Category: New York City

Unshocking Revelation: Gringos Think Mexico is Unsafe

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If you survived Black Friday and managed not to be trampled by some lunatic mob at your local Walmart, chances are you’re already planning your Christmas vacation. But if you are like the average American whimp person, it is very likely Mexico is not among your top ten winter destinations.

According to the most recent survey coming out from the land obsessed with surveys, 72% of Americans think Mexico is unsafe, and not because they fear they will go into a cardiac arrest for gulping down tons of cheap tequila in Cancún. They are mostly concerned about being shot by some druglord as soon as they set foot at the airport.

But weary Americans should not despair, and instead thank the nation’s undocumented and documented Hispanic immigrants for the latest trend in U.S. tourism: Latin American cultural immersion trips in the comfort of your own city.

¡Sí, señor! Latinos are using the neighborhoods we’ve taken away from gringos to lure them back, and invite them to get a taste of our fun, dance, food and drink-filled culture. And no, you don’t need to get a passport, nor take a malaria pill. And -more importantly- chances of surviving are actually at a healthy 95%

So, what are you waiting for? Come enjoy U.S. Latin America without the dangers and annoyances of the real Latin America.

Weiner to Univision: ‘This is Between New York and My Wife’

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Weiner-Univision

UPDATE: The millennials over at Fusion (the Hispennials) are challenging this post, telling me that what Weiner said was: “Entre YO y mi esposa” and not “Entre New York y mi esposa.” On the other hand, my friend thinks he actually said: “Entre mi schlong y mi esposa.” SO PLEASE TAKE THE POLL. Help miblogestublog make some sense out of this very important matter.

So Anthony Weiner went to Despierta América this morning to set the record straight (and in Spanish, mind you) about the Anthony Weiner Penis-Gate (or as Univision’s Satcha Pretto elegantly put it: Su comportamiento erótico en la Internet.

Weiner was clearly annoyed by Pretto’s insistence in talking about his private parts (i.e. his Tweeter-famous penis.) But very quickly -and skillfully, may I add- the Mayoral candidate managed to get himself out of the entire mess by assuring her (and millions of Univision viewers) that the whole Anthony Weiner Penisgate was nothing but “an error between New York and my wife.” (JUMP TO MINUTE 1:16)

Way to get out of one big mess, Carlos Danger!

Click on the photo to watch the entire interview or click here:

Oh and don’t forget to take the poll:

The ‘New York Times’ Exposes Our Plan to Sneak into the U.S.

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IceAge

We didn’t plan for this to go public, but ‘The New York Times’ had to go and ruin it for us. Yes, part of Latinos’ master plan to sneak into this country is by disguising ourselves as movie mascots.

What the New York Times doesn’t know is that once we have managed to sneak in (like Mr. Martinez, above) we then move onto Phase II of the plan, which consists of a more elaborate scheme to rapidly populate the country.

The Evolution of Mexican Food in New York City

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It is no secret that we (i.e. “The Mexicans”) are taking over the so-called Big Apple. And we are doing this quietly and deliciously, by replacing your Ketchup with salsa; your bagels with tortillas; your apple pie with buñuelos, etc.

But -as we all know- with acculturation comes the making up of words / concepts, so my paisanos over at the Chelsea Street Fair this weekend treated me with a delicious huarche, one I gulped down with 2 liters of Jarrito de Tamarindo.

I love Manhatitlán.

‘Bill’ Pushes for Population Control in Mexico

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Billete

An ill-informed individual, presumably not Mexican (nor Indian) thought it would be an awesome idea to convey his/her thoughts on population control on a $1 bill… And, of course, of the millions of people who transact money on a daily basis in this wonderful city, I was the lucky one to get this as change in my neighborhood bodega.

The buck stops here.

It’s Downtown vs. Uptown: ‘Men in White’ are not All Created Equal

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It is Fleet Week in Manhattan, señores, and this blogger went out to flirt do some serious research about sailors and the like.

The city was taken May 23 with men and women in uniform, wandering New York City’s streets in search of some grounded fun after months at sea. After an entire afternoon flirting with photographing the Men in White around downtown, I went back to my humble home all the way uptown to find yet another group of men in white.

The latter, though, were not coming off a warship or anything, but seemed to be busy waiting for work outside my local bodega.

DOWNTOWN

UPTOWN

As for these fellows’ white  outfit… well, I still have to figure that one out.