some surprises and lots of more-of-the-same programming announcements.

There were some humorous moments, though, including a collective seizure (i.e. Harlem Shake) performed by Steve Mandala and his top sales team. However, this blogger’s favorite moment has got to be this AT&T spoof spot in which Univision CEO Randy Falco asks four adorable, non-Hispanic children what’s better, more or less?.

Watch it here:

NBCU Hijacked Univision’s Upfront with a Van Full of Data

NBCUvan

This blogger is so tired from all this partying busy this week, that a proper upfront round-up will not come until the weekend (sit tight.) However, I thought you’d like to know that barely minutes after Univision wrapped its upfront presentation under the theme “One for all,” NBCU found it amusing to park a van right outside Univision’s party venue using the exact same tagline but touting NBCU, not Univision, as the company that reaches 90% of all Hispanics.

NBCU does indeed reach a large percentage of Hispanics as it owns not only a bunch of English-language networks that are popular among Latinos, but also mun2 and Telemundo.

The stunt was the most talked about subject during both, Univision’s and Telemundo’s parties, during which this blogger drank only cranberry juice and an occasional glass of water.

Photo: Mediamoves

Aeroméxico Might Want to Change its Name to ‘IronMéxico’

IronMexico

It is no secret that international air travel is undergoing a severe financial crisis; with fuel costing a lot of money and all. But airline owners are a creative bunch and have found “innovative” ways to make additional cash, including charging us extra money to use the bathroom; to take an extra piece of luggage or to seat between rows 5 through 45.

But Mexican airline Aeroméxico has gone even further and is now using its aircrafts to pitch the latest installment of Iron Man, which by the way pulled almost $36 million since opening in Mexico less than two weeks ago.

So, I’m not sure what they are waiting for. Just change the company name to IronMéxico and get the whole thing over with.

Photo: @don_Marquito

McDonald’s German Mariachi Will Steal Your ‘Herz’ and Make you ‘Lieben’ Chili con Carne

germanchili

Turns out the Germans are not only fond of Mexican food, but they get all festive and dress up in mariachi costumes and all to celebrate a good ‘chili con carne,’ which is actually not a Mexican dish, but who cares? Any excuse is good to dance around the Straßen waving Mexican flag and all.

Hat tip: @tropicarlitos

…and in case you don’t know what Los Wochos are; Los Wochos are El Chile con Carne, Los Beefos y el Chicken Fiesta.

Wochos

 

 

 

The Arizona Diamondbacks Lure Hispanic Baseball Fans With Culturally Relevant Hot-Dog

arizona

Los Diamondbacks de Arizona, which is Spanish for The Arizona Diamondbacks, have partnered with the local Univision station to offer Hispanic baseball fans the chance to gobble up at the stadium in a culturally-relevant way: With a $7 “Sonora-style hot-dog.”

Per a press release:

The Arizona Diamondbacks (@Dbacks) will offer a Sonoran-style hot dog at every home game for $7 at Red Hot Grill locations in sections 126 and 320. In addition, the team has partnered with Univision to offer a special Sonoran Dog Package, El Pa’quetellenes, for only $15 that includes an Outfield Reserve ticket, Sonoran-style hot dog, 24 ounce Pepsi and a coupon for a free cookie from SUBWAY® Restaurants. El Pa’quetellenes, presented by Univision, is available at every D-backs home game and can be purchased online at http://www.losdbacks.com.

For the monolingual crowd, paquetellenes is actually a smart made-up word combining the concept of “combo” with “to be full.” And naturally you’ll be full: The so-called Sonoran Dog “is a hot-dog wrapped in a mesquite-smoked bacon that is grilled and then topped with pico de gallo, ranch-style beans, and a mayo drizzle.”

Mexican Men Know How to Lure Women…. [into the Fridge]

Pétalos

Say what you will about Tecate, but the beer maker knows a thing or two about Mexican men and their tricky ways to get women do what they want (namely to get them cold beers from the fridge.)

I don’t know you, but I found the following spot truly amusing.*

 

*NOTE: For those enraged Latinas ready to start screaming and/or propose a boycott against Tecate or something, please contact the company directly or its ad agency in Mexico, not this blogger. Thank you for your cooperation.

This is How PETA Wants Latinos to Stop Craving Meat

patriciadeleonAD300

PETA, the animal rights organization, has launched PETA Latino, apparently because they want my people to stop eating chicharrón, carnitas, chuletas, suadero and all those delicious -and nutritious- foods we’ve been eating since we were toddlers.

I commend PETA on its efforts, but quite frankly if you want Hispanics to stop craving meat, you might want to reconsider putting a naked former Miss Panama on top of a gigantic piece of broccoli. That will just make them toss the veggies and keep the meat.

Just sayin’

Kate del Castillo Pitches Fragrance not Called Kate del Castillo

Kate

First came Paulina, then Shakira, Banderas, JLo and even José José. Now, my paisana, Kate del Castillo, is the latest celebrity to join the club of Latino celebrities pitching a fragrance.

But unlike previous launches, Kate’s fragrance is not called ‘Kate del Castillo.’ It is a fragrance launched by Avon called Flor Violeta, “a floral fragrance with hints of apples, violets and musk,” that Del Castillo describes as “freshhh and joeeful” in an impossibly cute Mexican accent.

Watch her do her thing here:

 

 

This Tide Commercial Shows Why it’s so Hard to be a Hispanic Millennial

TideAbuela

If you thought Hispanic millennials were just like regular millennials, think again.

Hispanic millennials, according to a new series of Tide commercials, not only sit around doing nothing and play with their phones. They have the added burden of having to translate their Spanish-dominant grandmothers while they go on and on and on about how to take care of their whites. (And by ‘whites’ I’m talking about clothes and not “not-brown-people.”)

And this one…

All I can tell you right now is that the Tide abuela has a better command of Spanish than this other P&G abuela.

Wyandotte to Celebrate Cinco de Mayo on Cuatro de Mayo

Wyandotte

How many Mexicans does it take to organize a Cinco de Mayo party in Wyandotte, Michigan? Apparently, zero. [I’m sure my people would have seriously objected to holding a May 5th celebration on May 4th.]

Too bad organizers didn’t consult with this blogger beforehand. I could have given them an awesome tagline for their event:

“Guayandóte: Esperándote desde el Cuatro para celebrar el Cinco”

¡Ajúa!

‘Barbie Jamona’ is Culturally-Relevant… and Looks Delicious!

BarbieJamona

On the heels of the Barbie Mexicana brouhaha that I so inadvertently started, I decided to go on a worldwide hunt for the next controversial, culturally-relevant and irreverent Barbie doll.

Here she is. She is proud, meaty and looks absolutely delicious. Besides, this one doesn’t come carrying a pet pig or something weird like that, so it should go down history with less controversy as the other Barbie Dolls of the World.

So, what is Mattel waiting for?