Category: Print media

Unshocking Revelation: Rich Latin Americans Have Maids [Black, Indian, Same Difference]

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It is so interesting when news of racism outside the U.S. reach the U.S., simply because it is a historically-charged, sensitive issue.

The picture above -first published in HOLA! magazine, has reportedly caused some “outrage” in several media outlets, mainly because of the presence of two maids in the background.

The outrage, as I understand it, has to do with the fact that the two maids in question happen to be black, which is, of course, unusual to many Latin Americans who are mostly used to hire indians as help.

My point: Should that picture featured a couple of indian maids (inditas as rich people would lovingly call them) wouldn’t make so many of us blink, would it?

Classism is kind of OK… but racism? God forbid!

Quick! Get Your Copy of ‘Gente Latina’ so You’ll Be Able to Shoot Me an Email

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Hispanic print media continues to impress me beyond words.

This time, the June edition of Gente Latina brings readers some super valuable information, such as How to send an email, which is like, super cool, because as everybody knows we Latinos like to communicate with each other using telegrams, postcards, sign language, smoke signals and the like.

A Latina Has been Named the World’s Most Beautiful Woman. [And No, it’s Not Me]

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This is getting annoying: Not content with snubbing me for its 15 Most Influential Hispanics edition, Time Inc.-owned People magazine this year failed to consider this blogger among the candidates to the title of the Most Beautiful Woman in the Whole Wide World, picking instead ubiquitous Jennifer Lopez, which really, is like… Are you guys serious?!! I bet it’s just because she climbs pyramids in high-heels and all.

But that is OK. I still have my hopes high for the upcoming announcement of People en Español’s 50 Most Beautiful Hispanics, for which I might have a better shot. After all, I am Hispanic. I speak español.

Besides -unlike JLo- and I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing THIS

Wanna Live at The Dakota? Hispanics Need Not Apply

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Photo: Allan Tannenbaum

Every time I walk by New York City’s famous Dakota building, I cannot help but think about Lennon, Ono, Bacall and Bernstein. But for some reason not many Hispanics come to mind…

And now I finally know why:

In a recent New York Times article about Dakota tenant Alphonse Fletcher and his ongoing fight with the building’s management, one member of the co-op board is said to have made a point about why they turned down an apartment to one famous Hispanic:

“[…] after a well-known couple, believed to be Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas, was rejected for a ground-floor apartment in 2005, a board member joked that Mr. Banderas, who is Hispanic, wanted to be at street level so he could buy drugs easily.”

So there you have it. Not only the “system” has trashed my dream of becoming a beauty queen; now I’m going to have to look for an apartment elsewhere… the projects, tal vez.

Oh well…

A Portable Translator that Will Seduce Your Valentine Into Opening Her Legs, Ahem, Heart

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You gotta love Spanish-language media. Not only you get to read stuff in your own language, but you are exposed to some marketing gems like this one found on today’s El Diario la Prensa, pitching the PartnerES900: A translation machine that will make your sweetheart “go into ecstasy” and have her open her … heart. (Click to enlarge.. the photo, just the photo.)

Here’s a taste of the precious text for the monolingual crowd:

“Give your partner the hottest -and most powerful- present ever: The English/Spanish translator Partner ES900. Her satisfaction will be immediate. Your partner will open, even more, the doors of her heart -and her life- when she sees the power that you have in your hands.”

Hat tip: José Simián

Watch it, Mr. Arpaio! Here Comes Anya Corazón

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No matter how many superheroes join the anti-immigrant cause, we (i.e. fearless Latinos) can always count on a new muchacha in town, who will kick the ass of immigrant haters… should that be necessary.

Meet the new Spider Girl -aka Anya Corazón- a 16-year-old high-school student of Latino descent who lives in -where else?- Gotham.

According to creators, Marvel Comics, Anya Corazón provides “a positive, modern image of an empowered young woman.” But I like to think of her more like a tough señorita, who will use her superpowers to take on your Seagals and your Ferrignos.

And wait until she hooks up with this guy: There’s going to be a lot of Paf! Pum! Zas!

The Astrologer Formerly Known as Walter Mercado Now Wants You to Call Him Shanti Ananda

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I am sure you are too busy these days to take notice of real important news, so allow me to fill you in on a major development.

Starting today, you might want to refer to the famous Puerto Rican astrologer, caped TV personality of dubious gender Walter Mercado as Shanti Ananda. Why? Because while we were snoozing over our boring jobs and ending our pathetic work days in some local pub, Mr. Mercado had a revelation: a mystical voice in his dreams asked him to change his name to Shanti Ananda and help the poor people of Puerto Rico.

Not sure yet if Shanti will continue to entertain us with his fancy apparitions on Spanish-language TV. He (or she?) will be greatly missed.

Source: El Nuevo Día

Daryl Cagle Annoys the Hell Out of Mexicans… Even Paulina Rubio Knows Our Flag is Sacred

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If Mexicans needed another reason to vent their ire against a gringo (any gringo) they found a good one this week. Provocative political cartoonist Daryl Cagle really managed to piss off hundreds of Mexicans with what many are calling a “desecration of the Mexican flag.”

Shame on you, Mr. Cagle!!!

Didn’t you know Mexicans are so proud of our flag that we use them to wrap up our beloved celebrities? Gee!

Hat tip to my manito, whom I wish never to see wrapped in anything remotely patriotic

‘People en Español’ Ready to Unveil HEAT. Meanwhile, I’ll Keep Working on my MEAT

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Yeah, I wear a Mariachi hat every time I cook, which is like never

You might not know this, but last week, People en Español released its annual Hispanic Opinion Tracker (HOT) Study, which revealed some insights on “the changing role of Latina women in the U.S.”

This blogger attended such an important event (and ensuing cocktail, of course) to personally attest to the growing power of Latinos and Latinas everywhere -even at the Time Life Building, where most of the security and catering were done by our people… But I digress: In addition to presenting the study’s findings, People en Español also announced the upcoming launch of HEAT (Hispanic Ethnicity Attachment Tracker) which the magazine hopes will “help measure the effectiveness of a brand in reaching their demographic, based on Latinas’ attachments -or non-attachments- to their ‘Hispanic Ethnicity.'”

This is, like, cool, I think… Alas, I’m very busy these days trying to figure out my MEAT (or Mexican Ethnicity Attachment Tracker) to really get serious about my HEAT.

But don’t you people worry! I’ll be working on it and keep you posted.

¡Santos Demonios! The Complete Collection of ‘Hispanic Batman’ is Finally Out

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Didn’t make it to Comic Con this past weekend? Do not worry. You can still get your hands on the complete collection of Hispanic Batman, the one and only action hero “with a DNA of a Mexican wrestler thrown in for good measure.”

The book was finally out this weekend, but it was only for sale at the San Diego Comic-Con conference. However, my very knowledgeable sources tell me you will be able to buy unsold copies on the Royal Flush website after the convention. ¡Yo quiero todos!

“The dynamic Hispanics go deep inside the Playboy Mansion.”