Category: Mexico

NFL Players Warned as they Head to Mexico: Don’t Leave Hotel; Don’t Eat the Food; Don’t Move…

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raiders

Poor NFL players. I’m sure for many of them this will be their first — and only — chance to visit Mexico before the wall goes up and all, but they’re already being warned about some scary shit they will likely encounter as they head “over there,” South of the Rio Grande, you know?

A memo obtained by the Associated Press was distributed to the Houston Texans Wednesday and included a page of information concerning their upcoming Mexico trip. Among the warnings was:

“Eat all meals in the meal room. DO NOT order room service” and “DO NOT eat outside of the team meal room.”

It was followed by a line advising players to leave all “expensive jewelry at home,” not to bring large sums of money and not to use ATMs.

Houston Texans will face the Oakland’s Raiders in Mexico City on Monday, Nov. 21, 2016 — If they manage to leave their room, that is.

Via: USA Today

 

‘ZopiloTrump’ Embarks on National Tour around Mexico to Scare the Hell Out of my People

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zopilote2

You might not know this, but zopilotes are really, really bad birds.

Imagine this, but Mexican –and thus, way scarier.

With this in mind, Oaxacan artist Víctor Robinson has created the “ZopiloTrump”, the scariest thing you’ll see this year on both sides of the border, mind you.

The ZopiloTrump was unveiled Thursday, October 27 in Mexico City and is expected to embark on a national tour until it reaches Mexicali, right the site where he-who-shall-not-be-mentioned plans to erect a big, yuuuuge wall.

zopilobest

Oh, and just in time to celebrate the upcoming Day of the Dead, here’s an awesome “calavera” cortesy of the aforementioned artist:

Andaba la calaca flaca
llorando por todo México, 
porque a Donald Trump 
lo invitó Peña Nieto. 
La huesuda indignada 
a Trump le reclamó:
“¿Qué haces aquí racista de lo peor?”
A lo que Donald respondió:
“Vieja anoréxica, 
yo tener para ti dinero, 
edificios, mansiones, hasta un avión”.
“De  ti no quiero ni maiz”, dijo la parca, 
“Tú no tienes  amigos,
y de espíritu eres pobretón, 
además  vas a  perder la elección,  
y deja en paz a los  migrantes 
que tanto los cuido yo”. 

Via: El Diario

This Mexican Town Will Give you a Tax Break if you Lose Weight

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mexico-sobrepeso

You can accuse my people (i.e. The Mexicans) of being lazy and all, but there is one thing we truly excel at: Fiscal Policy Innovation.

Take the town of San Nicolás de los Garza, in Northern Mexico, which is inviting property owners to a weight-loss program whose goal is to shed 10 kilograms or more during a 10-week period. The reward? A family whose combined weight loss totals 10 kilos or more will get a 50 percent credit on their 2017 taxes.

I think that is a really awesome program, especially in a state known for its world-class cabrito, which would make any property owner think twice before embracing any type of weight-loss challenge.

Personally, I do not plan to lose weight, nor quit cabrito any time soon, so it’s a great thing I don’t own property after all.

Via: Excelsior

Tecate Capitalizes on Trump’s Stupid Idea with Stupider Idea

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At least we know who will pay for 'The Wall'
At least we know who will pay for ‘The Wall’

Making fun of Mr. Trump’s idiotic idea for a U.S.-Mexico border wall has become a national sport –and the subject of some questionable marketing tactics.

The latest example is this ad for Tecate Light, which aired Monday night during the first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald [the crazy] Trump. In a nutshell, Tecate proposes building its own wall — but it’s not yuuuge, but small enough to rest a beer on for a neighborly chat between gringos and Mexicans.

The tagline: This wall is going to be small but it’s going to be huge. Watch and decide for yourself: Which is the worst idea: Trump’s or Tecate’s?

Trump Went to Mexico. It Was Painful, but Hilarity Prevailed

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yallego

Mexicans, how can anybody not like us?

On the day Republican candidate Donald Trump (aka El Trumpo) accepted an (inexplicable) invitation by moronic Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto to publicly embarrass him (this time at his own home in Los Pinos), this blogger’s timeline was filled with something that will forever make me love my country: That unique sense of humor that always manages to shine when the going gets tough.

Here are only a few memes of the now infamous Wednesday, Aug. 31, 2016.

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Mexikosher Opens in New York City, Because Why Not?

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MexiKosher

You guys! Mexikosher (aka The Real Mexican Kosher) has opened its doors in Manhattan’s Upper West Side, bringing local residents some strange “Mexican” delicacies, including hot wings, nachos and rice bowls.

According to the well-informed New York Times, MexiKosher is the creation of Mexican-born chef and co-owner Katsuji Tanabe, who follows kosher rules “without compromising on flavor.” This means, apparently, that he can concoct Kosher-challenged meals like birria, carnitas and beef brisket braised in duck fat. Heck, there’s even a “bacon cheeseburger” made with cured beef belly “bacon” and soy cheese.

I don’t know about you, but there are a lot of quotation marks on those “meals,” so I think I’ll pass. For now.

Photo: Laura Martínez, 2016

Dominique Ansel and Alex Stupak Think this Thing Is a Taco

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Photo: Paul Wagtouicz
Photo: Paul Wagtouicz

Dear Dominique Ansel and Alex Stupak,

I seriously think you guys are lovely and all, but can you please — PLEEEEASE — not call your “swirl of roasted corn caramel, lime zest, sea salt, and smokey salsa verde on the side” concoction an ice-cream taco?

See? I’m getting old and can die from a heart attack real soon.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation

tacoHat tip: Ridiculous NYC food correspondent Lisa Paravano

The Mexican Government Wants You to Know El Chapo Has not Escaped Again –Yet

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This is an actual photo posted Friday night by Mexico Secretary of the Interior, Miguel Angel Osorio Chong. LOL
This is the actual photo posted Friday night by Osorio Chong. LOL

My country is the bestest…

On Friday night, after rumors that El Chapo Guzmán had escaped from a Mexican prison for the third time began appearing on social media, Mexico’s Secretary of the Interior, Miguel Osorio Chong, posted the above photo, with one simple message: “For the rumors, an image…”

Osorio Chong’s tweet was not only liked and retweeted by thousands of tuiteros, but it proved — once again — that Mexico is home of the surreal and the truly hilarious.

Wanna see the memes about this photo? Check back soon. This blogger is too busy planning her summer vacation working

 

 

Mexicans Mock Avocado Shortage with Hilarious Memes

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aguacatedicaprio

OK, you know the drill. No matter how tragic a situation will get, Mexicans will always see the funny side of the whole thing.

And the avocado shortage of late is no exception.

In case you have no idea what’s going on, prices of avocado have risen by more than 90 percent since the end of 2015, mostly because Mexico’s biggest ever harvest is coming to an end and a new one is not yet ready. On top of that, the shortage has coincided with a sharp fall in U.S. production caused by heatwave in California, hitting the the Fourth of July weekend, the second largest avocado consumption event of the year in the U.S. after the Super Bowl.

You might think an avocado shortage in a place like Mexico would be no laughing matter, but then again, you do not know Mexicans.

Here are some of my faves, explained for the monolingual crowd.

GET ONE KILO OF AVOCADO: SIX MONTHS WITHOUT INTEREST

aguacate

2. WHEN YOU WANT AVOCADO IN YOUR TORTA, BUT YOU ARE POOR

TORTA

3. SHOULD I BUY A KILO OF AVOCADO OR AN IPHONE 6?

iphone

JUST THROW SOME EXTRA AVOCADO TO THE AVOCADOS

PUT

 

CARLOS SLIM LOSES HALF HIS FORTUNE AFTER ORDERING ENCHILADAS WITH EXTRA AVOCADO

SLIM
El Deforma

MARRY ME; I’M LOADED

ring

 

 

Mexican Reporter Goes to Flood Area, Asks Locals to be Carried to Avoid Water. Hilarity Ensues

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sopitasA reporter in Mexico went to cover massive floods happening in Puebla, and was caught by another reporter being carried by the locals, obviously in an effort to, well, not get wet.

The original tweet (below) from reporter José Daniel Hernández simply read: “How embarrassing! @LydiaCumming, a reporter with @TVAztecaPuebla asks for help in order not to get wet.”

What followed, naturally, was a flood of tweets that have this blogger dying of laughter. Below some of my favorites. (Apologies in advance if I do not credit each one of these properly, but Twitter can be a free-for-all stealing thing.)

#SharkAttack

LadyReporteraShare

AT THE THREE AMIGOS SUMMIT

@LosSimpsonMX
@LosSimpsonMX

JUST LIKE RONALDO

@Gooz25
@Gooz25

L RING

@BorrachosVIP
@BorrachosVIP

VAMPIPE, OF COURSE