I’m Gonna Make Blogging Great Again

OK, y’all. For years, Twitter was my favorite (and pretty much only) social media platform, but then Elon came around and broke it (i.e. fucked it up).

Not content with ruining everyting, tonight, on Saturday, Nov. 19, 2022 el pendejo decided to reinstate the other pendejo, so, even if blogging takes longer and costs this blogger more money that it should, I plan to take all my taco –and -non-taco – funny rants here again.

I apologize to my almost 37,000 Twitter followers for the lack of activity over there. I promise I will try to keep the fun here as much as possible. And, yes, while there are no popular hashtags on WordPress, let me get you started on some good ones:

#PincheMusk
#PincheTrump
#FuckTwitter
#RIPTwitter

p.s. If you see this post pop up on your Twitter feed, it is because I have an automated feature set up for this so you can (hopefully) come visit, and not because I’m back on this hell hole again.

Thank you all for following me here. I promise to make blogging GREAT again!

#MBGA

 

Del Taco Wants you to Think these Are Tortas

If you thought Trump announcing a presidential bid for 2024 was the worst piece of news this year, think again: Del Taco – which dares call itself a “Mexican restaurant” – said it has added “Mexican-Style tortas” to their menu.

The company said (apparently with a straight face and via an unecessarily long press release) that their tortas are so epic that they will be known as Epic Tortas. Their excitement is such, that the chain temporarily changed its name to “Del Torta,” which –naturally– makes no sense whatsover.

This blogger is just gonna say one thing: Make Tortas Great Again!*

*and if you’re not up to the task, please just leave tortas alone.

Day of the Dead Is the New Cinco de Mayo –and I Can’t Even

Come November, there’s one thing that really, really, gets on my nerves (besides pumpkin-spice stuff, of course) and that is America’s obsession with the Mexican tradition known as Día de Muertos (basically Day of the Dead) or as some here dare calling it: Mexico’s Halloween.

Organic yellow corn tortilla chips with typos for Día de Muertos en gringolandia

Anyhow, in an effort to show you I was right when back in 2018 I decided to call Day of the Dead the New Cinco de Mayo, I will be posting here some of the most bizarre/sad/pathetic/senseless examples of what America is doing with one of Mexico’s most beloved traditions.

CLICK THROUGH THE FOLLOWING GALLERY OF HORRORS and be sure to check back as I’ll be updating this thing as soon as new barbaridades come my way…

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I hate to say I told you, but I told you ….

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September 19 Strikes Mexico Again; Hilarity Ensues

Today’s 7.6 magnitude quake came on the same day as devastating quakes in 1985 and 2017.

Nope, I’m not making this up. Today, Monday, September 19, 2022, at around 1:07 pm local time, Mexico City residents were shaken (not stirred) by a 7.6 magnitude earthquake, that killed at least one and damaged a lot of buildings across several states.

I first learned about it not on Twitter, but on the family WhatsApp that was going nuts with voicemail notifications from my brother and sister sounding really really scared. The first message, from my brother, came through at 2:08 pm/EST and it simply said “Está temblando,” two words any born and raised Mexican knows all too well.

Then came my sister with a 7-second message saying it was really fucking bad and then I sort of panicked.

I had been in transit but as soon as I got home I called to make sure they were OK. Thankfully, everyone was unscathed. Scared shit still, but unharmed.

Barely 7 or 8 minutes later, the memes started pouring in. It was – once again – my people’s way of dealing with calamities, from highlighting the HUGE coincidence of the September 19 date to celebrating the inevitability of our demise.

I’m just gonna post a few examples below to give you an idea of what’s going on today post-sismo, but feel free to follow this blogger’s Twitter feed to keep up in real time.

Because September

Because COVID

 

 

Because Mexicans are the Shit

Because … Let’s Skip September

hat tip: @rocos_life

This post will be updated…

Who Needs Ramsays and Stewarts when you Have Doña Ángela?

“Hola, mi gente!” My favorite YouTuber continues to kick butt

Doña Ángela, the adorable abuelita behind the super successful YouTube channel De mi rancho a tu cocina, continues to reign on the video channel, where she has amassed (pun intended) over 4 million subscribers –and counting.

Doña Ángela is not TV famous, and her kitchen does not boast any Michelin stars, and that’s because she’s the real enchilada, cooking all kinds of delicious stuff from her humble kitchen in Michoacán. Watch her make everything, from juicy carnitas to cheese-stuffed chayotes (yum!)

But the best part of the whole thing (at least for this blogger) is that Doña Ángela continues to get way more pageviews than other folks pretending to cook online, including Martha Stewart (and her molcajete cat) and Gordon Ramsay, who once said dulce de leche tastes like shit (yup he did.)

Hat tip & chart: Latinometrics

My Thoughts on the Whole “Latinx” Debate

I made a meme

I really didn’t want to do it, but then I thought about it and, well, what the heck? In my latest column for Hispanic Executive Magazine I went down the “x” rabbit hole and tried to “Hisplain” the so-called controversy around “Latinx.”

In a nutshell:

I must tell you I do not use “Latinx” in my daily life or my writing, nor do I identify myself as such. (Truth be told, I’m totally fine being called whatever—as long as you don’t call me before 8:00 a.m.)

But you can also click here to read the whole thing…

 

Mexican Food According to Croatia

Taquitos Bandidos in Downtown Zagreb. Photo: Laura Martínez, July 2022

Good morning from Zagreb!

So, here I was, strolling through the capital of Croatia, taking in the sights and sounds of this gorgeous city, when I bumped into “Taquitos Bandidos,” a small joint in Downtown Zagreb luring visitors with the promise of “Street Food.”

Of course I didn’t come all the way here to eat make-believe Mexican food, but I was intrigued and walked in to see the menu, which was brought to me by a family of flautas dressed like “bandidos,” complete with mustachios and sombreros, with one of them even waving a gun.

The menu features your regular taquitos, quesadillas and “spicy dips,” but of course, being from someone totally clueless about what Mexican food is all about, it includes chilli con carne and… chicken salad wraps.

The only good thing I found here was that they actuallly sell Jarritos, which of course cost as much as a bottle of Corona and way more than what they believe is tequila.

As for the food, well if it looks like this … so don’t blame me if I go in there soon to ask them to DELETE THEIR MENU.

I don’t know what the hell this is

 

Dear Texan: Do you Need an Abortion? Mexico Has your Back

“La Aborteria” in Guadalupe, Nuevo León, Mexico, helps Mexican women get safe, affordable, medically induced abortions.

Welcome to Hell.

As y’all probably know by now, on June 24, 2022, the not-so-Supreme Court of the United States decided to overturn Roe v. Wade, effectively ending the constitutional right to an abortion after almost 50 years.

This – obviously – sucks for millions of American women, especially those in 13 states where abortion has immediately (or will very soon) become illegal following the ruling.

One of such states is Texas, which will soon initiate a so-called “trigger law” that will make performing abortion a felony.

Wanna know how bad this is? Under Texas’ law, an abortion provider could face life in prison –yup, LIFE IN PRISON – and fines up to $100,000 if they perform abortions or help facilitate one. The same goes in other nutcase states, including Idaho, North Dakota, Utah, Wyoming, South Dakota, Missouri, Kentucky, Tennessee, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Arkansas and Mississippi.

And all this brings me to the reason of this post (and the end of my ranting): A small, but thriving, safe heaven in Northern Mexico awesomely named La Abortería, where two women are determined to help Mexicans get access to safe, affordable, medically induced abortions.

The plot twist here, is that the founders of La Abortería are already bracing for an influx of Texan women seeking help –as we’re all assuming nobody wants to spend life in prison for not wanting a baby, right?

According to Bloomberg Law, while the Mexican abortion networks had helped one or two Texans a year, now they’re helping about five Texas women a week get medical abortions. Of course, I’m aware this great option is not open to all, and it requires people travel, leave their work, kids, etc. for a while to go get help in another country.

And this, my friends, is yet one more reason to be enraged. The end of Roe is not the end of abortion in America; it’s the end of safe abortions for the not-so-rich, Americans.

#PincheSCOTUS

Photo via: Bloomberg

Look! It’s a Concha! It’s a Chancla! It’s a Con-chancla!

Move over Con-chamacos! Mexican Mother’s Day is today, so Panadería KaryCar, a pastry shop in Jalisco, had the awesome idea of launching the con-chanclas, a concha/chancla combination that is going to make your mamá very happy.

Now… if they only worked a bit harder on their grammar, because, as y’all know: #AccentsMatter

It’s mamá, not mama

Via: Panadería KaryCar

Filing under Mexicans: How Can Anyone Not Like Us?